Leader or Follow...Look At The Patterns
It's a terrible thing to put all your faith into a situation that never would yield an outcome you desire. While I have been on this rant about conformists, codependents, detachments, and avoidants, let me tell you; I am 110% sure I was sent in to give lessons to a variety of people that have failed miserably at the test they were given! Do not blame the teacher, the messenger, and or the means by which it was delivered but blame the student for not receiving the clarity or methodical reasons for learning something unfamiliar. Altering lifestyles and making way for something new is uncomfortable and at a depth most would not know how to function.
“In the practical art of war, the best thing of all is to take the enemy's country whole and intact; to shatter and destroy it is not so good.” “To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.”
Some strategies seem like a fight but when fear and unpredictable outcomes are ahead if something is not solid holding a sure footing people will retreat, balk and scramble for safety; yet men are sent into battles to fight things unseen by orders, conforming with others risking life and limb with no predictability but yet, it is called noble and brave! Someone, please let this make sense to me!
Every day people go and do jobs following orders, taking on assignments,, fulfilling duties, following protocol, recalling regiment, clocking in and clocking out and calling it a stable life... the end result, a paycheck from a company that would replace you by 5:00 the next night if you died today. Is that being noble and brave? Where one's purpose is only defined by tasks set in front of them through assignments on a daily schedule, it leaves no room for ingenuity and the ability to make a way; through cognitive awareness doing that same job on their own. Allowing that same job to have more meaningful reasoning in doing the task for themselves but that would call for discipline. Self-discipline becomes diminished when other entities are always dictating a direction to follow. It is one thing to show up on time (thats being responsible) and do the job but it is another when you are acting on your own, knowing your self-discipline depends on how you need to survive to earn a living.
Resilience and ingenuity play a huge role in self-discipline. People who want no attachments or responsibilities for themselves become conformists. They know all the rules are laid out and all they have to do is follow the rules and they get paid. Being avoidant to the opportunities they could make for themselves if they were a leader and not a follower. It takes great strategies to become a strong leader! A leader thinks on his own. He/she sets the rules and the conditions which others need to abide by. He/she decides when to get up and apply themselves to an outcome no one else sees but themselves knowing a huge payoff is going to be the end result!
Also, avoidants, become so detached from their jobs after the shift is over that they become irritable and angry due to work situations out of their control by orders given and not fulfilled by the hired players; often leading to self-medicating in environments worse than the working condition they just left. Coping mechanisms that have developed over a lifetime to drown out and mask situations they should have learned how to maneuver on their own as an independent when younger.
Avoidants also have a hard time unwinding from the day and they bring the misery home. As much as they want to detach from the situation it carries with them. Escape becomes a new reality in every which way. Get as far away from the situation, people, place, and things only to understand as an adult you have to go back...until a person consciously says no more! This is why people have Sunday night syndrome! This is why people do not sleep or get adequate rest on Sundays... then come Monday morning the mayhem begins the same... a vicious cycle at the hands of someone else's conformist dictatorship. It is a never-ending pattern all to get that predictable paycheck in a structured routine because it's familiar!
Let me too say this, it also applies to where one lives and to who calls the shots, the terms and the conditions in the housing situation. Passive aggressive landlords do not make good bedfellows unless there is a history of codependency in that relationship... guilt, obligation, shame, pay to play or live in this scenario knowing these terms have always provided you a place to crash. "Do for me, put up with these terms, do as I say follow my rules and you will never have to look for a place on your own" More conformation never leaving unhealthy and toxic patterns behind allowing one to make a better choice for their living environment on their own!
I'd love to say we do talk about these types of situations in my group vision board classes. One has to be open and aware of their lifelong patterns of being a follower and a conformist. It is a hard eye-opening fact when a person realizes why they choose to escape...only to go back to what is familiar and unhealthily safe in their work habits and living conditions. It requires no effort to change...let someone else dictate the terms! It's just easier and so much more structured misery!
As I say in my closing on my videos... "remember fate turns on a dime. Only you get to decide what side of that coin you want to be on!"
Be Happy
Kitryn Marie
