Sickness and Health...

 As an artist and a writer, I use various "character" terms and visuals to depict scenarios. It is easier for the reader to decipher the meaning because they understand what the term means and they can visualize what is meant behind what I am trying to say. It isn't meant to be cruel although oftentimes it's truthful. On repeat, how anyone interprets what is being written or said depends on how they resonate with what I describe or story tell. That is the beauty of being a writer; I get to write how I have learned of situations or what I have studied or even how something has played out in my life and I get to spin it as I see fit.

Aging has its ups and downs. How one has taken care of their personal health and the habits they have committed to plays out at the end of life. Also depending on who you have coupled up with and tolerated their habits and routines, it affects you, regardless of how well you have taken care of your physical being. If abuse has occurred throughout it has played havoc with your mental state. That mental state dictates your physical health. Also if there has been severe grief or trauma it too has taken quite the beating where your soul has been devastated again creating a deficit in your personal health and your looks. Sadly those issues are visibly seen in personal image. 

In recent, when I was looking at the effects of aging and caretaking when marrying older in life; the devastating truth is that men who marry late in life, don't want a wife. They like the idea of a wife and they love the idea of something to come home to but the reality is...they want a caretaker. The truth in that statement is the term is called hospice wife. 

Now vows may say for better or worse, sickness and health til death due us part; I'd like to just mention those words were intended for the young who had their whole lives ahead not knowing what tribulations and or trials they would have to face in the upcoming years.

But the aging man who has burned through several relationships having his dangle wank in anything that walks and would drink with him, at one point, reflects a horrible mirrored image of his life. He knows exactly what has been done throughout his life and all the failures that he has created in those situationships. If finances have been a struggle and or his mother has been his personal banker, as he ages, he will seek out someone who will provide financial stability and care for his aging drama. He purposely seeks out a woman who fits the criteria. It will be masked as love late in life but the reality is he doesn't want or can't be alone. He does not want to die alone. He will drag out his miserable existence and make it someone else's issue.

It is the final security to his plot and plague... seeking someone to marry who either knows nothing of his past or someone who is meek/unassuming and willing to put up with and or overlook the past he is trying to forget he created.

Now on another note to this, there are men who have had long-term first marriages and sadly the wife passes. He is comfortable being married; and having that stability because that is all he is familiar with. Some men love the security of knowing they have a family and a wife who mutually is a partner for the long haul. It is in their DNA! It has been born and bred to be a man; is to take a wife and provide! (throughout the last 2 generations this concept has gone out the window)

Let's talk about the man who in theory likes the idea of marriage, has gotten tired of his avoidant and dismissive behavior. He has looked in the mirror and suddenly has this awakening of his age and his health and the woman he knows he should have emotionally done better with. He has played every conversation and excuse he gave her as to why they shouldn't be married because fear has overruled his life. It was the decision-making in that commitment. {if you are avoidant and dismissive they don't make decisions because if it is a bad decision there is nowhere to run) #psychology101 . When you spend a lifetime of running away and not connecting, attaching or being present you never have to commit for the long haul. Providing financially says, I'll give you this but be happy with it because I can't afford to give you me! 

Now eventually this person does die alone with heavy regret or like my dad always said men like that make that wake-up call before it's too late and do what should have been done years earlier. He also went on to say... there is nothing to lose at this point! Its a win win if the woman wanted that to begin with...

Regardless of age, sickness and health are a fact of life for us all but when it comes down to desperation and what that person you are marrying can do for you as you are aging in that caretaking stage... you didn't/don't want a partner, you wanted a hospice wife!

Men do better! Understand what it means to be a good partner and a best friend to the woman you are trying to wife up (or pretending to call your wife)! We get tired of playing nurse and house to those who have failed miserably to personally care for their own emotional lack of awareness!

And to the woman who refuses to see the truth, you are not his mother! Stop caretaking and financially giving everything up to someone who has created their own dumpster fires and calling them failed relationships! {Blaming others for their own mistakes}

If you would like to learn more reach out kitryn_marie@yahoo.com to book my vision board class! Based on psychology and life coaching! 65.00 per 2-3 hours private or group

Kitryn Marie