A Bit Of Bad Beef
A bit of bad beef...and 24 hrs of sick, ill, mal-eased, and quite frankly just out of it. My stomach is still queasy but I am up, at the computer, deleting files upon files and attempting to make new space for anything that looks inviting, invigorating, healthy, and shows potential for fresher signs of life! It is not fun being sick or having "things" in your body that do not belong there! (fill in your own blank )
I personally am not for the faint of heart, weakened lungs or legs that can not keep up! There is plenty of time for sleep ...when a person is dead! I got life to live...so let's get to it!
Screaming from a rooftop for the last 10 years, watch me now has frazzled dripped my quirky enthusiasm. I look at EVERYTHING and think, "Gawd this has gotten old" My face everything, head-on approach truly wants me to run far away from everything and everyone that has disappointed me (false empty promises) and deflecting on purpose that has led me astray because their merited cowardly unhealthy habits refused to accept and adapt to the prospects of life elsewhere. What some people call a secure life is really a flabbergasted excuse for not wanting to make changes and effort for a better quality of living. {EX: living in your ex-girlfriend's apt. that you have rented since the beginning of time because you're codependent on the security of that relationship: (although passive aggressive which borderlines a personality disorder) the one person who has always provided a spot for you because of your misplaced position in life{who can and does control the outcome} and because you can not make a decision for yourself. It is by far the worst excuse anyone can use.}
I remind people. You are not a tree and it has been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt through behavior you also have no roots... #emotionalavoidance #emotionalunattachments #noballs #nodesirefordifferent Make the move...Get up and leave! You are not stuck! You just live really bad habits!
My dad was like that to a degree in the above refusing to address the unhealthy lifestyle he would succumb to. Too many demons. Too many bad choices and a lifetime of guilt and shame. It was easy for him to throw money at a situation. {I gave you this $$$$ now be happy and accept it. What more do you want from me?} People who are avoidant and do not know how to emotionally connect will use any form of monetary value. {and of course, then get angry about it. Using it as a default mechanism so they can justify why they can not be AVAILABLE emotionally) The flip side of this narcissistic behavior, my dad also used money as a controlled weapon. People who sit on mounds of money with nothing of any value in life become stewardship hoarders protecting the assets as if nothing else in life matters. No one or nothing else is as important as what material gained from those old Benjamins that sit in their bank. I will never understand this concept!
These types of people also believe more is needed and how they view their security is so misconstrued. I am not saying to be frivolous. There is a responsibility to self to maintain a productive lifestyle and to survive without worry but if that person lives with a do-without attitude and deprives oneself of better. It says a lot about their mental state and how they view the importance of caring for themself. Especially, if coupled up with someone and the other is striving towards another way of life and the one that will not budge; they are just expecting the other to concede in defeat because change is scary and to be misplaced or redirected, is uncomfortable{how dare anyone to expect them to alter their sub-existence life and the way they are living it} refusing to budge because that would require another way of modifying baggage that may come with a $$$ risk? Hello, welcome to adulthood!
To further add more to this, Let's talk codependency; codependency says, " I am going to give you this and that, or the other. (I am then going to play the victim for doing such) I will deplete myself in order to take care of you so I do not have to work on myself or pay attention to my needs" The misaligned disproportional offers come with a backhanded love offer. (disguised as the provider) "But I did this for you! How can you not be happy with this bare minimum of living? Do you realize what I had to go through?" It is the lack of self-respect that has equated in this toboggle of a relationship! Any smart self-respecting person would nip this in the bud and say "Physician heal thy self. Keep your money... your offers of worth they hold no value to my principled ethics or what I need in a healthy relationship"
"Providers and those in committed relationships" do not hold anything "done" over a person's head. It is the give and take; over what each can do together to build the life they talked about; maintaining a goal that has been planned and working towards the change needed to get to the desired outcome. #bigpicture
As any intelligent adult would know by now, it is never 50/50. At best it's 40/60 on either side at any given moment. And to that guy,(the one everyone loves to gossip about) who now has but yet another woman living in the house, picking up his miserably failed pieces; for that so-called life of his that he desperately keeps destroying all the women that get involved with him... All for the taking, living on a prayer of deception, collapses houses built on joker cards. Any smart woman would realize, that you never mistake business dealings for heartfelt committed love. #lifecoaching101 That woman should also come to understand quickly, what gains will be made will be solely for this guy only. His profits (and benefits) will be at someone else's expense! Some people get into situation-ships that only serve their personal gain.
It takes all kinds. I have seen a lot over the last 20 years. I have learned a lot over the last 10! The things people dismissed and sabotaged because they could not step out of themselves and get out of their own self-depleting/defeating way. They refused to recognize the real noble and honest value, being put forth right, that comes with being an accountable adult, in a healthy relationship. Money may be part of all equations but what is stored in the heart bank is worth more than any controlled dollar or person they are trying to control with it.
Reminder: because a person pays for something or gives support towards an endeavor, it never gets a person off the hook for not being answerable for shameful (shitty) behavior. It is clear this person is trying to make up for; (disguising )the elephant that sits within... guilt by ignoring the people, places, and situations they should have faced and truly invested their where with all in!
24 hours makes a big difference ... although still queasy, it's not from the bad bit of beef.
Be Happy Be Blessed
Kitryn Marie
