Its Just This Place
I live in what I call the flats of Affton Mo. A no-nothing area that houses a hodgepodge of homes, an array of ethnic groups, a cluster of families, a few schools, a main library, a couple of decent eateries, a handful of outdated bars, and a stretch of a mile that has tried to bring back something that resembles existence in a community; And let's not forget a lodge that sports a huge bronze animal that states they care thru the cash they take in thru cheap drinks in a bar... I mean lounge that supports the club. (more on that later).
I've lived in this house for 17 years. This 972 sq ft shoebox has housed 3 children at different stages in their lives; with my youngest 22, still here. {My baby... leave it alone!} I have had numerous sized pets occupy space, my bed, my yard and my heart in these small quarters with 3 of them buried in my back yard. All are placed strategically amongst a garden. Knowing they are there is comforting but yet hauntingly, it hurts.
My home was to be temporary. It was supposed to be a 5-year plan home till the kinks could be worked out in a relationship. The kinks turned out to be a very badly written script straight out of a poor Hitchcock adaptation from some amateur writer that worked for beer and cheap women. (that's sarcasm) but nonetheless, where does the time go? {that retorical} Being caught up in the throes of nothing short of where an exorcism should have taken place and crosses should have been put up and met with silver bullets. {just remember I am a writer. I get to and I can exaggerate as much as I choose}A horribly failed abusive relationship But yet here I am, 17 years, in this house where does the time go?
2009 when the world turned upside down, losing a prestigious job, falling on hard times, 2 attempts at repossessions, and a modification, I fought tooth and nail to remain in this oddly proportionate home. [It's where the heart is...right?] A roof over my head with an astounding amount of creative effort to make it something I could live with.
As follows: In 2010 took a job I did not want, 2011 an illness/situation found its way to me, 2013 a chronic illness wrecked my world, 2013 a female surgery, with another that came in 2015. Did I mention every single one of these experiences... came from the 2011 incident? Any way thru mental torment, heart anguish, and mental cruelty I studied.... I studied and I studied! (off to build my empire)
Now currently housed between tinkering Sam, quiet Monroe, and lets not leave out the Kravitiz's {not Lenny...but Gladys. Ya know from Bewitched} It's time to move! It's time to vacate and it's time to leave behind... It's time to leave what I know and begin while I still have creative momentum and this audacious appetite for more! { Green acres is the place for me! Darling, I love you... but I'm out!}
Oh did I tell you what I studied or even yet who I studied from? You realize you can study anything online and you can order any book, pamphlet, or course through a thing called the INTERNET. {Man all these new fancy-fangled things... amazing!}For 2 years, I listened to Jennifer Allwood, James Webmore, Stu Mclanahan, Christy Wright and even a chick called Coach Glitter! I found all my old college psychology books and subscribed to Psychology Today and read and read and read! I was reintroduced to the books Co-Dependent No More and the Fear of Intimacy. I listened to audio tapes and was introduced to this technique called...using your talents and gifts to make money. I was taught taking my life experiences and creating a storyline for my life I could connect with like-minded people who could benefit from my worldly knowledge and talk about it making an income by setting up classes to teach; by incorporating it into the talents and gifts that I was innately born with. (which in my case would be my art.) Combined with creating merchandise to sell to offset an income complete with my teaching painting and vision board 101/law of attraction. The empire had begun!
By some very unfortunate circumstances waaaay out of my control, the 8 year job I hated came to an end. The harassment and mental verbal abuse was more than I could deal with. Loyalty does pay and living on less than 240 a week is ludicrous. I had had my fill. Already feeling at my worst emotionally with the horrendous tormenting from customers, the ex and his string of bimbos, I was done! The next 4 years job-wise was not any better. I was just a warm body in a string of dysfunction at its highest degree. Although my income was slightly higher til it wasn't... the plandemic hit and any sense of common sense was gone! and so was my patience for stupidity and people who could not think for themselves.
The highlight in this WAS , a relationship had bloomed. A friendship that turned a corner that all seemed possible. It worked til it did not! We hit a string of triggers that I could not wrap my head around. My plan always was to move! Up and go... restart, replant... Continue building my empire while he took his craft, hard work ethic and went to work for another company that would value his experience and knowledge.(which never happened) Needless to say 4 years of on and off and a lot of stringing along, some fancy trinkets and some great trips, he thought I would succumb to his way of living. "Work, feed me... I'll drive you. You sit while I watch TV and just be happy. How much money do you need?" After realizing what grooming looks like (because I had to look at one of my textbooks to figure out what the hell was happening) realizing he never had any intention to change his existence. (What do a rock and a sloth have in common?) Some people just need a person that's less. I am not that person.
So here I am redefining what I need to do! AGAIN! 12 years of lost direction to someone else's idea of what life looked like according to... some very bad b movie from the early 1970's. I shake my head.
In this house or the next, this space is not going to occupy people who are committed to not growing and evolving. I studied hard and long to better myself and create this life most people only dream of! I took a set of very bad health issues and went on a long journey to healing my physical body. I had lost a ton of weight only to have someone insist that food be a priority when I could care less about food, other than the necessity a human needs to sustain at life! TV and food is not a top priority to me! Nor was it ever! Nor will it ever be!
After a string of temporary jobs last year, one being out of state, one being at a lodge 3 counties over, I completely,(the journalist in me) undercover, figured out how these organizations work. It was only after someone realized exactly who I was and started putting 2 and 2 together (because people talk and groups love to gossip) the information that fell out of the woodwork on a certain someone, it was time to go! Toxic is toxic and altho I made some very serious money in a matter of 4 mos, I could not tolerate the unhealthy characters that inhibited this type of environment and I have deaf ears where a certain human is concerned at this point in my life!
Needless again to say, I have marketed every which way on Sunday to establish my group painting lessons. I have used social media to every extent known to man to rebuild my identity and establish what my mission and purpose is. Although food and beverage is in my blood that industry never seems to escape me and blessingly it is providing a good living til the other is reintroduced into the correct market! Last year alone I was interviewed by 2 prominent magazines which yielded new followers and a new audience! Thankful and blessed. I live charmed life.
And there you have it! It's just this place... I am at! Please find me on all the social media platforms! Like and share and always subscribe!
Be Happy Be Blessed...Fate Turns on a dime! I promise!
Kitryn Marie
