Love Is To Be Defined By...
I am hoping that this day of Feb 15th finds you heart healthy. With the hype of Valentine's day now over; some suffering from the disappointment of not getting... and for others, the realization that roses are overpriced! Valentine's day is truly commercialized for the sake of COMMERCE & THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR. Hallmark seemingly makes sure they are the one to capitalize on this day made for Love; right there with that Jewelry store ad!
I don't like to talk too much on the subject of love. Love is one of those interpretations that each develops by a bi-product of environment [what we see and learn], peer pressure, what movies and novels are made from... and through trial and error from each relationship we endure, we know what Love isn't. My dad the king of aphorisms once said in the height of my miserable marriage, " well at least he doesn't drink or he doesn't beat you." As if that was the consolation to the relationship. ( My dad seemed to overlook, Don't worry about the fact he (my then-husband) couldn't hold a job or provide for his family) Young, youthful, full of grand ideas and really not knowing... I learned very quickly what love needed to be!
I'm about to embark with a new client. A young single mom who has had to face some cultural differences in the arena of love. I can only speak from my experiences and teach from a broader realization that is not based on fantasy. There is though this euphoric idealization of what love should feel like. I know through my heartfelt experiences, I can tell you what love does not feel like. I have said over and over and over, there needs to be a chemistry of mental stimulation; things that keep the relationship interesting. There also has to be a separate identity that keeps your partner intrigued, therefore, having real topics of interest for true conversation. Real, raw and true conversation leads to passionate intimacy... no matter the age. Sexual chemistry is all great in the beginning but it fades with time and routine. Open dialect stimulates the mind where real connections start first in the brain. (the frontal lobe; The frontal lobe is the part of the brain that controls important cognitive skills in humans, such as emotional expression, problem solving, memory, language, judgment, and sexual behaviors. It is, in essence, the “control panel” of our personality and our ability to communicate.)
Without that stimulation and a compatible desire to grow as we each change{and people change}, let me add this real quick, people in love relationships need to keep evolving forming to a higher vibration {deeper resolves} things that will keep you connected on a more awakened channel allowing you to still connect on other levels as the relationship goes through different stages. If sex is the only thing that has brought you together with someone, that first initial chemistry reaction will fade because there is nothing of any other value-added to the relationship. On the other hand, if the relationship is formed on the habit of being together in a mutual (like a work environment or bar) atmosphere closeness by proxy and stimulation of that environment only, anything outside of that mutual activity... runs its course because there is no other commonality outside of that environment. Hence: work wife/husband... bar pal/sexual partner. And if there is no chemistry at the beginning with the likes of no physical attraction, the odds of that relationship will stay stagnant and in the friend zone only. There is a small minute odds 36% where friendship turns into love. I will add too, once boredom sets in and routine has become the norm if there is not some stimulation of the mind... you will end up with nothing or trouble.
I like to start my students/clients out with small writing assignments. If they want to share them with me when finished they can but it is not necessary. This writing prompt is for their benefit making them be aware of choices and how they choose. A girl knows at the age of 11 or 12 what type of man they are attracted too. They have been influenced enough by... to form an opinion on a type. A boy's type is based on sexual peakedness... there really is no real type til about the age of 22 and even if that they still allow that small brain (in their pants) to influence choices.
I tell this story about my Aunt Phylis a child of the 60's, she was barely 16yrs older than me. She was my biggest influence. She took me everywhere with her and even on her dates. First hand at a very young age, I watched her in full action. She oozed sex appeal, had a personality that I have yet to meet anyone that matches hers and she was extremely well kept, well-spoken and quite the influencer. If I was to learn anything about boys and a type... the lessons came from her. Now mind you in her time, there was James Darren, James Dean, Frankie Avalon and Ricky Nelson etc etc... watching all of those teen beach movies my ideas about boys and what I was attracted to started at the age of 9, it had to do with a look. Enthralled by all the Gidget movies. My first biggest crush... James Darren aka moon doggie. A type was born... but I evolved into other types as my ages developed not only by looks but by physical chemistry...what I was drawn to by personality.
A girl also inherently will subconsciously be drawn to types she is familiar with... her father being the first huge influence. Now my dad, larger than life, life of the party, lacking parental and communication skills but an avid outdoors type and a hard worker with a work ethic almost inhuman at times, that dressed to the nines, drove fancy cars and had the bluest of eyes often compared to Paul Newman...but my sister I say he more resembled Johnny Carson or Dick Van Dyke. All I can say is; as I have gotten older I prefer men (looks-wise) to have light eyes and fairer complected with lighter hair color. {The Kevin Costner type}
I could go into a whole other divinity of personality attractions but this writing isn't about me...
I tell my students/clients after they have written their prompts on age 9, 12, 16, 22...27... 32 etc... Now to find the commonality of all ages. The who and the why to their what and search now for their 5 core words. Ex: Family, home, faith, food, adventure, travel, pets, home, work, hobbies etc... etc... that mean the most to them. (if you need to know what mine is Home, Family, Food, Travel, Work...Pets and if a 7th it would be love!) If a person does not recognize their core words first, they will never be able to attract into their lives who and what they need for the right reasons! Once their core words are recognized and they can define what they actually mean to them then they can start to envision what those core words look like! From there we create a VISION BOARD. We find the images and often quotes or wording that matches the core words and start to put them in some order on a blank poster board. A person who can clearly see their life in their head will create the life they want. It is not magic... it is QUANTUM PHYSICS. Then once they can envision this life they can seek the partner that wants and DESIRES THE SAME OUTCOME!
I tell you it is a process that a person first has to understand, there is real work involved in embarking on this endeavor. It's not a one-shot deal... it's a lengthy process of discovery and a deep dive! which most are not willing to do because of time at hand and society has told everyone... live superficially. Look for the instant gratification and go thru the motions with no real connection... just be doing for the sake of... "hey everyone else is doing it too so I do not have to be alone" And from my point of view there are worse things in this life than being alone. If you do not like who you are and you have not awakened to your truths; no one and I mean no one, is going to want to put up with you!
Beyond morning breath and flatulence and other unsightly unromantic bodily functions, people need to understand things seriously turn them off... we all know what does NOT turn us on and those things very easy to decipher...knowing what we don't appreciate and don't want done in front of us. There is a common courtesy involved... and whomever we bring into our lives need to understand along with our visions and dreams and the way we see our life... manners and a proper place to excuse the actions is needed. First hand I will tell you it is the biggest turn off in the world for a guy to get out of bed, fart his way into the bathroom and then come back expecting sex. Or for a woman to be slurping beer and burp like she is a truck driver and then asks for a kiss! Just yuk gross!
Love is to be defined by what feels right through connections that have and hold a value with another that shares the same views. THE SAME VISIONS
Love does not lay hands of anger on your partner. Love does not cheat and makes your partner feel so unworthy and unwanted. Love does not hold things over someone's head in order to have a sense of power and control. Love does not manipulate, berate, gaslight, confuse, lie and pit people against you for the sake of... Love also does not isolate you from your friends and family!
Love allows growth for each individual being able to express who they are. Developing personal skills that each need to use to be a better human being so they are complimenting and adding value to who they are with so that relationship can grow through the ages. It is so very important that the visions stay in focus and no one veers from the BIG PICTURE.
I too, want to add, for all of my women readers getting involved with men who have kids. If they have children and they have not been dutiful, responsible and present in their own children's lives spending more time in bars, clubs, ball fields etc etc... (work obligations or the military a completely different scenario) and you have a child that needs a father figure... please look at the situation for what it is. If he could not be there for his own kids... he is not going to be there for yours! No romantic idyllic notion is going to make that happen.
If you are a woman who has put your own kids on a back burner passing them off to their other parent so you can have a good time with Mr. Wonderful who also has kids that he has put on a back burner more than one time... please understand the toxicity of this dynamic. Your child will eventually become a burden. The running of back and forth and the interference of his (Mr. Wonderfuls) schedule will dampen the relationship and the selfish needs of... will distinguish the promises ... that are now empty!
People who come together on false narratives have no vision in mind... they go off verbal promises and words that have no pictures to match and an attraction that fades to severe boredom.
If you would like to learn more about my classes and how you too can put together a VISION BOARD please visit https://kitryn-marie.weebly.com so you can book your private or group class.
I still am taking emails @15.00 a question up to 4 questions per email kitrynmarie@gmail.com You must pay thru paypal.com/kitrynmarie first! Leave all your contact info then email me the questions.
I truly hope your heart is healthy... and happy and your core words match all of your visions so you are able to live the life that is meant for your higher good! with the most purpose-filled intentions!
Be Happy, Be Healthy
Kitryn Marie
#writer #speaker #lifecoach #personalmentor #educator
I don't like to talk too much on the subject of love. Love is one of those interpretations that each develops by a bi-product of environment [what we see and learn], peer pressure, what movies and novels are made from... and through trial and error from each relationship we endure, we know what Love isn't. My dad the king of aphorisms once said in the height of my miserable marriage, " well at least he doesn't drink or he doesn't beat you." As if that was the consolation to the relationship. ( My dad seemed to overlook, Don't worry about the fact he (my then-husband) couldn't hold a job or provide for his family) Young, youthful, full of grand ideas and really not knowing... I learned very quickly what love needed to be!
I'm about to embark with a new client. A young single mom who has had to face some cultural differences in the arena of love. I can only speak from my experiences and teach from a broader realization that is not based on fantasy. There is though this euphoric idealization of what love should feel like. I know through my heartfelt experiences, I can tell you what love does not feel like. I have said over and over and over, there needs to be a chemistry of mental stimulation; things that keep the relationship interesting. There also has to be a separate identity that keeps your partner intrigued, therefore, having real topics of interest for true conversation. Real, raw and true conversation leads to passionate intimacy... no matter the age. Sexual chemistry is all great in the beginning but it fades with time and routine. Open dialect stimulates the mind where real connections start first in the brain. (the frontal lobe; The frontal lobe is the part of the brain that controls important cognitive skills in humans, such as emotional expression, problem solving, memory, language, judgment, and sexual behaviors. It is, in essence, the “control panel” of our personality and our ability to communicate.)
Without that stimulation and a compatible desire to grow as we each change{and people change}, let me add this real quick, people in love relationships need to keep evolving forming to a higher vibration {deeper resolves} things that will keep you connected on a more awakened channel allowing you to still connect on other levels as the relationship goes through different stages. If sex is the only thing that has brought you together with someone, that first initial chemistry reaction will fade because there is nothing of any other value-added to the relationship. On the other hand, if the relationship is formed on the habit of being together in a mutual (like a work environment or bar) atmosphere closeness by proxy and stimulation of that environment only, anything outside of that mutual activity... runs its course because there is no other commonality outside of that environment. Hence: work wife/husband... bar pal/sexual partner. And if there is no chemistry at the beginning with the likes of no physical attraction, the odds of that relationship will stay stagnant and in the friend zone only. There is a small minute odds 36% where friendship turns into love. I will add too, once boredom sets in and routine has become the norm if there is not some stimulation of the mind... you will end up with nothing or trouble.
I like to start my students/clients out with small writing assignments. If they want to share them with me when finished they can but it is not necessary. This writing prompt is for their benefit making them be aware of choices and how they choose. A girl knows at the age of 11 or 12 what type of man they are attracted too. They have been influenced enough by... to form an opinion on a type. A boy's type is based on sexual peakedness... there really is no real type til about the age of 22 and even if that they still allow that small brain (in their pants) to influence choices.
I tell this story about my Aunt Phylis a child of the 60's, she was barely 16yrs older than me. She was my biggest influence. She took me everywhere with her and even on her dates. First hand at a very young age, I watched her in full action. She oozed sex appeal, had a personality that I have yet to meet anyone that matches hers and she was extremely well kept, well-spoken and quite the influencer. If I was to learn anything about boys and a type... the lessons came from her. Now mind you in her time, there was James Darren, James Dean, Frankie Avalon and Ricky Nelson etc etc... watching all of those teen beach movies my ideas about boys and what I was attracted to started at the age of 9, it had to do with a look. Enthralled by all the Gidget movies. My first biggest crush... James Darren aka moon doggie. A type was born... but I evolved into other types as my ages developed not only by looks but by physical chemistry...what I was drawn to by personality.
A girl also inherently will subconsciously be drawn to types she is familiar with... her father being the first huge influence. Now my dad, larger than life, life of the party, lacking parental and communication skills but an avid outdoors type and a hard worker with a work ethic almost inhuman at times, that dressed to the nines, drove fancy cars and had the bluest of eyes often compared to Paul Newman...but my sister I say he more resembled Johnny Carson or Dick Van Dyke. All I can say is; as I have gotten older I prefer men (looks-wise) to have light eyes and fairer complected with lighter hair color. {The Kevin Costner type}
I could go into a whole other divinity of personality attractions but this writing isn't about me...
I tell my students/clients after they have written their prompts on age 9, 12, 16, 22...27... 32 etc... Now to find the commonality of all ages. The who and the why to their what and search now for their 5 core words. Ex: Family, home, faith, food, adventure, travel, pets, home, work, hobbies etc... etc... that mean the most to them. (if you need to know what mine is Home, Family, Food, Travel, Work...Pets and if a 7th it would be love!) If a person does not recognize their core words first, they will never be able to attract into their lives who and what they need for the right reasons! Once their core words are recognized and they can define what they actually mean to them then they can start to envision what those core words look like! From there we create a VISION BOARD. We find the images and often quotes or wording that matches the core words and start to put them in some order on a blank poster board. A person who can clearly see their life in their head will create the life they want. It is not magic... it is QUANTUM PHYSICS. Then once they can envision this life they can seek the partner that wants and DESIRES THE SAME OUTCOME!
I tell you it is a process that a person first has to understand, there is real work involved in embarking on this endeavor. It's not a one-shot deal... it's a lengthy process of discovery and a deep dive! which most are not willing to do because of time at hand and society has told everyone... live superficially. Look for the instant gratification and go thru the motions with no real connection... just be doing for the sake of... "hey everyone else is doing it too so I do not have to be alone" And from my point of view there are worse things in this life than being alone. If you do not like who you are and you have not awakened to your truths; no one and I mean no one, is going to want to put up with you!
Beyond morning breath and flatulence and other unsightly unromantic bodily functions, people need to understand things seriously turn them off... we all know what does NOT turn us on and those things very easy to decipher...knowing what we don't appreciate and don't want done in front of us. There is a common courtesy involved... and whomever we bring into our lives need to understand along with our visions and dreams and the way we see our life... manners and a proper place to excuse the actions is needed. First hand I will tell you it is the biggest turn off in the world for a guy to get out of bed, fart his way into the bathroom and then come back expecting sex. Or for a woman to be slurping beer and burp like she is a truck driver and then asks for a kiss! Just yuk gross!
Love is to be defined by what feels right through connections that have and hold a value with another that shares the same views. THE SAME VISIONS
Love does not lay hands of anger on your partner. Love does not cheat and makes your partner feel so unworthy and unwanted. Love does not hold things over someone's head in order to have a sense of power and control. Love does not manipulate, berate, gaslight, confuse, lie and pit people against you for the sake of... Love also does not isolate you from your friends and family!
Love allows growth for each individual being able to express who they are. Developing personal skills that each need to use to be a better human being so they are complimenting and adding value to who they are with so that relationship can grow through the ages. It is so very important that the visions stay in focus and no one veers from the BIG PICTURE.
I too, want to add, for all of my women readers getting involved with men who have kids. If they have children and they have not been dutiful, responsible and present in their own children's lives spending more time in bars, clubs, ball fields etc etc... (work obligations or the military a completely different scenario) and you have a child that needs a father figure... please look at the situation for what it is. If he could not be there for his own kids... he is not going to be there for yours! No romantic idyllic notion is going to make that happen.
If you are a woman who has put your own kids on a back burner passing them off to their other parent so you can have a good time with Mr. Wonderful who also has kids that he has put on a back burner more than one time... please understand the toxicity of this dynamic. Your child will eventually become a burden. The running of back and forth and the interference of his (Mr. Wonderfuls) schedule will dampen the relationship and the selfish needs of... will distinguish the promises ... that are now empty!
People who come together on false narratives have no vision in mind... they go off verbal promises and words that have no pictures to match and an attraction that fades to severe boredom.
If you would like to learn more about my classes and how you too can put together a VISION BOARD please visit https://kitryn-marie.weebly.com so you can book your private or group class.
I still am taking emails @15.00 a question up to 4 questions per email kitrynmarie@gmail.com You must pay thru paypal.com/kitrynmarie first! Leave all your contact info then email me the questions.
I truly hope your heart is healthy... and happy and your core words match all of your visions so you are able to live the life that is meant for your higher good! with the most purpose-filled intentions!
Be Happy, Be Healthy
Kitryn Marie
#writer #speaker #lifecoach #personalmentor #educator
