Who Lives In a Pineapple Under the Sea
It's not what we do but who we are? Has anyone checked in on Barnacle Bob? Has the crone poisoned him yet? #humor #notsorry
As a writer, I can spin It any way I choose! It's all the years invested in relationships and situations that leave that indelible print that can not be erased only because it caused a PTSD that can not be undone! It is the trigger of situations that occurred and the flashbacks that happen are something I really wish on no one! #truth The lies to confuse and manipulate through verbal abuse and emotional turmoil because one could not get what he wanted through a series of tactics to be seen, gain attention, and prove he had something of significant value to offer. (while taking from another)
Although no one wants to be flogged and exposed maybe as he truly set out to hurt and humiliate; where I had nothing but a great interest in him and his, he probably should have thought about what he was doing at the time. and I like I tried to teach his oldest, It is always about benefits and consequences! Weigh it out! How did it work out for you?
As years went on after me and the one before this one: Didn't someone lose their life because of the drunkenness and mayhem? Regardless of the situation! (as much as I want to weigh in on that, I will not. That is on those two conscious's.)
While I am at it, what I now choose to write about has nothing to do with my last person. The past 6 years of my life were a blessing and the experiences I was offered were the charmed life I had been building upon But there is no excuse to ignore health and to give in to fear because it veered off a path of unknown... I am a calculated risk-taker. I do not need concrete. I do not need the conforming of a job that destroys people and devastates mental and physical health. Anger ruins relationships and I refuse to cater to misery! #nuffsaid It was time. It ran its very good course ...
I am not perfect by any means. I am very aware of my personal idiosyncracies! I also am very aware of my own fight, flight, fawn, and freeze coping mechanisms that were created and formed from the prior 8 years. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse and as I was studying it became more prevalent into what I had endured. You do not know how bad it is until you are out of a situation and you look back replaying everything done and said.
For just a brief second, I want to throw this out there! I am not all that and I never have thought I was. Honestly, when I look in the mirror, I look odd. I have days when I think ok I look good but never have I thought ... "OMG, look at me" So when several photographers approached me at the beginning of social media to do photoshoots, I thought why not. Being berated for my looks and weight from the 8-year tobaggle; I thought it would be a morale boost considering everyone he cheated with was obese! Now of course I received that text that said, "Show that to your grandkids! You are tasteless! That is not why I am with you" I laughed... did he not see who he was parading around with? Was he really that blind and stupid? Nonetheless, the shoots garnered more work for me! and it also helped me as a photographer view from other angles! The experience was exhilarating! Considering everything I had endured! It allowed me opportunities in another direction! #advancements
The family connection
His mother and I were close until fatty #2 came into the picture. I am positive she #fatty2 stirred the pot so bad for all parties involved! The coerciveness flowed... and I felt it with every damn message she sent me! At one point I said, "Look chic, you are a pawn in his game" It is on you now! It would be the same thing I would say to this one! Look Sister M.A its your turn to suffer! You are one more in the mix except now he is old... and you're right there with him! #crone
There were moments when his mother told me stories and secrets! These things I will forever be grateful for! In between coffee and runs to the Dr and errands he probably doesn't even know about. The weekly phone calls... but again I was the bad person! His mother gave and gave and bailed him out of every financial fiasco he got himself into! How dare I not afford his life. right ... bad girlfriend!
As if it wasn't enough his folks gave him 20,000 for a down payment on that house or that his mother paid off his house when it went into foreclosure not once but twice! I really do not remember any sky writing on that! but yet when my car loan went into default because of scrupulous dealings of fraud; please the sky was falling... but how did fatty 2 lose her car? I was at least making payments and the finance company was holding on to them! Oh well,,, Should I mention his boat and RV that was repossessed? (that phone call to me was distressing. I couldn't understand, why didn't you make the payments?)
Looking back at all of this now, it is ridiculous! The projection from the narc who could not be accountable for his finances but it was my fault I did not work a better paying job! Somehow though I managed to take classes in life coaching, build an art business and freelance photography! " but I was looking for someone to take care of me? Have you googled my name? Yeah! That's what I thought? "Put down the crack pipe!" Did he tell you how he caught a roof on fire because of a crack pipe? Guess not! SMH
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Let us write an insert in the book...
While the bartender (who he was f...king) in that dive was feeding his underage kid drinks, simultaneously, it was his best friend sending her messages on the scene his daughter was making. The seggual diddling that was seen between her and a boyfriend in a public place. She had already tried to tell him, he needed to say something to her about that behavior but it went on deaf ears! Of course, the other one was drinking with a school mate and a bottle of rum that was found on a counter was blamed on her. Because of course, that child had to blame someone! It was only when she was pulled over by a police officer and brought to her house... the officer very kindly said, "If it was my daughter"
Look, kids were kids, and there would always be some escapades, but setting a boundary was imperative! If she was the woman in that relationship and they needed a mother someone had to act like the grown-up and be a parent to them because at that time he was not!
Really what did she expect, he was f...king the bartender! The beginning of the end,,, it was too much and in a letter that was meant for his eyes only; reiterating these are your children! The disrespect and the promiscuity are too much to deal with! She was already going broke doing everything in her power to make up for what he was not doing! She had a child of her own that needed her responsibility as a parent! but she loved those kids as if they were hers! She treated them no different than her own! To ask for respect was not a lot to expect... considering what she was dealing with!
That is the thing, when you are setting a boundary and people do not abide by it, mayhem occurs! Also as a parent, you do not share adult information with the kids to form allies, or alliances and to pit against those because you can't get your way! Children do not need to know adult problems! It creates anxiety and emotional imbalances! It was enough they lost their mother due to his abuse and drug issues! They were kids... that needed a mother!
More to come!
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Some of these chapters get harder to write, they trigger a variety of issues! For the last couple of months, I have mentally struggled to piece things in some order that seems to have fallen apart at the seams! My days consist of work and having to find the grace to deal with the public that has lost all sense of common!
My body hurts worse than it ever has! My hip is about to snap and although I pray it doesn't at least if it happens at work it's on their dime!
Again I spin it as a writer, I can call out and call whomever what name I choose! I hold the pen! Its my story I am telling! The proof is always in the ... what ever the drink of choice is. So if the crone hasn't poisoned Barnacle Bob yet, give her time! It's her turn to suffer!
Kitryn Marie
If you are interested in learning how to put a vision board together based on psychology and life coaching reach out to kitryn_marie@yahoo.com 65.00 per 2-hour class.
