Understand The Terms and Conditions
It is Sunday. I have a few hours before I leave the house. Writing keeps me on top of thoughts, momentive efforts, and creative endeavors, and it releases some of the noise that filters through my mind. This morning, I sat at my sewing machine cutting and stitching for work Christmas gifts. Small trinkets for my appreciation of the jobs they do for me!!!! {Besides it keeps me off of my phone. The overload of information is too much on most days}
While I am concentrating on stitches and combining fabrics, I am going over in my head, the materials needed for my Life Coaching classes. To be cohesive in matters is so imperative for my students to understand when we are discussing certain areas in their life. As I have stated on numerous occasions, it's the relationship house we discuss the most with money and finances following a close 2nd. I remind we are products of our environments and what we have witnessed in our family dynamics growing up plays a huge factor in our adult life. Especially if the examples of love and affection were dysfunctional or the household arguments revolved around money... crazy as it seems, it becomes embedded in the back part of our minds. The hippocampus stores it all and resurfaces at the most inappropriate times at its convenience, which then triggers a chain reaction to situations we as humans cannot understand why we can not get a grasp on what is happening or why the same situation occurs with each new relationship!
This is just one example ... (use your discernment)
*The only child who is doted on and given everything with no consequences in life other than to receive at all cost; usually grows up expecting his partners to do the same. The now adult expects that continuous devotion.(regardless of poor behavior) Being the only one, what is expected as an adult takes center and how others revolve around him. What love there is; is conditioned on what is given to him/her. And when they can not get that same desired effect, they either have adult temper-tantrum, gaslight their partner with shame for not giving them what they want or they go looking for someone else in another scenario to give him/her the monetary gift or praise they need they feel they deserve and to make them feel validated!
What is sad in the case above, is when that adult has children of their own, they cannot meet the demands or pressure {of themselves} because they cannot give to their children what was given to him/her. The terms now are different. Their parents set him/her up for failure... because the association with love, gifts and adoration given had a dollar amount attached to it. They were conditioned to always be on the receiving end. It becomes foreign to be on the giving end! Taking is what they know...
Let's take that a few steps and years later, a woman who has been married several times, looking for emotional security, financially, and with reciprocity, raising not only her children but her grandchildren. She is a giver. She is a caretaker and what she has had or earned she lovingly made sure her babies would receive what was needed. The love in all the offerings was sincere because she was hands-on in raising and teaching the values of family life. She now enters into a relationship or even marries the only child. By her nature, she has been conditioned to love, give, and be surrounded by a family situation. She willingly shares what she has because in her dynamic that is what she equates love to be.
Unfortunately becoming entangled with the only child who has neglected his own children; not offering them a warm and inviting home life or giving the correct parental love, not able to provide the basics at best, adequacy; the bond formed with his children will be compared to her raising of her children and the plight of or the ploy to... will be expected she gives his... the same unconditional love or at her cost because he was not equipped with the ability to caretake with affection or his time.
The only child/adult will expect his partner to give up everything he/she has to be with them because it's the gift that keeps giving to him while he gives up nothing to accommodate her. She sells off belongings, her home where she raised those children, and anything that previously she acquired through other marriages because its no longer needed and he convinces her, that what he has to offer is worth more! When in fact it is just easier for him not to do more! (or to raise his standards)
Now the plot twist to this is if her living conditions are less than desirable and or embarrassing to his image/status, he will sell her the idea, that where he lives is better for their relationship. Allowing his children to come and go with no regard to her. Now the twix here will be when her children and or grandchildren want to come and stay there...{watch the excuses he gives on why they can't} it will take away from her giving the attention to him. Remember he expects clear devotion. He equates attention and adoration with loving him only. He does not like to share nor does he like when attention goes to the woman. It hurts his ego! #motherwound
Like I tell my students, this type of person usually picks his players. This man has motives and he lines up who and what will work for him. When a man picks a woman based on what serves him... the one with the most toys wins! You should hear some of these women in my class gasp. What I described above is a classic example of how a narcissist intertwines the affection from his mother with who he gets enmeshed! With complexity how a mother dotes on an only child sets them up to become narcs! This has been studied repeatedly and the outcome remains the same! #NPD
Where the woman who believes her relationship is based on mutual amorousness; it methodically has been arranged and plotted on a condition he has set forth ... he has had a pre-existing predispose on how his life should look and has assured her this is what happily ever should look like. Remember she is looking for financial and emotional security. Especially, Again if she has come from a less desirable living quarters. His humble but modest abode will make a fine prison for her... because she sold everything to be with him! All for the sake of love! Can't you hear it, "but if you love me" "Now that you have me" etc etc etc...
When I am teaching financial and emotional security to these women, trying to make them understand, in this day and age... great use your heart but please take your head! and keep your finances separate!!!! Look to your person's past! Learn their methods, motives, and operations... ASK FKNG QUESTIONS!
People who can not be alone are desperate!!!! If there is something in it for them... they will set sail on some tangent! Especially in the beginning, the charm and the overload of mouth, they will ensure you know how great of a guy they are! If they have nothing of heart value to offer with good stories provable and do not act accordingly with morals and set of ethics; always blaming their ex-wives or girlfriends... ask the ex! Make contact with them if what you are being told does not add up!!!!!! and if need be ask to see tax returns!!!!! and all other liable court documents! If you're in it to win it... he should happily accommodate your request!
We live in this world, where if you can not find any information on the person you are involved with...#redflags or suddenly they go off of social media and claim no one needs to know our business or even have you convinced you should block so and so... for the love of God, do your homework! and Investigate what you are about to give your life away too!!!!
If you are interested in taking a Life Coaching class Using a vision board as a tool, the class is based on psychology!!! and its fundamental principles! To schedule reach out kitryn_marie@yahoo.com The class is 65.00 private or group
Fate Turns on A Dime... Understand the terms and Conditions
Kitryn Marie
