The Affects Of Abuse
Writing can be very cathartic. It is a healing process. It is a fluid motion of emotions that can be put into words and one is very lucky if they have the talents and the know how to put those words into a form for others to learn from. For a reader to jump into the words and feel what the writer has gone through, is the purpose and intent meant behind it all.
When I decided to go into coaching both for life and business, it was intended to help other creative-minded women to jump out in front of whoever was holding them back. Still, to this day, too many women confuse the love they have for a man and their rights to be who they are! Women will give up their soul for a man they think will provide everything that makes their heart and soul happy. A man who knows how to manipulate that woman will take full advantage of that. He will cut her off from the life she knows and he will douse her dreams in order to talk her into thinking "this is what will be good for them both." He does not allow her to become the best version of herself because then it takes away from him! It is the most selfish act on this earth. It is a control that sadly too many women fall for. That is not love. Real love does not keep you from being the person you are or becoming the best part of who you are supposed to be!
A weak insecure man will cut you off from all your desires and fill you with empty promises because he needs you to believe in the lies he speaks. His insecurities need to be built up by you believing he is the only one that can SAVE you from whatever the life you have lived. If your attention is not on him 24/7 and you can not devout your entirety to him, he will make sure to make you feel guilty about what you need to do for you (and your child/ren)
I always had my hand in art but I fell into food and beverage. It was a way to make a quick buck and after my divorce, being a stay at home mom, I found food and beverage to be my niche! I was good at it! I made lots of money doing it! It was like second skin... being a waitress I could talk you to death and overfeed you! Its the Italian's way!! I was able to get out of my house for a few days pull in 900 a week and still take care of what I needed. (To this day I tell all parents, let your kid do food service, they will always have a dollar in their pocket and they will never go hungry!)
After years of working my way up that food chain, I landed a premier job as an events coordinator. I was able to take all of my working experience and my heritage's knowledge and lend it to a job I really enjoyed on top of making a very good amount of money. It was almost a 24/7 position. I had a staff of 40 under me and my attention to detail for that job was pertinent. I was hob-knobbing with some of St. Louis finest, politicians, police and fireman figure, religious heads and more influential people than you can think of!
The person I was involved with had a daughter that needed to be given a direction. My philosophy stood! I tried my very best to explain to his oldest. There are benefits and consequences and there are choices one needs to make to go in a direction. She needed a job and thinking I could take her under my wing and offer her the guidance she needed. Her father not working much falling on financial difficulties, I was in a position to offer him a place to work there also so he would have some money in his pocket til his situation turned.
He could see exactly what my job was. He knew the importance of my position and even after the assistance I had offered both, he found a way to throw it in my face. "YOU ARE ALWAYS WORKING. YOU SPEND MORE TIME WORRYING ABOUT YOUR JOB THEN ME. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO TO LUNCH WITH YOU SALESMAN? " Whatever I did it was not good enough. No matter how much I did are tried to do what was needed for me and us, he found a way to use it against me.
I will also add while holding that position, I came in contact with a benefactor for a private college and I was able to get that daughter a 9000. a year scholarship. That school was a premier private college that would have offered her a once in a lifetime experience but that too was thrown in my face. How dare I find her a school so far from him? He never could imagine the hoops and phone calls I went through to get her that experience but yet he wanted to constantly yell at me, "you don' t like my kids." I will add also, that youngest daughter, I shopped for, bought gifts for, had her over constantly, let her use my car for her driver's test,... but again, thrown in my face, "you don't like my kids!" Excuse me, I know NO Woman that does all that for a set of children she does not love. All I ever asked was to be respected and any gestures genuinely appreciated. ( I understand kids will be kids and I understand attitudes from girls, but not one time did I ever have the backing from their father, NEVER!)
After that position came to a screeching halt, the corporation changed hands and a new CFO was taking over and change was coming about quick, then the economy crashed 2008 and everyone was laid off and sadly the whole country was affected. Apparently, though that was my fault too! I was told repeatedly, "YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! I AM NOT GOING TO SUPPORT YOU"
As if they were handing out jobs, that year I sent out over 300 resumes, there was no choices or options. I collected unemployment and had to get assistance. Which fed us all! The unemployment took care of my house payment and whatever else was needed for us all. He still was not working much, His time spent in some bar running a tab while we continuously passed 400. back in forth to one another. Yet that too was my fault. His behavior angry and abusive.
I then found a writing gig for our local news affiliate. Finally an opportunity to use my college skills. A 12-week gig. Where I was interviewed on TV for an art project seen by the local viewing. I was invited to events and he was able to go with me where he stood in the background brooding instead of being proud that his girlfriend was being seen by 1000's. An opportunity that could have launched into something so much more but no that too took away from him. His words, " WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL? YOU ARE NOT SO SPECIAL. WHY DON;T YOU JUST GO GET A JOB. I''LL GET YOU A JOB WORKING AT THE BAR (he hung at) OR I'LL GET YOU ON AT THE ____ PLANT" It was about what he wanted. It was never about what I needed to do for me in order to do for us.
Finally after no avail, I did take a job bartending, which of course was thrown in my face. "WHY DO YOU DRESS LIKE THAT? WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS? The accusations made towards me all the while it was him doing all the antics behind my back. I took a job, I took anything I could to pay my bills. I was still feeding all of us and taking care of all holidays... it was never enough! Anything I did took away from him! If I was not hanging in his bar and with his friends doing whatever he needed for him and his... I did not matter! Who I was and what I was trying to achieve did not fit into his description of NORMAL. It came down to all of what he was trying to control.
Here is the thing, crushingly I was emotionally used and abused by a man I was in love with. A man that claimed he loved me... In all of those years, we were together, I ended up choked, punched in the head, thrown against a refrigerator, thrown against a car. I had my phone ripped out of the wall, the bed frame completely bent and destroyed and a lamp thrown at me. I was cheated on profusciouly and had other women's names thrown in my face. I was left to almost die by not getting to the hospital waiting on him.
I even had the one of those women call me and threaten to shoot me while another sent me a ridiculous email. After 8 years, being then ghosted while having a woman move in his house behind my back, never ending the relationship but yet to continuously reach out, drive by my house, text me, call me, send me pics, try to friend me/follow me on social media ...up to now, still! and yet he has but yet one more woman in his house!
(Here is my biggest question, if you did not want me or you felt it was ok to abuse me, why do you still have the need to check on me, find out what I am doing or have the audacity to feel the need to comment and make any connection with me.
What was done was as wrong as it gets. It is inexcusable! There is no forgiveness. You don't abuse, lie and cheat on people you claim to love. People who have jumped through hoops to make sure all is provided and loved for. You don't make empty promises and then throw everything back into that person's face who is tried and tried to keep it all together!)
When I decided to go into coaching both for life and business, it was intended to help other creative-minded women to jump out in front of whoever was holding them back. Still, to this day, too many women confuse the love they have for a man and their rights to be who they are! Women will give up their soul for a man they think will provide everything that makes their heart and soul happy. A man who knows how to manipulate that woman will take full advantage of that. He will cut her off from the life she knows and he will douse her dreams in order to talk her into thinking "this is what will be good for them both." He does not allow her to become the best version of herself because then it takes away from him! It is the most selfish act on this earth. It is a control that sadly too many women fall for. That is not love. Real love does not keep you from being the person you are or becoming the best part of who you are supposed to be!
A weak insecure man will cut you off from all your desires and fill you with empty promises because he needs you to believe in the lies he speaks. His insecurities need to be built up by you believing he is the only one that can SAVE you from whatever the life you have lived. If your attention is not on him 24/7 and you can not devout your entirety to him, he will make sure to make you feel guilty about what you need to do for you (and your child/ren)
*******************************************
I always had my hand in art but I fell into food and beverage. It was a way to make a quick buck and after my divorce, being a stay at home mom, I found food and beverage to be my niche! I was good at it! I made lots of money doing it! It was like second skin... being a waitress I could talk you to death and overfeed you! Its the Italian's way!! I was able to get out of my house for a few days pull in 900 a week and still take care of what I needed. (To this day I tell all parents, let your kid do food service, they will always have a dollar in their pocket and they will never go hungry!)
After years of working my way up that food chain, I landed a premier job as an events coordinator. I was able to take all of my working experience and my heritage's knowledge and lend it to a job I really enjoyed on top of making a very good amount of money. It was almost a 24/7 position. I had a staff of 40 under me and my attention to detail for that job was pertinent. I was hob-knobbing with some of St. Louis finest, politicians, police and fireman figure, religious heads and more influential people than you can think of!
The person I was involved with had a daughter that needed to be given a direction. My philosophy stood! I tried my very best to explain to his oldest. There are benefits and consequences and there are choices one needs to make to go in a direction. She needed a job and thinking I could take her under my wing and offer her the guidance she needed. Her father not working much falling on financial difficulties, I was in a position to offer him a place to work there also so he would have some money in his pocket til his situation turned.
He could see exactly what my job was. He knew the importance of my position and even after the assistance I had offered both, he found a way to throw it in my face. "YOU ARE ALWAYS WORKING. YOU SPEND MORE TIME WORRYING ABOUT YOUR JOB THEN ME. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO TO LUNCH WITH YOU SALESMAN? " Whatever I did it was not good enough. No matter how much I did are tried to do what was needed for me and us, he found a way to use it against me.
I will also add while holding that position, I came in contact with a benefactor for a private college and I was able to get that daughter a 9000. a year scholarship. That school was a premier private college that would have offered her a once in a lifetime experience but that too was thrown in my face. How dare I find her a school so far from him? He never could imagine the hoops and phone calls I went through to get her that experience but yet he wanted to constantly yell at me, "you don' t like my kids." I will add also, that youngest daughter, I shopped for, bought gifts for, had her over constantly, let her use my car for her driver's test,... but again, thrown in my face, "you don't like my kids!" Excuse me, I know NO Woman that does all that for a set of children she does not love. All I ever asked was to be respected and any gestures genuinely appreciated. ( I understand kids will be kids and I understand attitudes from girls, but not one time did I ever have the backing from their father, NEVER!)
After that position came to a screeching halt, the corporation changed hands and a new CFO was taking over and change was coming about quick, then the economy crashed 2008 and everyone was laid off and sadly the whole country was affected. Apparently, though that was my fault too! I was told repeatedly, "YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! I AM NOT GOING TO SUPPORT YOU"
As if they were handing out jobs, that year I sent out over 300 resumes, there was no choices or options. I collected unemployment and had to get assistance. Which fed us all! The unemployment took care of my house payment and whatever else was needed for us all. He still was not working much, His time spent in some bar running a tab while we continuously passed 400. back in forth to one another. Yet that too was my fault. His behavior angry and abusive.
I then found a writing gig for our local news affiliate. Finally an opportunity to use my college skills. A 12-week gig. Where I was interviewed on TV for an art project seen by the local viewing. I was invited to events and he was able to go with me where he stood in the background brooding instead of being proud that his girlfriend was being seen by 1000's. An opportunity that could have launched into something so much more but no that too took away from him. His words, " WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL? YOU ARE NOT SO SPECIAL. WHY DON;T YOU JUST GO GET A JOB. I''LL GET YOU A JOB WORKING AT THE BAR (he hung at) OR I'LL GET YOU ON AT THE ____ PLANT" It was about what he wanted. It was never about what I needed to do for me in order to do for us.
Finally after no avail, I did take a job bartending, which of course was thrown in my face. "WHY DO YOU DRESS LIKE THAT? WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS? The accusations made towards me all the while it was him doing all the antics behind my back. I took a job, I took anything I could to pay my bills. I was still feeding all of us and taking care of all holidays... it was never enough! Anything I did took away from him! If I was not hanging in his bar and with his friends doing whatever he needed for him and his... I did not matter! Who I was and what I was trying to achieve did not fit into his description of NORMAL. It came down to all of what he was trying to control.
Here is the thing, crushingly I was emotionally used and abused by a man I was in love with. A man that claimed he loved me... In all of those years, we were together, I ended up choked, punched in the head, thrown against a refrigerator, thrown against a car. I had my phone ripped out of the wall, the bed frame completely bent and destroyed and a lamp thrown at me. I was cheated on profusciouly and had other women's names thrown in my face. I was left to almost die by not getting to the hospital waiting on him.
I even had the one of those women call me and threaten to shoot me while another sent me a ridiculous email. After 8 years, being then ghosted while having a woman move in his house behind my back, never ending the relationship but yet to continuously reach out, drive by my house, text me, call me, send me pics, try to friend me/follow me on social media ...up to now, still! and yet he has but yet one more woman in his house!
(Here is my biggest question, if you did not want me or you felt it was ok to abuse me, why do you still have the need to check on me, find out what I am doing or have the audacity to feel the need to comment and make any connection with me.
What was done was as wrong as it gets. It is inexcusable! There is no forgiveness. You don't abuse, lie and cheat on people you claim to love. People who have jumped through hoops to make sure all is provided and loved for. You don't make empty promises and then throw everything back into that person's face who is tried and tried to keep it all together!)
It's about control!
******************************************
A weak insecure man will cut you off from all your desires and fill you with empty promises because he needs you to believe in the lies he speaks. His insecurities need to be built up by you believing he is the only one that can SAVE you from whatever the life you have lived. If your attention is not on him 24/7 and you can not devout your entirety to him, he will make sure to make you feel guilty about what you need to do for you (and your child/ren)
I wish I could say this was all something, I creatively have made up but this is hard crushing facts of what abuse did to me. There are scars that so many people do not see. Love does not keep you from becoming who you are meant to be. Life happens and love gets you through it. You don't throw in the towel and go to another person thinking they are the solution when you know damn well you are the problem. Abuse comes in so many different forms and control is the worst. It isolates you from your friends, your job, your family. It keeps you close and in his conformed situations so you have no choice but to dote all over him and his.
I tell my story! I loved hard and it almost killed me. I have never in my life and I will be 57 next Tues have seen the horrific behavior from else as this man. I wish no one this type of abuse. No woman on this earth should be played the way this individual plays with people's emotions.
I chose to become a life and a business coach to tell people and show people how to get to the other side. There is a life after heartbreaking abuse. I encourage women to speak up and out against their abuser. Do not keep silent. Do not make that person comfortable for what he caused. Do not shrink or bow down to no one! Do not feel bad for loving a narcissistic sociopath... it is learned behavior and he is a product of his environment. It is an illness. They go from people to people leaving a disastrous quake because they never take accountability for what they caused and they will do it to whoever is in their life!
Be aware of the signs... Know who you are dealing with! You could be his next victim.
Meet Me in St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
Life and Biz Coach
If you would like to learn more contact me at kitrynmarie@gmail.com
