I Just Want to Live In This Moment... NOW!
But yet again I wonder who is reading? Who is combing through my words trying to make sense of where I have been and how it too applies to their lives? Who is reading post by post wondering how far I have moved on and where I am at now?
Hey look I'm still standing... I have walked through that door... and now I am on the other side. Now though I am trying to forget ... and I am living each day in the moment!!!
There is nothing like being with someone for so many years and being alone... Yes, that is how it was. What was his name? I don't know, can't remember... not sure how many hours he was actually present in all those years. Funny everything and everyone else came first... Oh, I'm sorry who am I? ... I thought I was your other half! Someone, please explain this to me?
What is the purpose of having a significant other if they are not willing to participate in the relationship? Isn't that why you get involved in the first place... so you are not alone? ... Having two individuals sharing the same moments. My god, how alone was I? "Where are you? What are you doing? You're with who? When are you coming home? " and that is how the conversations went... I thought I had a significant other... he made his presence be known on occasion for appearance sake only... or when it was convenient for him.. Hmmm, I think I might remember what he looks like??? Maybe I don't... its kinda fuzzy!
What did it teach me? Where do I begin...
It's never easy loving someone else's children but when you are loving your other half beyond immeasurable circumstances... you try to form a bond of something that they have never had... something you can see they all need but something they are never willing to accept. Your position becomes a fraction in thirds...A third parent, a third friend, a third of just trying to be accepted. " Oh, it's you! Why are you here? He/ she is not here! You can leave. You are not my parent and don't try to be!!!! Don't tell me!!" Attitude, anger, mistrust... love where it is not known how to be placed... that is what you get for being that third especially when there is no respect. All children (at any age) need to understand there has to be respect whether they like it or not... blending anything is not easy although when trying to create the moments... some form of happy for everyone to be able at some point to look back on... there has to be a mutual understanding.(On all sides) These are the moments you live for!
Living in and with the moments...
So many ... holidays, birthdays, vacations... years and years. Do you remember when??? You know...When you tried to create that memory???... you were trying to create happy moments. What moment? The moments over... oh that's right. It's forgotten! Kinda cold isn't it?
That was then this is NOW...
Each day living in this moment... I get up. I do what I have to do... and I work. I take care of my child... the best that I can with what I have to work with!!! He is a great kid!!! I am not the same... My emotions exhausted... I will not extend myself to someone who can not put me first... or at least, make the effort to acknowledge I exist and I am a part of his life. Can't tolerate the excuses... and I will NOT have the conversations again... "Where are you? What are you doing? You're with who? When are you coming home? "
There must be accountability for all actions... and there must be respect! Either you're in or you are not! I'm not perfect but I am willing to welcome all that I love into my fold but don't discard me, or put me second, third... Please, do not be sadly mistaken. Been there done all that... that was then and this is... THIS MOMENT!
To whoever, I allow... when the moment is right!
Be present... Be in this moment with me! Yours, mine... ours!!! Don't dangle your miss thwarted efforts if you can not be in the now. That is what being a couple is... having these moments... little and big ... large and small... all the moments together!
I Just Want to Live In This Moment... NOW!
This is the thing about being older, getting older... "the future" time gets away. The chance is to live in the now ... in this space and in this time and in this moment! With someone you want to be with...
If I am to be alone than alone I will be... but I refuse to be alone with someone!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
Hey look I'm still standing... I have walked through that door... and now I am on the other side. Now though I am trying to forget ... and I am living each day in the moment!!!
There is nothing like being with someone for so many years and being alone... Yes, that is how it was. What was his name? I don't know, can't remember... not sure how many hours he was actually present in all those years. Funny everything and everyone else came first... Oh, I'm sorry who am I? ... I thought I was your other half! Someone, please explain this to me?
What is the purpose of having a significant other if they are not willing to participate in the relationship? Isn't that why you get involved in the first place... so you are not alone? ... Having two individuals sharing the same moments. My god, how alone was I? "Where are you? What are you doing? You're with who? When are you coming home? " and that is how the conversations went... I thought I had a significant other... he made his presence be known on occasion for appearance sake only... or when it was convenient for him.. Hmmm, I think I might remember what he looks like??? Maybe I don't... its kinda fuzzy!
What did it teach me? Where do I begin...
It's never easy loving someone else's children but when you are loving your other half beyond immeasurable circumstances... you try to form a bond of something that they have never had... something you can see they all need but something they are never willing to accept. Your position becomes a fraction in thirds...A third parent, a third friend, a third of just trying to be accepted. " Oh, it's you! Why are you here? He/ she is not here! You can leave. You are not my parent and don't try to be!!!! Don't tell me!!" Attitude, anger, mistrust... love where it is not known how to be placed... that is what you get for being that third especially when there is no respect. All children (at any age) need to understand there has to be respect whether they like it or not... blending anything is not easy although when trying to create the moments... some form of happy for everyone to be able at some point to look back on... there has to be a mutual understanding.(On all sides) These are the moments you live for!
Living in and with the moments...
So many ... holidays, birthdays, vacations... years and years. Do you remember when??? You know...When you tried to create that memory???... you were trying to create happy moments. What moment? The moments over... oh that's right. It's forgotten! Kinda cold isn't it?
That was then this is NOW...
Each day living in this moment... I get up. I do what I have to do... and I work. I take care of my child... the best that I can with what I have to work with!!! He is a great kid!!! I am not the same... My emotions exhausted... I will not extend myself to someone who can not put me first... or at least, make the effort to acknowledge I exist and I am a part of his life. Can't tolerate the excuses... and I will NOT have the conversations again... "Where are you? What are you doing? You're with who? When are you coming home? "
There must be accountability for all actions... and there must be respect! Either you're in or you are not! I'm not perfect but I am willing to welcome all that I love into my fold but don't discard me, or put me second, third... Please, do not be sadly mistaken. Been there done all that... that was then and this is... THIS MOMENT!
To whoever, I allow... when the moment is right!
Be present... Be in this moment with me! Yours, mine... ours!!! Don't dangle your miss thwarted efforts if you can not be in the now. That is what being a couple is... having these moments... little and big ... large and small... all the moments together!
I Just Want to Live In This Moment... NOW!
This is the thing about being older, getting older... "the future" time gets away. The chance is to live in the now ... in this space and in this time and in this moment! With someone you want to be with...
If I am to be alone than alone I will be... but I refuse to be alone with someone!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
