Reflections Of What I have Learned
I sometimes need to remind myself why I do the things I do. It's a calling, a purpose and it is a way for me to be creative. The adult as a child who was left alone to her own devices... her imagination! Writing is my first love, photography second, and my paintings have enriched my life, offering another perspective into what I see visually. Only some understand this and it is ok! Teaching has been the creme to the Brulee. It has been a way to get my mind off of TV and the division this world has become. The dreamers and the painters are so much more enjoyable to be around!
I know I am redundant when it comes to preaching about living another way of life. I have seen too many become miserable humans stuck in a 3-D world and expect everyone around them to tolerate such bad behavior. The conditions that have made people angry and insensitive to those who do not share the same sentiment. Their minds are brainwashed to a condition that has made them sick, unhappy, and depressed. The self-medicating to eliminate the pain of the day and the idiots they surround themselves with. ( I use that as a broad statement. It is not directed to anyone personally) What good is security if it keeps you a prisoner to your personal misery? Those walls I do not care to be welcome in.
Why did I study Life Coaching? How did I think it would help me? Where did I feel I could use it to better people's lives through teaching art? Those are the questions I am asked often! To the critic in the back! YOU KNOW YOU CAN STUDY ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET AND SIGN UP TO TAKE A CLASS! YOU KNOW YOU CAN STEP OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF AND LEARN SOMETHING THAT INTEREST YOU! YOU KNOW YOU CAN TAKE WHAT YOU LEARNED AND APPLY IT TO SOMETHING THAT IS GOING TO EARN YOU AN INCOME! Right? you get this concept, don't you? Or have you become so small-minded and narrow-sided that you have forgotten there is more to life than that miserable box you have put yourself in! {It is a shame I have to put it like that but I am over anyone who has criticized my life for wanting to do better for myself}
Life coaching is a process to help you see the steps and directions you have taken that have landed you where you are. It helps you identify your strengths and your weaknesses. It helps you understand the products of environment in which a person has become and the neurosis it has created in one's personal life! I use this process to teach my vision board class! It is an ART ENRICHMENT CLASS! It is a tool so students can get a visual into why their life has become what it is and where they want to see it go! It is a process! It is a creative learning experience! Again it is an art class! I teach art enrichment classes! I have never claimed to be a DR, psychologist, or psychiatrist!
By studying, I could identify in my own life the family dynamics and the denials brought on by grief and it is passing down of the elements and its components that forebear conditions a group of people; shared that makeup codependency raising a household and expecting others to mold to unhealthy conditions. Never allowing anyone to be different having a mind of their own developing their own identity!
I also came to terms with the meaning of narcissism and how toxic behavior takes over to manipulate and control a situation to have authority: taking what measures are necessary to remain dominant. Narcissists want to be adored! They crave attention! They feel special and they feel entitled! Narcissists see people as objects and they use them (manipulate) Narssist cannot be alone! They always have a backup plan! Usually, more than often, their relationships do not work out so therefore that backup plan comes in handy! A narc will marry or have someone move in with them just to play emotional hostage with them. The narc doesn't love you, they only love what you can do for them, give to them, provide for them... once secure, isolated, and in place, they typically go back to old behavior because now they are bored and it is not enough stimulant for their ego! They lack empathy and do not care about your needs unless they can lash out at you because it is taking something away from them. They are the neediest of humans and they can drain the life out of you. They basically train you not to ask for anything. They weaponize you, belittle you, ridicule you,their lives are chaotic and they harbor anger. You are incompetent if you are not living to their standard! It is a vicious cycle where you never win! It also is something that has been learned and mimicked from something seen as a child. It just becomes who they are and the people they destroy in the end.
As I am teaching my vision board class, I try to make sure my students understand what conditions they have been made to agree to through their growing-up years and the people they get involved with that goes completely against who they are and why they have been made to feel the way they do! A narc will completely break your spirit and make you sick beyond what depression looks like. These people confuse what love actually is and what they have been made to believe in the sake of love! It's disturbing and it is twisted beyond comparison.
While I have stepped back temporarily in teaching only because life and its mishaps have occurred this summer, I am resuming my classes. This class is 65.00 ea and it can go for 2-3 hrs. When I have a group the importance of sharing stories impacts and eye opens what choices people have made and who was their biggest influence in life. I love teaching this class! Would love to have you in it! Reach out!
**************************************************************************
As I started this post, writing has been my first love, and finishing a book I started 13 years ago needs to be finished. The life lessons the main character comes to realize making an agreement with (himself )alters the way he looked at life before he met the female character whose life he shattered.
This is what creative writing looks like...
"The child's name would have been Jack Edward. Of course, being only 7 weeks pregnant it was too early to decipher the gender, maybe wishful thinking on her part. Hoping and praying this baby would tie them all together. She remembered he never really cared for the name Jack having something to do with that was his cocaine dealer's name and the guy that was fuc...g his wife. Jack was a strong name. It denoted strength and courage. Now looking back she supposed pulling himself off a barstool denoted strength and courage something he lacked. The pleasure of substances and their high demanded more of his attention than she ever did or his own kids.
Where did time go? Had it been that long? 13 years already, the child would have been 13. If he would have answered his phone and got her to the hospital. She could have told him everything. Call after call after call he never answered. Sick and eventually miscarrying. She never told a soul. Why? What would be the point? Like all other things, she would just tolerate his cruelty. His cheating and the poor choices of the ones he picked. God awful nasty. It said more about his lack of confidence and the low self-esteem he carried. What mattered to him was what could they give him? How could he benefit?
Life had taken so many different directions. His failed relationships one after the other. Blood on his hands. Maybe if he hadn't beaten the last one up so bad she never would have fled into the arms of another. Maybe that was karma, when you lie and deceive so many to acquire status and an image it doesn't matter who gets hurt in the end. As long as he could triangulate, call in his flying monkeys, and rush in and play the hero. He could play his game especially if it was at someone else's expense. When you play the victim and throw in some charm I guess you can get the pants off anyone willing to give up what they have as long as it just made him look good, even now, it was said, the current looks like his mother. Supply was supply and looks never mattered to him anyway."
*******************************************************************************
Fate turns on a Dime!
Kitryn Marie
