Be The Blessing!
It's a beautiful, chilly day here in St. Louis! Where I thought there might be a dusting of snow this morning, there was only a sliver of frost across the lawns and vehicles. Maybe tonight? That first snowfall is refreshing, and it reminds us all to slow down. The house is warm, one pie is finished and the turkey is in the oven. It is Thanksgiving day. It is a day to be blessed and offer thanks. To receive the blessings you must be the blessing first! For your cup to runneth over first you must be living in gratitude. Grateful for all things both good and bad. Knowing the lesson brought forth with each!
I remember the days when my dad would call, at 8:30 am sharp, asking is the bird in the oven? My reply always every year was, "No dad not yet" It would follow with, "What time do you want me there?" It didn't matter he would be early to entertain my kids. Thanksgiving was both of our favorite meals! This year like the last 20, it is all different. I can not recall the last time Thanksgiving left a good heartfelt sentiment. The food is always good!!! The company is what it is mostly; a conglomerate of people thrown together for the sake of a holiday meal and conversation. There are no wow effects other than my daughter's sweet potato casserole. {which she will not give me the recipe} There is no OMG let's remember this for next year's moments! As Jason, my oldest would say, "Put it in the books Mom" An accumulation of antics, mishaps, and laughter that would put me in a tailspin for hours til we all were crying. I can not remember the last time I laughed like that. Life has been far from funny. (Dad's been gone forever. 1992) This year it is me and the kid. My youngest has no clue what a real family Thanksgiving looked like from years gone by. He only knows us.
A 14lb bird is in the oven. One pumpkin pie is finished. I will put together an apple pie later. I will fry my sweet potatoes in butter and brown sugar. Adding, my spin on my Aunt Phyllis's hot Italian sausage stuffing recipe. I'll throw a green bean casserole simultaneously in the oven and maybe whip up some biscuits from scratch. Its tradition! Its tradition!!! Its tradition! Some forget that meaning and what goes behind it!
I can not preach enough if there is no tradition to carry out and down during a holiday any holiday, you are an empty vessel. It says more than enough about your character and what you lack in your personal emotional wherewithal. And to add if you chose not to attend any family gatherings while parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were alive, you do not get to immortalize them and those situations you did not participate in! and sulk playing the victim out of remorse, guilt and shame! This is a hard lesson I am trying so hard to convey to my older kids. Life has gotten out of control and I hope they come to understand this before it's too late!
This I will say, this is the first year in a lot of years, that I do not have to listen to the anger that has harbored in one's soul. I did not have to listen to the complaints about how expensive groceries are. I did not have to be distraught and held emotional hostage because someone did not want to venture out to their living relatives' house to share the blessings from a meal! I also did not have to deal with any procrastination because one could not veer away from the TV and getting in the shower to be ready on time!
Trust me I know how hard holidays can be! I get the trigger points! I personally know the depths of hell and what disappointment and resentment feel like when sorrow, strife and grief reside deep. Something I learned when I was learning/studying about life coaching. It takes up to 2-15 years to deal with neglect, sadness, and emotional abuse. Throw in death and loss and it ups the annie. You do not get over it. It hides and lingers quietly. Every year that person is reminded of what happened or didn't happen. The letdown, the fighting, or the harassment that occurred during durations of certain relationships during those holiday seasons. I personally can attest to a relationship where I was the only one putting effort into the meals and party planning for someone and his mother and children with not even a thanks for the effort and huge cost, with no contribution on his part, that went into the buying planning and cooking and serving. (because on his end it was just expected)
There is a trigger recall from disrespect and lack of common courtesy. Those poor behavior qualities crush souls. It hits deep especially when someone believes in tradition and remembers pure joyous moments that once were had with family. Memories good or bad they have an effect on all humans.
***I have seen a plethora of men who have neglected their kids due to alcohol and depression never learning to deal with regulating their emotions or seeing the environment in which they were associating with which contributed to their emotional and mental instability! Although I am discussing Thanksgiving this leads into Christmas. The same people who had no money for gifts but had money for alcohol. Couldn't be present for a holiday but could make time for the bar? Time cost nothing! Lending a participating hand in creating a memory... a long-lasting one at that! A gift of being present! for all holidays! Children grow up and look back and they do recall who was there and what happened each and every one of those holidays! There is no greater hurt than a child who feels neglected and abandoned! Because someone could not put in the effort! and participate!
It's all too easy for an avoidant to detach so a person does not have to feel, participate, or contribute. It is just not a meal, a ham, a turkey or sweet potatoes! It's the stories told, retold and memories relived for just a few short hours with people who want to share joy and remember the good times! Pure joy so more memories can be made!!!
I need to go check on my bird... it's under wrap in my roasting pan! You know the blue one with white speckles! My favorite!!!! I can start on that stuffing... I plan for the kid and me to eat about 4!!! and if by chance it does snow (flurry) tonight; LOL I hear my dad saying," Are you ready to put the tree up?" Jokes on him! It's already up!
In order to receive the blessings, you must be the blessing! Be grateful.. Give Thanks!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Kitryn Marie
