The Making Of a Well Balanced Life
In a recent article I was reading, it was stated by an individual that they did not feel as important as they thought they were. They went on to state, "the phone calls stopped. There were no longer any interactions and I was just left out there kinda hanging. My everyday existence just changed and I did not know what to do with myself." The person on the other end of that conversation simply asked, "well if that person had not come along in the first place what would you be doing? and if you would have been doing that why did you stop and allow someone to take that part away from you?"
I have repeatedly said, almost a broken record have said, "life does not stop and all personal activities do not come to a halt because you get yourself involved with someone." The importance of mind clarity and good mental health keeping oneself grounded and in touch with a person's endeavor needs to continue. If a person puts all of their eggs in one basket depending on another to keep them entertained, occupied, give them purpose or meaning to life, there should be a huge red flag in that relationship. Healthy relationships consist of 2 healthy adults with active lives, having well-structured hobbies or careers that do not infringe upon the need of having someone else in their life or constantly at their side.
Sadly long-term relationships do change and people need to adjust, adhere and find new meaningful activities (separate) so the relationship strain does not keep draining the life out of one of the individuals. Activities that once held both of their interest in time does wane... and the connectedness becomes too much. It too will suck the life out of the relationship... if that is the only thing holding the couple's interest together. The question then should be "why do you need me there? This is your thing not mine!" Or the other question would be why would you want someone to take on an activity that they do not like? If that person was ok on their own in the beginning par-taking!?
Ex: A couple belongs to a club. The man is always running up there to do odds and ends, inventory, cook etc... and he expects his wife/girlfriend to tag along because she too knows those people. The same stories, the same drama, the same ole that is now boring the life out of her. His stuck like glue existence to having someone on his hip because that is all he knows. He never ever thinks she might now want an interest of her own. Allowing her to discover some activity that would give her an outside joy. The separateness bringing something new to talk about... giving a separate identity. (often though it is the man with no confidence that can not do anything on his own that needs that woman on his hip because he can't be alone...he feels his worth is as only as good as the woman that follows his direction)
When people start relying on the everyday existence of their partner doing the same routines, home, life, hobbies, work etc... together all the time with no need for anything apart from; they lose touch with how life would be functioning on their own. Co-dependency and habitual survival do not make for an independent mind. Let me add to; the happiest of long-term marriages survive because of separate identities and separate interests! and when their partner passes on...life continues doing the same just without.
On the opposite end of this, We see where Ghosting leaves people devastated. Men and women who have had their partner suddenly disappear with no warning, leave, where their whole life was encompassed by their existence. {from just one of my experiences}I can tell you first hand... this is nothing no one wants to experience. It leaves you with this feeling of betrayal, unanswered questions and an emptiness that can not be described... Although I did have a hobby, for an 8-year duration, it was demanded of me to mesh into everything who this person was. It was frowned upon for me to have a separate identity so when he went off into the abyss, it left me with a spiraling emotion that took years to get a grip on and several life coaching classes that taught me never to allow this to occur again.
There are many reasons why girls have girlfriends and why guys do guy things! A person can't be everything to their partner all the time! It is the boundaries though that are set to keep everyone in check! These outside interests and hobbies allow all people to have other things to do... other things to focus on, other things that make them happy on their own... in case of... I am not dismissing emotion or connection... but if a person attaches to a situation or a person for that matters for all the wrong reasons, it does not make for a well-balanced existence or an inter-dependent life! If god forbid the relationship ends.
People have to take responsibility for their own happiness and how they choose to stay balanced. If a person feels like they meant nothing to someone, I'd have to say to that person, it has to do more with how they are taking the situation personally and not looking at the situation for what it really is. Taking responsibility for their part in that situation and understanding their actions could have played a huge part in why someone else would have walked away. Especially if the same conversations had played over and over and over and the same situation always ended with the same results.
So for anyone who has an interest, a hobby, a study, a healthy balance to how they live their life. Do not stop! and if you have none of the above mentioned, I seriously suggest you find how life is to be lived on your own keeping that mindful balance for what you will need in your life to keep you sustained independently.
I will say just for the sake of; in MY perfect world, there are 2 people who have separate identities. No one is connected at the hip. Each with several different studies, hobbies and interests that make them interesting and fun to be around. They each do separate things on their own but still, at times, do things together. They have 2 different types of jobs where each is contributing where needed with no demands for one to earn more than the other but knowing they can survive on their own financially and independently without the other. Being responsible for their own personal needs and happiness not expecting the other to be their only source of existence... but adding a certain charm to the relationship where something might need to be added; A complement to an existing source... and not a drain to. Adding that I would have to value (someone more) what someone brings to the relationship and does not take away from... me needing my own space to grow, and evolve into a better woman!
Be Happy Be Blessed
Kitryn Marie
