You want a real-life haunt? Pay Attention to your dreams and where your thoughts go?
I look for a time when I can close my eyes and know all is right with the world, my world... possibly your world. There is no specific time for grief. It all comes down to what feels right again and when you can wake up in the morning without something from the past that does not crawl up into a memory and make you heart wrenching cry. When you have lived years with a situation, a person, hope, and so many plans made for the future. Not all grief comes from a death, although death comes in many forms. Want to create real murder, tell someone you love them and then disappear on them with no trace except for a few text, a few drive-bys, a few pics sent of their new f..ks and an email that exclaims the abuse they know they caused... without any apologies for behavior or any way to take back the years given and wasted with someone who did everything in her power to make their life together work.
You want a real-life haunt? Pay attention to your dreams and where your thoughts go? Pay attention to how quick you are to jump into a new situation and or a relationship and not have the past come flying out of a closet you thought you slammed the door on. Only a person in real pain falls into another situation immediately to block out, try to forget and mask what was there before and or all the actions that took place prior too... (Some people cannot be alone, They cannot face themselves or cannot fathom a life on their own.) Also, some people can not help but cause drama and chaos for not taking the pause and allowing themselves the benefit of reflection, realizing all the grief they caused. It is only the person who is out for themselves seeking a replacement time after time selfishly trying to fix apart of themselves; a hole that sits so deep and so black they suck the life out of anyone new that comes along grasping for someone to fix the empty.
The black abyss that sits created from such grief is so deep it takes years to recover from. The stages of grief are so real and each step takes time. No one is allowed to tell the grieving to get over it and move on... especially when the so-called departed keeps reaching out! Oh yes, death comes to us all in various forms.
I never quite understood how people move on so quickly when knowing exactly the time of death and what was occurring at the time. I am going to take this in one direction for now... explaining a real death.
In 1992 after a short illness my dad passed away at the age of 59, a lifetime smoker and a professional drinker for most of his life. A father of 2 daughters he did not do right by and more than often did what he thought best by some left-handed gesture. I took care of my dad up until he died, I was a daddy's girl. He was my dad no matter what he had ever done in his life. I loved my dad... and watching him literally drown(from liver cancer) the last 3 months of his life was the most horrific scene I could have lived through until 2013(then death came in another form)
The day my dad died, although my sister and I thought for sure the heebe-geebies would come suck his soul from the earth, was the most peaceful of mornings I could have ever experienced. I try so very hard to keep that peace with me. The sun shined in a way I can't even put into words. (and I am a writer) The birds chirped so clear and so sweet, serenading like I have never ever to this day heard again. If there was a presence of God, it was that morning.
After a restless night for my dad, he tossed and turned gasping for breath, trying to escape the confines of his hospital bed, (he was home in his room) losing control of his bladder and crying out my name. there was nothing I could do... not a damn thing! I watched this once larger than life man, now a frail sickly human dying before my eyes. I cried and crumbled on the floor of his bedroom, begging God to make it all stop. Something helped me get up. I could feel something put their arms around me and pull me up off the ground. I stood, pulled the rails up on the bed, said I love you dad, and I went into the living room and laid on the couch. I heard him most of the night... somewhere in the night, I dozed off.
When finally waking, noticing the peace that had descended, I knew he was gone. I knew... I slowly got up and braced myself for the unexpected. I did not know what I would encounter. I never had been up and close to death. I stood in his doorway peeking in, calling his name. I approached his bed seeing if I could find breath, a movement of any kind from his chest. I layed my hand barely on his chest and a burst of bubbles came rushing out of his mouth. His body still warm. I ran to the bathroom and got a warm washcloth and hurried back to clean him up. The more I wiped away the bubbles the more they came... he was gone.
Needing to call the hospice and the funeral home... my mind a mesh of nothing, I dialed, listened to the ring and explain to the nurse what had transpired. I kept saying something like what do I need to do to make this better, get him back... make my life right again. the nurse explained, "Kit he has passed, He is gone and now you need to call time of death. At that moment when I looked at the clock, all I saw was the life that had lived... not what was gone.
After 5 long hours, he laid in his bed, until the funeral home carried him away. I sat there on the edge of my bed, a temp pull out in the front room, wondering now what? Whats left? It was years, and I mean years before I could come to terms with that situation. It took decades to talk about it. Death is a horrible experience when it is so close and personal.
Life did go on some many years later and it took many different turns and paths and finally when I had thought life was about to transpire into what I called the love of my life... the years of fighting to hold a place, find a solid ground, raise children, teach respect, gain unconditional love from all, dealing with emotional and physical abuse, seeking and searching for a happy medium...creating one house somewhere having that happily ever after turned into one big lie. The one situation I had completely put everything I had into... because that is what my heart wanted, disappeared and every part of that life I knew died. The unexpected death, The rug pulled from under my feet and all the women (that he had been with behind my back) that fell out of that closet. It is the unexpected death that shatters existence and changes everything about you. You have to bravely go forward and experience grief of another kind, the amount of anger that comes with that grief is unbearable. Especially when the one who has departed continues to reach out and flaunt a life that has been occurring... There is no place for that kind of grief... because it has been deliberate and intentionally set into motion for the dearly departed's benefit.
Moving on from person-person is and has never been in my DNA. That is not who I am. For anyone who can swiftly shift from one person to another sliding another person into a role they think will fix their situation is a damn fool. A very sad individual with needs that will never be met... because the hole that sits so deep within oneself needs to learn to be accountable for all the deaths (he) caused. There is absolutely no excuse for running off with another woman without ending the relationship he is in first. There is absolutely no excuse for any kind of abuse and or ill-fated words spoke telling lies to cover illicit acts of murder. There is no excuse for placing blame on the person who gave whatever she had to take care of all to try to keep peace and give a family life to those who did not have it. There is no excuse in the world for creating such grief in a person's heart that it has become unbearable not to speak about it any longer. Oh yes, grief comes to us all... and how we each have to deal with it becomes a task. Trying to find a place for such a pain that mostly cannot be put into words. (again I am the writer)
So to send an email, exclaiming such horrific acts of __________, is inexcusable. The coward that sits behind his new life placing blame on someone where no blame is to be placed. If one would have seriously paid attention to the acts of his own and took responsibility for what was really going on... looking for ways to get around it all, instead of being the responsible adult and parent that his children needed... This situation would have been done and buried years ago. Sadly though this situation still lives and until it is completely addressed it will not die... because this person knows exactly the time of death and the grief one caused. They also knew exactly what was going on at the time of their departure and they also know they still have one foot out of a grave!
There is no more to say about this grief... it has affected everybody. It has descended on all of our lives and it will continue to haunt and take over dreams for all the sadness created. You want a real-life haunt? Pay attention to your dreams and where your thoughts go? It is the living that is truly affected!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
You want a real-life haunt? Pay attention to your dreams and where your thoughts go? Pay attention to how quick you are to jump into a new situation and or a relationship and not have the past come flying out of a closet you thought you slammed the door on. Only a person in real pain falls into another situation immediately to block out, try to forget and mask what was there before and or all the actions that took place prior too... (Some people cannot be alone, They cannot face themselves or cannot fathom a life on their own.) Also, some people can not help but cause drama and chaos for not taking the pause and allowing themselves the benefit of reflection, realizing all the grief they caused. It is only the person who is out for themselves seeking a replacement time after time selfishly trying to fix apart of themselves; a hole that sits so deep and so black they suck the life out of anyone new that comes along grasping for someone to fix the empty.
The black abyss that sits created from such grief is so deep it takes years to recover from. The stages of grief are so real and each step takes time. No one is allowed to tell the grieving to get over it and move on... especially when the so-called departed keeps reaching out! Oh yes, death comes to us all in various forms.
I never quite understood how people move on so quickly when knowing exactly the time of death and what was occurring at the time. I am going to take this in one direction for now... explaining a real death.
In 1992 after a short illness my dad passed away at the age of 59, a lifetime smoker and a professional drinker for most of his life. A father of 2 daughters he did not do right by and more than often did what he thought best by some left-handed gesture. I took care of my dad up until he died, I was a daddy's girl. He was my dad no matter what he had ever done in his life. I loved my dad... and watching him literally drown(from liver cancer) the last 3 months of his life was the most horrific scene I could have lived through until 2013(then death came in another form)
The day my dad died, although my sister and I thought for sure the heebe-geebies would come suck his soul from the earth, was the most peaceful of mornings I could have ever experienced. I try so very hard to keep that peace with me. The sun shined in a way I can't even put into words. (and I am a writer) The birds chirped so clear and so sweet, serenading like I have never ever to this day heard again. If there was a presence of God, it was that morning.
After a restless night for my dad, he tossed and turned gasping for breath, trying to escape the confines of his hospital bed, (he was home in his room) losing control of his bladder and crying out my name. there was nothing I could do... not a damn thing! I watched this once larger than life man, now a frail sickly human dying before my eyes. I cried and crumbled on the floor of his bedroom, begging God to make it all stop. Something helped me get up. I could feel something put their arms around me and pull me up off the ground. I stood, pulled the rails up on the bed, said I love you dad, and I went into the living room and laid on the couch. I heard him most of the night... somewhere in the night, I dozed off.
When finally waking, noticing the peace that had descended, I knew he was gone. I knew... I slowly got up and braced myself for the unexpected. I did not know what I would encounter. I never had been up and close to death. I stood in his doorway peeking in, calling his name. I approached his bed seeing if I could find breath, a movement of any kind from his chest. I layed my hand barely on his chest and a burst of bubbles came rushing out of his mouth. His body still warm. I ran to the bathroom and got a warm washcloth and hurried back to clean him up. The more I wiped away the bubbles the more they came... he was gone.
Needing to call the hospice and the funeral home... my mind a mesh of nothing, I dialed, listened to the ring and explain to the nurse what had transpired. I kept saying something like what do I need to do to make this better, get him back... make my life right again. the nurse explained, "Kit he has passed, He is gone and now you need to call time of death. At that moment when I looked at the clock, all I saw was the life that had lived... not what was gone.
After 5 long hours, he laid in his bed, until the funeral home carried him away. I sat there on the edge of my bed, a temp pull out in the front room, wondering now what? Whats left? It was years, and I mean years before I could come to terms with that situation. It took decades to talk about it. Death is a horrible experience when it is so close and personal.
Life did go on some many years later and it took many different turns and paths and finally when I had thought life was about to transpire into what I called the love of my life... the years of fighting to hold a place, find a solid ground, raise children, teach respect, gain unconditional love from all, dealing with emotional and physical abuse, seeking and searching for a happy medium...creating one house somewhere having that happily ever after turned into one big lie. The one situation I had completely put everything I had into... because that is what my heart wanted, disappeared and every part of that life I knew died. The unexpected death, The rug pulled from under my feet and all the women (that he had been with behind my back) that fell out of that closet. It is the unexpected death that shatters existence and changes everything about you. You have to bravely go forward and experience grief of another kind, the amount of anger that comes with that grief is unbearable. Especially when the one who has departed continues to reach out and flaunt a life that has been occurring... There is no place for that kind of grief... because it has been deliberate and intentionally set into motion for the dearly departed's benefit.
Moving on from person-person is and has never been in my DNA. That is not who I am. For anyone who can swiftly shift from one person to another sliding another person into a role they think will fix their situation is a damn fool. A very sad individual with needs that will never be met... because the hole that sits so deep within oneself needs to learn to be accountable for all the deaths (he) caused. There is absolutely no excuse for running off with another woman without ending the relationship he is in first. There is absolutely no excuse for any kind of abuse and or ill-fated words spoke telling lies to cover illicit acts of murder. There is no excuse for placing blame on the person who gave whatever she had to take care of all to try to keep peace and give a family life to those who did not have it. There is no excuse in the world for creating such grief in a person's heart that it has become unbearable not to speak about it any longer. Oh yes, grief comes to us all... and how we each have to deal with it becomes a task. Trying to find a place for such a pain that mostly cannot be put into words. (again I am the writer)
So to send an email, exclaiming such horrific acts of __________, is inexcusable. The coward that sits behind his new life placing blame on someone where no blame is to be placed. If one would have seriously paid attention to the acts of his own and took responsibility for what was really going on... looking for ways to get around it all, instead of being the responsible adult and parent that his children needed... This situation would have been done and buried years ago. Sadly though this situation still lives and until it is completely addressed it will not die... because this person knows exactly the time of death and the grief one caused. They also knew exactly what was going on at the time of their departure and they also know they still have one foot out of a grave!
There is no more to say about this grief... it has affected everybody. It has descended on all of our lives and it will continue to haunt and take over dreams for all the sadness created. You want a real-life haunt? Pay attention to your dreams and where your thoughts go? It is the living that is truly affected!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
