Pretty In Pink... Perfect In Paisley!

 It's a terrible thing to put all your faith into a situation that never would yield an outcome you desire. While I have been on this rant about conformists, codependents, detachments, and avoidants, let me tell you; I am 110% sure I was sent in to give lessons to a variety of people that have failed miserably at the test they were given! Do not blame the teacher, the messenger, and or the means by which it was delivered but blame the student for not receiving the clarity or methodical reasons for learning something unfamiliar. Altering lifestyles and making way for something new is uncomfortable and at a depth most would not know how to function. “ In the practical art of war, the best thing of all is to take the enemy's country whole and intact; to shatter and destroy it is not so good . ” “To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.” Some strategies seem like a fight ...

 Its Monday! It's cold! It's some mess between is it gonna snow AGAIN or is this bs rain gonna happen? It's Monday and the kinda tired I feel is indescribable. I have absolutely no energy in this type of weather. It took every bit of effort to pull myself out of bed this morning but with my solo dog...her whimpers that are getting more vocal by the day, screeching for me to let her out! Reluctantly moving a cat or 2, I fumbled to her crate. Its Monday! I am cold! Thank god there is no one here to talk with me. Shhh, please! Eeh eeh eeh... quiet! My morning routine has not veered in over a year. Let the dog out minus Bruce (the dog that just passed) manage cats, feed them, make coffee, read emails, check bank balances, check stats on social media, and then scroll tik tok while drinking my coffee in silence! The Little dog gets in her spot, I lay in mine with the heating pad, and the 2 of us zone until she says, "feed me" that long arm paw reaches up to let me know....

 At the end of all your relationships, have you found yourself saying, "you never wanted what I wanted? you only wanted what would work best for you... for your benefit" "You had no intention of ever altering your lifestyle" (because that lifestyle is easily familiar and very unhealthy and it is what you have done for a lifetime so why change it up now?)  It requires great change and effort to work towards big goals! It takes dedication and an independent modality to break away from the matrix, rewiring what you have been made to believe the American dream is: it leaves you sick, broken, and mentally distraught! We can add in family dysfunctions, abandonment, neglect issues, and narcissistic fathers, which have ensured a lifetime of alcohol abuse and addictions that are mimicked. So therefore a person can maintain their depressant, woe is me... it's someone else's fault behavior! Attractive right? Perfect attributes for gaining a happy life...and a loving pa...

 Over the last year, I have been audiobook-listening to some very interesting reads. Since I can not focus at all on reading (a sign of a fight or flight response) I have found listening is soothing while staring off at some focal point or keeping my eyes closed in a lounge lizard position. A person does what one does to regulate the nervous system. By far the book COMMITTED by Elizabeth Gilbert ranks as my best informed how to...on not to get married! (the ending was not the hype I was looking for) #hoopla I should have just stayed engaged in The 5 Languages of Love. That I could wrap my head around. (My love language is BUILD ME. altho that is not listed in the book!) Last week as I danced in and out of the kitchen at work, my 4 day-week gig that keeps life real and my 1200lb dinosaur fed; Joe, a young blossoming chef was listening to The Art Of War. Joe is studious by nature and curious about all things life! We have great conversations! Did I mention he is young...worldly an ol...

 I have thought for a few weeks on this writing, this subject. I have food for thoughts with some message behind my rhetorical lessons. I am a broken record that seems to be repeating the same message and it has fallen deeply on deaf ears. I am to the point; why bother? The inner voice just says give up... no one wants what you are selling, speaking, or the life I am trying to build. Not everyone sees life like I do nor are they willing to change their societal routine to have more, a different life and happier existence. After 4 years of on and off and a full year to myself, I have come to the conclusion, I would have better luck training a dragon! While I am on the subject of training, the adage, you can't teach an old dog new tricks and expect him to roll over and be thankful for the new learning curves, & an exciting way to do things; Cause and effect apply to all and we can thank Paslov for his experiments. Teach the dog a routine, entice him with a reward, and watch how h...

 I often wonder about my requests and or requirements in my romantic relationships. Of course, the top condition being... Be loyal and in my absence, talk all great things about me, defend my honor, speak on my behalf by proxy, and be true to it all! Is this too much to ask? Is it too much to ask after a long week of hard work for you to leave your disapproval of your co-workers, your societal behaviors, your off-color remarks, and your condescending views at the gate of your employer's parking lot? Is it too much to ask? Is it too much for me to expect you to take care of yourself? Your health, your aches and pains, your mental default, your physical appearance, and your outward image that everyone sees when they have come in contact with you? Is it too much to ask to be talked to kindly, to be touched gently and gracefully and not to be approached as a work tool? Is it too much to ask for you to be aware of your tone not only to me but to others as you speak? Is it too much to as...

 Portray the life, you choose to live and see what shows up for you! The universe has a very keen sense of what you desire versus God, who sometimes has some off-the-cuff sense of humor. Go ahead though and plug away at all the aesthetics, aligning the look, the life, the plan, and the goal, and then match it with your words! {Hear how it all sounds} Once a person has configured the words and you can hear how you want your life to sound; listening to the phonetics and the way dialogue just rolls off your tongue... you will have almost mastered the art of manifestation. The next key will be tricky because honestly if you are not believing what you are saying, you will not be able to feel what that life's emotions will offer you. {you might need to read that 2ce} Too often, if not always, people do not pay attention to how something makes them feel. Somewhere along in their growing-up environment, they were taught to stuff feelings away and just act in some auto-pilot mode to get thr...

 I have come to the realization that my expectations towards what I see for my life is unrealistic TO MANY! My simple 3-7-13 acre dream, raising a few 3 head of cattle, rescuing horses and rehabilitating them, and having chickens and some french geese to roam freely is obscure: Of course, choosing to Need a donkey to secure the property is insane,  as goats add to the merriment seems ludicrous to those that have been told by society...just work your 9-5 and grocery shop like everyone else this is what we have deemed for you, so follow the orders! I have had this dream as far back as I can remember! As a kid, my gram would say, "Kit we are city people. We do not have farms! As I approach the arousing age of 62, the dream still holds! Nothing has changed!  Except, Well I now own a horse! I put the horse before the cart knowing the rest will follow! I see it very clearly. I can feel it down deep within my soul. I can describe it down to the structures, beams, and nails. I ca...

 

 I live in what I call the flats of Affton Mo. A no-nothing area that houses a hodgepodge of homes, an array of ethnic groups, a cluster of families, a few schools, a main library, a couple of decent eateries, a handful of outdated bars, and a stretch of a mile that has tried to bring back something that resembles existence in a community; And let's not forget a lodge that sports a huge bronze animal that states they care thru the cash they take in thru cheap drinks in a bar... I mean lounge that supports the club. (more on that later). I've lived in this house for 17 years. This 972 sq ft shoebox has housed 3 children at different stages in their lives; with my youngest 22, still here. {My baby... leave it alone!} I have had numerous sized pets occupy space, my bed, my yard and my heart in these small quarters with 3 of them buried in my back yard. All are placed strategically amongst a garden. Knowing they are there is comforting but yet hauntingly, it hurts. My home was to b...