Where My Voice Has Gone Silent... There is Writing!
A little worn for wear, it feels good to write again. Where my voice has gone silent, my thoughts run rampant. It shakes the cobwebs out and rattles the neurotransmitters making all connections cognitive. Clear thoughts with pure intention. I do not operate in mal-ease. It is not in my spirit. To say what I mean and to mean what I say, no one to protect or no reason not to express to be creative. An outlet that I have learned to make a stipend, and to offer a real picture into matters. How a reader deciphers depends on how they connect and resonate with the words put in place.
All day yesterday I heard my Gram's voice in my head. At the moment I can't even recall what was said.(It's early and it will come to me later) There have been times I have clear clairvoyance. I know things and things are said to me. Depending on what is happening in my life or what I need to be warned about. It's a real thing! I can not imagine not having this gift at this point. My past person told my grandkids that you better listen to your gramma; she knows things and is magic. The boys know this already!!! The girls... oh those girls! They will catch on late as they grow when I call them out on ... things! I once told my grandma, "Something is wrong, You're going to get a phone call. Don't go too far." Later that day, my uncle Mike fell down an elevator shaft. 3 floors. He survived... We used to have relatives in Detroit. I again, would announce when a certain ring would come in and I would say before Gram would pick up the phone, that is so and so from Detroit and it would be! She would laugh! It has become more prevalent over the last 15 years! Anxiety and trauma will do that. It heightens all awareness. Anxeity says run clairvoyance says tell me more!
I pick up on energy and I am susceptible to reading a room and the people in it! So if you see me in person and I am quiet, don't worry, I am reading you! ;) lol
After a day yesterday, an 18 top at 11:30 I breezed through the few hours. My gram heavily still on my mind. No secret while I am promoting my classes, I still lend my hand elsewhere a few hours to make ends meet. #ohusgirls #makingaliving The economy is brutal. My chili, cornbread and my favorite margarita mx cost me 52.00; thank goodness a few meals will come out of it! That was gram, stretching meals to feed us. I just learned to do the same. Have I mentioned, I am down a size! This 12,000-step day at the gig has helped me to achieve svelte!
It hit me like a ton of bricks last night and at 7:00 I got up and completely tore my kitchen apart. When the kid got home from his 2nd job, I yelled can you come here and help me? For over an hour, we shifted that refrigerator one more time and got those cobwebs from behind the fridge and off the coils. (today I will tackle the baker rack and maybe bake bread) After it all was clean, I had a hankering for cookies so I broke out the fabulous mixer and whipped up some good old-fashioned sugar butter cookies! Of course to wash down with a margarita! My life, my happy ... do not judge! It may have been 11:30 by the time my evening ended and I climbed into bed at peace! Can you say that?
Ok what's fair to be said, while I am deep in cleaning, methodically I am writing in my head, All the things that need to be addressed, revealed, and put into perspective. It is a going over of many situations I can not wrap my head around along with placing dates and characters and their development into this book. I need to change the title? I definitely need to change the character's name. It does a disservice to my dog Hank. My dog is a better creature than the one I am writing on. I started writing "when he had her" way before I got Hank (the dog) and it never ever crossed my mind when I was conjuring up names for the girls {Hank was supposed to be a boy dog. I received both when 5 weeks old. Their dohickeys were waaaaaaaay too small to see gender. So when revealed Hank was a girl, The name just stuck.} Mostly I call her bougie girl! Or Panchetta Garducci. The others are Lola Finalo, Nellie Fatelli and of course Franchesca Fazoulli! The Dolce sisters. More creativity in this household than you can imagine.
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Sideline characters play such small roles in a chapter or two. Not in any real order there were Dana, Janice, Dawn and Jane... women who got entangled with the main character. Bl.w jobs in a parking lot for free drinks, one removing accounting papers to lower a work deficit, another; playing with his best friend's stepmom for attention (while having someone already living in his house) and lets add in the one he filtered in between the last while the supposed girlfriend went back and forth to her home town until her devastating accident. There is swooped in to play the hero in a serious situation he created! But really why did that one want to flee? Could there have been more abuse, more cheating... more of "but you are not doing anything to contribute to his personal welfare and house? What about his image?" IDK guess it all comes out in the end when real truths are revealed. (read the book)
*Undercover, it was an assignment she was given (still need to come up with a good solid strong name for her) Being an investigative reporter, she had worked closely with ATF and their sting operations. The force had sent her in to make contact with the person in charge over illegal gaming, tax fraud and money laundering from a community club. It was easy to befriend people and gather information on how the outfit was run. She applied as a bartender, an easy access to visibly view the money in question and the people who played the racket. 2nd class citizens who sat day after day drinking the cheap liquor, telling the same story, eating, drinking, and breathing the same environment. Locked doors to an alter, a hidden gambling room under lock and key that only members knew about. Events disguised as charitable opportunities taking in more money only to be laundered in another fashion. Night after night she counted over $10,000 to be separated and to be put into envelopes and then placed in a safe that resembled what the mob would have used. What was funny there were no cameras other than the one she had hidden in a necklace. She held steady the sting operation for 6 mos until someone caught wind of her and a questionable association. She found it so ironic how a person's horrific reputation carried over 4 counties away, once the jig was up, loose lips sank the ship and that was all those members wanted to talk about to her. Her job was done and ATF had gathered enough info. The night she was finishing closing and locking up for the last time; a truck hidden on the side of the building came out quickly running her off the road tail spinning into a ditch. It was decided her safety was more important than any assignment she was sent to do.
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What an imagination I have, right? This is what my thoughts look like while I am cleaning. It really all makes me stop in my tracks. In all of my years and all of the things I was put through and accused of... LOL how horrible of a person I must have been while I was fighting for and working towards having a good life. The shame that a person must feel and or the embarrassment with immense guilt (of course unless you're a narc then you feel no remorse)that people would take notice and talk about the dumb f.ck foolery.
I have always asked, especially as a life coach; how bad does a person feel about their life, that they thought by truly hurting another person intentionally, thinking they were getting away with something to get ahead at someone else's emotional and mental expense; because they could not get their way and they were trying to punish someone else for wanting stable and healthy life in non-toxic environment? All for validation and needing something to prove or finding anyone that would settle for what they had; a life not fit for anyone involved. It would be the only reason a person would attach to someone who had more to offer him. It benefited him. He is attracted to all the shiny things unlike the poorly tarnished worn women (who have offered those things) as he attached to those bad decisions.
It was during those 2 years of studying I came to learn a very hard truth. All the bad things that can happen to one person at the hands of the other person have nothing to do with the one that got hurt. it says more about the other person's character how they were raised and the disrespect that they felt entitled to have. Healthy relationships have boundaries and no one is entitled to take more than what they are giving!
I remember now, that Gram said, "God watches out for drunks and babies," They both tell the truth! Babies are gifts from God! Drunks... well, they are people that can not find their way and out of desperation they congregate where misery lives in a crowd to feel anything than what they feel.
Fate Turns on a Dime
Kitryn Marie
PS... #clairavoiayant For the person who needs to hear this, she has already dealt with one man and a heart attack. (I always know more than I say)
