Do You Need Just One Day to Prove Your Love?
I am a simple girl with a very complicated mind. My standards are high and my expectations many times higher. I have always found that if I can not meet my own standards, how would I expect anyone else to match up to what I desire that also refers to love! {we all have this idea of what love is supposed to look like. It is how we have been conditioned and witness to}
Yes, it is that one time of year that big box stores, card companies, florists and chocolatiers insist you must profess your love and show ungodly amounts of store-bought items to prove your devotion! I have always questioned why one day? And what kind of person needs this hype? It's novel, it's boorish, it's unimaginative, and it's just one more day on the books for retail to bank! It's one of those very unnecessaries. No, I do not have a problem with love. I do though have a problem with unrealistic notions that this one day is the be-all and the end all... and that it proves your never ending love for one person.
At this point in life, unseemingly as I have lived life and loved far more than I should have, putting in the work that should have been done equally back, I just see things differently. My heart holds space for things that are more meaningful than a vase of roses that cost as much as a week's worth of groceries; that ends up dying in a week or two. A card is nice but that chain that has massed produced in large quantities hoping it will be a one size fit all sentiment... to fix what ails the relationship, showing devout affections. Anybody can sign that card, an I love you, written words mean nothing if actions do not match it. A card that will sit out for a week, til the moment fades and it gets tossed in a drawer to get lost with the other cards that who knows who sent in previous years or collection of the same ole routine... because the person has no ambition to change out of the stereotype that is expected from him/her. (yawn)
When I was a kid, my dad was notorious for a huge heart shape candy box and an album. The likes of what we (my sister) and I were into... he would leave it in the door and be on his merry way. We would play the album til it wore out and the candy would sit for a month. A token, a novel idea, an absent father. Although my gram always got a nice piece of heavenly hash from my grandpa, he would buy us a charm to go on our bracelet. (sadly when the world turned upside down in 2009, I had it melted down for cash to survive.) Beautiful trinkets that marked a special occasion. (sigh)
Through the years, valentine's dances, fancy dresses and shoes, oodles of cards, bouquets of flowers, perfume, chocolate, upscale dinners and even my first engagement ring came in a fish tank treasure box. A ruby ring loaded with diamonds. (same man; the second one came in an easter egg! A rock of a marquis surrounded by round diamonds, Both of them also turned in to melt down. Although my daughter has the stones!) Things... high dollar price tags that have left me with a memory of what was occurring at the time when I received them.
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The gift of being present, matching words to actions, promises that are said and kept. Loyalty with follow-through projects started and finished. Trips and adventures, traveled roads, and sincere conversations. Long deep kisses, the most intimate of lovemaking and trust that has been shared, built, treasured and kept safe! Do you need one day to prove all that? I shake my head...
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Right now there is some girl somewhere heartbroken she has received nothing and there is another who has received but yet one more bouquet of roses that he has sent to every girl he has ever been with! Cards that profess, YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. ( as he has cheated on her too) another that says, I could not do this without you and maybe one that simply says, with love and a scribble of a name.
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A simple gesture of a cooked breakfast... after a morning of pillow talk. Laughter that surrounds the house as if surround sound had been installed. Dancing in the kitchen... to music both share. A song that is theirs and not shared with others from the past. Coffee that enriches the taste buds with a full day of outing to explore life. Health that has been put on a front burner keeping fit, attractive and well kept! Reasons to keep falling in love. Seeing the importance of what life truly looks like! Do you need this one day to prove any of that?
"In this last decade"
I look in my drawer in a box that holds an engagement ring. It was my mother's ring. A ring I saw on her hand til the day she died. Having it resized and having the diamond put back in its place, sat on my finger for a very short time. I did not need a store bought ring. I did not need all the fancy bells and whistles... I needed tradition, a keep sake, a treasure and a life long promise. Sadly the promise was broken and destroyed, as the ring was ... having to be cut off of my finger because I had fallen and broken my hand. While out looking for my fiance' he was nowhere to be found... hurt, crushed, bruised and broken, yet he was with one more woman, a lie. Deep deception... I cried as I was being screamed at for being over-emotional. The ring sits, still in disrepair in the box that sits in my drawer. An empty promise with broken trust...
Yes, years have surpassed that particular time. Yes, I have adapted to the moments that occurred leading to those traumatic facts...and yes, I have added now realistic expectations for what being loved means and how it should be reciprocated... Chemistry always though will be a factor. You can not fake chemistry. You can not be just friends with no emotional ties or without deep intimacy. I do not need a card, or roses or candy or anything else for that matter... I do not need one day and neither should you for someone to prove their undying love for you!
So are my standards too high? Are my expectations too unrealistic? Are my emotional needs too complicated for any simple type?
I can take myself out to dinner. I can buy myself flowers... if I want candy, I know where to go!
Too many people are misled, thinking this one day is the cure to what is missing. {we all have this idea of what love is supposed to look like. It is how we have been conditioned and witness to} Its also what we long for,,, when we know what is right.
Happy Valentines Day
Be Happy Be Blessed,
Kitryn Marie
I write about various topics. As I have always said, if it resonates with you, only you know why you have become unnerved! Love is often messy, complicated and very overrated. Too many people switch out partners thinking the problem has been with someone else, when in fact they refuse to look in all mirrors and recognize who they have become and why they have behaved in ways unfathomable to others.
We all have a story... being honest and forefront understanding human conditions helps us to better come to terms with our own views on love and our placements in individual's lives. We hear, " I should have been a better man. I should have been the bigger man. I should have could have would have... if that one thing. Never taking responsibility or accountability for having lack of...
Although my writing today is about Valentines' day let it remind you of what everyday love should look like! One day a year proves nothing to no one !
Kitryn Marie
#lifecoach
