Everything is Temporary

 I think we all can agree that winter is a difficult season to navigate. Right now, here in St. Louis, Missouri, it is maybe 16*. It is cold and needless to say, snow is still covering the grass from last week's snowpocalypse! Streets are icy and the frost has consumed... all! As I usually state verbally, "Cold is just a season, do not let it take over you and your life". It is hard not to let it. I can only imagine the many who are couch-bound, lifeless, in dismay, and somewhat frustrated at where they are in life and or the situations they have gotten themselves into. It is not fun to be somewhere you don't want to exist in! Choices my friend. Choices this is what you have allowed. What you allow... continues!

I sit in my mismatched leopard print this morning planning my day. I work my outside gig later today. Warmth is all I can think about. Needing to go to Walmart yesterday was a bust! This body does not fare well in 6* temps. This year more than last I hurt in a degree I can not explain. I tell myself... temporary. Warmer weather will arrive but in the meantime, keep moving. A body in motion stays in motion. I do not do the couch and if I do it is because the vagus nerve needs to be reset as I scroll through social media! (The Vegas nerve carries signals between the heart, brain, and digestive system. It is part of your parasympathetic nervous system. It is located at the brain stem at your spinal cord) 

Last year was difficult and I am determined this year will be of another nature. I continue to press on searching for a vehicle. Terms and conditions are not conducive to the entrepreneur. In 2006, I bought not only a house but a car (in the same month) making an income of a little over $15,000.00 yearly. While my income has surpassed that with a decent credit score, lenders want almost everything up front with automatic withdrawals of payment. That is a big NO for me! The inconsistency of my pay and which way I earn through an outside job, it is never the same. Unconventional is a balancing act through frugal forethought on balancing budgets. I am a need-based shopper. Although in the last 6 years, I heard myself say too many times, "I need this". That is a product of the bare minimum and learning to just go without. It also is the product of understanding, a person does not need the latest, greatest and the best. A person learns to make due with what they have until circumstances change! {which they are}

My friend yesterday sent me this meme "This is just a phase and it will pass... " I appreciated the sentiment and her gesture but I look at every situation like it's temporary. Nothing lasts nor does it stay the same. Unless you continue to choose the same and repeat vicious cycles of doing the same thing. My response to her was, " I am more determined now than ever. Giving up is not in my DNA. I don't get depression and I do not linger in grief. I also don't do codependency or dwell in what used to be. It is what it is until it isn't" It also helps I can detach from people places and things that do not serve me or don't align with my values! 

Grief in its various forms, is this really weird place people like to stay in. The emotional sadness that some can not let go of. Too, if a person has lost over and over a series of many deaths or losses, it triggers the hippocampus to store all that emotional baggage. It harbors enough emotion and its memory keeps people stuck ruminating on what isn't. { Those close to me will have heard me say, "you don't live that life anymore. It doesn't exist so why does it keep you there."} Do not misunderstand my words. Sadness and loss affect us all and healthily, through time it passes and memories do linger but oftentimes time in that association there is shame and guilt. That is the part most can't express, acknowledge, or let go of! It is, the what could I have done differently, to maybe help or prolong... or with the shock of any kind of loss, it is the mind trying to reason with the why? tragedy? or the unseen happenstance that occurred. Again the hippocampus stores all of it and holds tight! This is also why so many people become dependent on antidepressants. Instead of coming to terms with self, their hand in the situation, and its losses, they choose to mask any feelings so they do not have to do the work to move forward! Also, I might mention these types throw themselves into other fanatic and obsessive behaviors so they feel they have a sense of control... and a purpose! These types also who can not get a grip on their own life, loss or tragedies when in anger or defensive mode will try to bring up all of your losses to make themselves feel they have a sense of control and power over any of your grieving mishaps. The psychological damage done in their life makes it hard for them to understand...you don't live there anymore. It doesn't exist... it plays no part or role so why bring it up, discuss or ruminate.

I learned quite a bit when I was studying and learning about life coaching and how the human brain works. It helped too I have taken anatomy and physiology twice in my life (1981 and 1996)!!!! Human conditioning and how any of us choose to navigate through life depends on how aware we are of our own behaviors and actions toward how we function to move through the things that happen in our lives. Everything is a phase a stage and a season. If there is no progress in thought, movement and letting go of what wasn't working people create the same scenarios getting the same result. Ex: people who have relationship after relationship resulting in marriage because they can not be alone. They like the idea of coupling up but they do not understand the consequence of that choice because they are idealizing a concept that hasn't worked before and they do not want to veer from selfish behaviors. This results in codependency allowing the pressures of "be my everything because I need someone to validate my existence" It is the garnering of attention and needing adoration so one can feel centered. This selfish behavior drains the life out of people. A person can not be the soul/sole existence to one's reasoning for being!

So as I sit here, cold, drinking my second pot of coffee, I see the sun has come out to tease me! This is where yesterday my attempt to run to Walmart came with a "fool You" response! Have I mentioned I am a warm-weather girl! I don't do cold of any kind and as my words come off sometimes frigid and or bitterly truthful, it is meant with the warmest of sentiment. I really take pride in my approach to life and how I choose to keep navigating through it for more and better! I also take this approach when teaching any of my enrichment classes!

Remember fate turns on a dime... You decide what side of the coin you want to be on! Flip it and get moving. There is progress waiting to happen as you get out of this season! It is all temporary!

Kitryn Marie