The Keeper Of All Secrets
Good Lord, I heard my Gram's voice this morning! In her funny tone, she says, because my Gram was witty; "I always liked Ronald Regan" What would that have to do with anything is beyond me? That is the thing when you are clairvoyant... messages, phrases, and hearing glimpses from those gone, you have to leave interpretation and the deciphering play out until you understand the message/meaning. {I guess I liked Ronald Regan too. He rode horses and his wife was big-time into astrology!} Ha! An actor who played significant roles in his life to shape a nation that needed to be reformed. "Mr Gorbajev, take down the wall" is about the only thing I can remember.
Again why that would have anything to do with what is going on in my world is beyond my scope at the moment!
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My Gram was hell-bent on teaching us manners and how to be poised. She taught, us how to be a lady, with closed legs and closed mouths! (the latter I did not get the memo ;) ) I can not tell you the numerous times she would say, "Kit you don't have to rock the boat" Um, I'd laugh and say, "If you do not question the opposition and or authority, how does a person ever learn the truth?" Then her words would follow, "It is how you say it!" and I would respond, "What to the point and loud?" by then she would be laughing! It was funny. My Gram a Saint did what she needed to do to raise yet another set of girls. She had already birthed 3 and after Mom's passing gladly with open arms and huge heart; she and Grandpa took us in. I can not imagine the anguish that came with any decisions at that time. No one talked about it... no one!
A little history on my Gram! Her mom and my Grandpa's mom lived in the same small town in Italy and went to the same orphanage school. When they arrived in St. Louis they were placed across the street from each other. I guess sweeping stoops they recognized each other and like they say the rest is history. My gram fell head over heels for my grandpa although she had been promised already, a family arrangement, to marry, Farrell the plumber. (he had money! He was well off and he could have provided her with a lifestyle!) My gram did not want any part of it! (she and my grandpa eloped first) Well, in Italian tradition, if there was a promise of marriage, the intended groom could kidnap her for 3 days just to see if that was what he really wanted, and if he did not like what he saw and what he had; the agreement would become null and void. Needless to say, Farrell, the plumber caught wind and the plan was foiled by love. Throughout life, as Gram told that story any time any of us girls talked about "love" her response always was, "It is just as easy to love a poor man as it is a rich man" Grandpa was poor! A shoemaker trying to run a business and an accomplished guitar player who moonlighted at night so we could live and they could afford the extra mouths to clothe and feed. Gram would help out by taking on sewing jobs. Really we knew no difference. It was just loud growing up... everyone talked at the same time. (probably why my nervous system is so dysregulated. I hate noise! #people #tv #radio)
Ok, fast forward some years, and after my ridiculous dealings with my high school boyfriend and then Perryville guy I would have moved to the moon for... the next subsequently I married. (I will try to be nice) It was the invasion of the wedding snatchers! I did not have but 2 says in that fiasco! I insisted on feathers in the girl's bouquets and fur around the neckline and hats. (It was the Princess Diana era) Anyway, gram made not only my dress (3 patterns) but also did the 7!!!!! bridesmaids dresses also. We were to be married on Thanksgiving Nov 24, 1983. Tradition... mom and Dad were married Nov 27th and Gram and Grandpa (2nd wedding) Nov 29th. My wedding was something out of a nightmare but it was a pretty nightmare. I have been married only once!!!! The marriage lasted 11 years and 2 children later, I was done. I had enough! ( I will be nice...sorta) After countless moves and a man who could not keep a job, hold down a job, and put TV and his playing sports in front of his family and because my dad was sick and dying, it was my out!
During the time of our marriage with small kids, I worked babysitting, and cleaned houses and the school rectory to pay for my oldest catholic school tuition. I did craft fairs and also worked for a nursery (plants) and craft store. It was only when I moved in with my dad to care for him I went into the food and beverage industry. ( I will save that history lesson for another time) This I will say, when I went into that industry, I worked 4 days a week/day and made 900.00 a week. Gram helped watch the kids til I got home. It was my job as a mom to be hands-on!
That is the thing about grandparents. They step up and help out... and they are the keeper of all secrets! and they love those babies more than life itself!
Why is any of this important? I imagine I am thinking about this because we are looking at such foolery in our now family dynamics. Life is hard and it is costly to feed those we love! To care take and to help out where so many have lost out on growing up with 2 hands-on parents. The amount of children I have taken in due to the upbringing from my gram! If I had a nickel for every time she would say, "It's not their fault!" You feed and love with what you have to give. You teach what you know and you pray that it is going to sink in and help out so when those kids grow, they look back and they understand where it all stems from and why it was done the way it was done!
Children who are not taught manners, poise and grace without knowing a moral compass, it falls back on a parent who was not there! Who could not be there! Who did not want to be there! It is the lack of obligation to an offspring that has gotten in the way of a good time... but depending on the era, the grandparent was there!
The issue too by today's standards there are not too many hands-on grandparents to help out because they feel they raised their kids and they are not going to do it again! Which I do not understand. Unfortunately, my grandkids are not around the corner but if my daughter needs I try to do my best to be there. Regardless!
By the time my youngest came around in 2000, my gram still wanted to help out in any capacity she could. She still was giving her heart although she was not able to get around much any longer. If she rocked a baby, she was happy!
I still do not understand why or where the Ronald Regan thing came from this morning! His kids were a mess! LOL... and I have no clue the type of grandparent he was! :( Oh well...
Let me add an insert to a chapter
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The old woman was a keeper of secrets. She knew the bond between her husband and the daughter-in-law was thick. When you live in a small town there is one that knows what's been done in the dark.
His mother was a lovely lady with the sweetest of laughs. She once let out while having morning coffee with her, "You know we knew. She would have never left if it wasn't for him dying but then I guess there was nothing left to hold over her head."
Really the bigger issue was each held secrets of their own. One hoping to take to his grave and the other fleeing to escape the bondage needing to take her children with her.
When there are children involved, no one wants to see them get hurt regardless of who really is the biological parent. You love and care and pray no one gets hurt knowing the truth. Children grow up and it's only when they look in the eyes of their own... they start to ask questions.
Of course, the greatest secret of all, he never knew he wasn't an only child. An affair his own father had causing the riff between families. It was his grandmother who found out, being in the same small circle and when she confronted him on it... he stopped talking to her; keeping his family separate and away from that side!
Somewhere out there, there was a half-sister, roughly 6 mos older than him. On a very somber morning when his mother released what she held so close-lipped for years. The betrayal from a man with a heavy hand and a burdened heart.
She gave a small smile. The things we do to keep peace for all the children.
More later...
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Something I want to add to any of this nonsense, ha!!! The bonds that mothers have with their children and the tattoos, they go to get together. I say to my daughter, "Let's go get chicken feet tattoos" My daughter who does have a tattoo on her rib cages says to me, "Mom you are not a dixie chick" and we both busted out laughing! Gram would have done it with me! ;) My oldest would do it with me in a heartbeat! and if I would have married, the last, I think it was in our marriage contract! LOL
Nonetheless...
There are too many kids out there wishing for a bond with the absent parent. The tattoo thing is a bonding experience. The one issue to understand is what is being tattooed. The meaning behind. The image and wording and to who it is acclaimed! Often times it is homage to the grandparent that was more hands-on than the parent himself!
So while you are trying to wrap all this together, let me just say, that tradition and family and a country ran better when Ronald Regan was in office! How's that Gram?
Kitryn Marie
