You Were Free Of That Choice... Where Did It Get You?

 While it's in my head, I need to get it out. Type the thought and let the emotion flow. How it resonates or connects with you depends on where you are right now. Despite the handful of critics who still would like to debate my Life Coaching training, let me just throw out there—you chose this. You did this, and at whatever time "the circumstance" occurred in that fleeting moment, you made that decision. And I am guessing right now, you are questioning every choice or rash behavior you took a stance on to prove something. That something, that now has you pondering, "What in the world was I thinking?"

Levels of disrespect come with behavior that has no accountability behind the action. I imagine the level of upset comes with the anger you feel towards someone's reaction  over how they handled the situation that presented the level of disrespect. 

Simple Ex: A person expects you for dinner. You are tired, burnt out, probably mad at the world for who knows what reason, and because you did not feel like showing up, it was to be expected that the behavior of "no show" would be ok. Especially when you know that person went out of their way to make that meal special. That happens more than most realize.

People who can not resolve their avoidant and detachment issues shut down and become dismissive, allowing their behavior to speak louder than the conversation that should have taken place... #opendialogue #honesty

*People who are trying to prove something, making a statement... "I will show you" {this one cracks me up} I will give 2 examples: 

• The guy who beat his previous girlfriend up. She went around telling everyone what happened, and then she fled. To make him feel good about himself, he goes and gets hooked up with someone who believes him to be the hero in her story. (It is the victim/hero dynamic.) This guy is trying to redeem himself and proving to whoever wants to believe in his act. Although he feels so bad about his behavior, in general, he needs to prove to himself that someone else wants him. That he is not the monster that's been said. Then, once that (false) security is there with someone new, without fail, they marry without understanding the repercussions of "I'll show you"

• 2nd, the guy who comes to pick up some stuff at his girlfriend's house. He knows she is furious. They had been arguing for 2 weeks. No shows, avoidant, dismissive... DETACHED. He finds it has been more therapeutic, self-medicating, and hiding in some out-of-the-way area so he would not have to be accountable for the level of disrespect he displayed. Coming to pick up his belongings, she leaves them on the porch out of convenience. His~ I'll show you move is~ brings back whatever items he has in his vehicle and leaves them on her porch... 2 hours after the original pick-up. The no-call, no-show, and no-conversation leads to complete silence and an abrupt ending without a resolution for his behavior to begin with. This person can not articulate because he has no understanding of why he "works" like this to begin with. It is part of his coping mechanism. Sadly, he feels others are just supposed to tolerate it and accept the bad behavior.}

Or those who feel so superior over someone else's misfortune, they take it upon themselves to play god because they have never been in that type of predicament. They have the mentality of "well, my life works like this," so therefore yours should too. Now, of course, this person has no one else to be responsible for other than self, and their material living conditions, which they have built their life on, were at the hands of someone else's demise. 

Recently, I heard this meme on TikTok, "If you wonder why I am so far away... It's only because you have pushed me that far!"

Honestly, the behavior I now see is a control issue, other than a personality disorder or a personality flaw. It is a lack of accountability for behavior that is not acceptable and is highly manipulative. "If I can't have my way, then therefore, I will make you suffer or at the least make you feel bad for your reaction." Its narsicctic behavior. Cast blame onto others who have reacted to the verbal and maladaptive abuse displayed.

A classic trait, "Don't tell people how I treated you so badly. How dare you let anyone know of my behavior or how it affected you?" Then these types are furious at the way the person responds/reacts to their levels of disrespect.  I see this all the time!

Yet my all-time favorite is, "But I did this for you." I helped you, I gave you so on and so forth. If it wasn't for me... You wouldn't have. This is, in fact, Psych 101, the most selfish, narc lash out because that person is looking for praise for doing a good deed, looking for that adoration/attention because they feel superior to someone else's misfortune, and because of the "deed" offered, expect a reciprocal effect. You don't reward bad behavior!

Let your own conscious be your guide and your motive. Look at behavior, your own! When so many people are just miserable with themselves, wondering why they can't be happy, (who they pushed away) why they can't find that place...let me just throw out there—you chose this. You did this, and at whatever time "the circumstance" occurred in that fleeting moment, you made that decision.

And now you are living with the consequences of your actions!

Kitryn Marie

#Lifecoach #booktheclass #enrichmentartclasses #communicationart