Let He, That Shall Be Without Sin Cast The First Stone.
"Let he, that shall be without sin cast the first stone." I have been wanting to write this post for some time. Addressing, Those that refuse to look at their own toxicity, shortcomings, failings or faults. It is so easy for most of us to sit back and nitpick others but personally, most will refuse to recognize yet alone admit... where the toxicity within lies. We become so copasetic in our own lives a little self-righteous or even self-indulgent that we have a tendency to overlook what things we have brought to the table ( I hate that term) that we just expect others to accept for the sake of... Often rendering down a conversation that ends in this statement "WELL, YOU KNEW THIS ABOUT ME WHEN YOU MET ME... so deal with it.' It is a pretty lame excuse considering the harmful repeated actions that a person may have had to endure during a course.
TOXICITY: THE HARMFUL EFFECTS USED OVER AN EXTENDED AMOUNT OF TIME, UPON REPEATED OR CONTINUOUS EXPOSURE THAT A PERSON ENDURES AND IMPOSES ON ANOTHER... CAUSING AN UNHEALTHY SITUATION. OFTEN RESULTING IN SOME TYPE OF SICKNESS OR PHYSICAL AILMENTS DUE TO THE STRESS OF...
I recently had lunch with an old friend. She actually was my very first customer that I did a custom painting for. She and I have been good acquaintances for quite some time speaking on occasion to just stay in touch. It just so happens we both are at a crossroads in our lives both journey-ing in uncharted territories and we each felt... that catching up in person was high time and way overdue.
As I grabbed my camera, she and I headed out on some back Illinois roads ( so I could get some random roadside photos) just chatting as if we just left off last week. Truly that is friendship when you can pick up and not miss a beat in the conversation. As I was catching her up over my last 10 years, inching out some pretty deep information she listened intently. She too talked of occurrences and happenings and the flabbergasting details of a complicated divorce. In between some harsh truths (we each talked), there were some huge belly laughs. The conversation flowed as the roadside curved in some areas I had never been to. Thankful for having this human, a non-judging, female companion, that I was able to share real girl talk with. After getting lost on some road I randomly turned off... she laughed and said: "what the hell, we are on an adventure!" No motto ever rang so true!
Once finding a main road and being thankful for a full tank of gas, we pulled into a Mexican restaurant for a quick bite and a margarita! As we talked the perils of dating and what each truly was needing at this time in life, comparing notes, I asked her," but do you recognize your own toxicity?" She looked perplexed and replied, "I never even thought of that." I continued with some random facts that I had learned studying on, in a Sociology class. I have been trying to understand using real life, my own real-life toxicity that I carry with me mostly out of a protection mechanism that I am almost certain I bring to the table in any of my relationships.
Some people take being overly protective of self to be selfish. As I have stated in another blog post there is a virtue in being selfish. Although a person on the other side of this may see it as cold for me not wanting to share what I have whether it be financially, intimately or materialistically. The toxicity of it, to them, is seeing rather that I am lacking in another's considerations or overly self-concerned with a personal objective; making it appear to them that I am self-centered. There is no toxicity in my wanting to ensure I am not being taken advantage of or used... solely for another's profit or gain. Especially if it is going to exhaust and deplete me emotionally or mentally!
Harshly critical or overtly opinionated comes from being in an 8 year situation and or growing up with many where we were not allowed to have a voice and made to keep quiet for the comfort of others. I now refuse to stay quiet. I am quick-tongued and curt to the crucial point of telling facts or stating how I feel oftentimes by not realizing or taking into thought for someone else's feelings. I am not one to candy coat anything and if you do not want to know how I really think or feel please don't ask because you most likely will not like what I have to say. The toxicity to another will come off like I am indignant and arrogant. Which really is not the case.
Rigidness being stuck in a way where there is no room for change or anything else. My favorite motto, "there is no room at the inn." I do not want anyone in my space. I worked very hard to develop this strategy for living minimally and being happy at achieving what I can based on a budget that I earn; so I can stretch to no end so that I am surviving peacefully. Although rigidness may come off as closed off... that is not the case. I had to learn some really harsh boundaries for what I would no longer tolerate in my life. There is no room for disrespect, ignorance, abuse, laziness, no imagination and woe is my life. It is soul-sucking draining... so my closed off-ness and roadblocks is my boundary setting. If I don't allow it in my life... there is no need for it! So, therefore, I am rigid to the core!
Boring... this is where I want to laugh out loud, I truly like my quiet. I no longer have the need for any Toxic huge noisy environments where obtrusive people think they are being funny (the same story told over and over and over), alcohol flows freely at a stupid rate or where gluttony overrides any health concerns. I am an introvert which is seen as being a hermit, closed off recluse towards human interactions when the world at large insists on being involved with groups. Because of my coaching work, teaching, speaking and even my little gig that I have... I get enough of the public and then choose to close my self off because the noisy antics of ... are draining and not conducive to my mental health. My idea of fun has nothing to do with any toxic environment. Within that same statement, the toxicity is with someone else's expectancy that I am to be their sole entertainment and or source of fun. If a person can not find things to do on their own and be happy with doing things on their own... RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG. Breeding grounds for codependency! Which is the biggest TOXIC situation brought into any dynamic!
It truly takes a lot for a person to realize what Toxicity they bring into any relationship or situation but Hey, if you want to be a drunk belonging to a club putting your family obligations on a back-burner because you need to be the life of the party and you need to feel that centered attention is going to truly make you a better individual, giving your time to an organization that centers itself around drama crisis and chaos... for be it from be to say any different!
It takes a deep dive into one's own psyche' to realize the toxic traits they carry forward... We each not only have our own likes, idiosyncrasies, faults but we each have a toxicity that we, unfortunately, accompanies us.
If you would like to learn more about toxicity and idiosyncrasies (mode of behavior) I'd love to have you in one of my coaching classes for CREATIVE-MINDED WOMEN. My group or private class is only open to women. All inquiries kitrynmarie@gmail.com You are welcome to visit https://kitryn-marie.weebly.com to learn more.
If you are wanting to learn how to start your own side hustle and create the life truly meant for your highest good... book your classes today. Purchase 5 classes @ 90.00 ea and receive the 6th one for free. There is a variety of topics we address that we will assess when we first talk!
Be Happy Be Blessed
Kitryn Marie
#bizcoach #personalmentor
TOXICITY: THE HARMFUL EFFECTS USED OVER AN EXTENDED AMOUNT OF TIME, UPON REPEATED OR CONTINUOUS EXPOSURE THAT A PERSON ENDURES AND IMPOSES ON ANOTHER... CAUSING AN UNHEALTHY SITUATION. OFTEN RESULTING IN SOME TYPE OF SICKNESS OR PHYSICAL AILMENTS DUE TO THE STRESS OF...
I recently had lunch with an old friend. She actually was my very first customer that I did a custom painting for. She and I have been good acquaintances for quite some time speaking on occasion to just stay in touch. It just so happens we both are at a crossroads in our lives both journey-ing in uncharted territories and we each felt... that catching up in person was high time and way overdue.
As I grabbed my camera, she and I headed out on some back Illinois roads ( so I could get some random roadside photos) just chatting as if we just left off last week. Truly that is friendship when you can pick up and not miss a beat in the conversation. As I was catching her up over my last 10 years, inching out some pretty deep information she listened intently. She too talked of occurrences and happenings and the flabbergasting details of a complicated divorce. In between some harsh truths (we each talked), there were some huge belly laughs. The conversation flowed as the roadside curved in some areas I had never been to. Thankful for having this human, a non-judging, female companion, that I was able to share real girl talk with. After getting lost on some road I randomly turned off... she laughed and said: "what the hell, we are on an adventure!" No motto ever rang so true!
Once finding a main road and being thankful for a full tank of gas, we pulled into a Mexican restaurant for a quick bite and a margarita! As we talked the perils of dating and what each truly was needing at this time in life, comparing notes, I asked her," but do you recognize your own toxicity?" She looked perplexed and replied, "I never even thought of that." I continued with some random facts that I had learned studying on, in a Sociology class. I have been trying to understand using real life, my own real-life toxicity that I carry with me mostly out of a protection mechanism that I am almost certain I bring to the table in any of my relationships.
Some people take being overly protective of self to be selfish. As I have stated in another blog post there is a virtue in being selfish. Although a person on the other side of this may see it as cold for me not wanting to share what I have whether it be financially, intimately or materialistically. The toxicity of it, to them, is seeing rather that I am lacking in another's considerations or overly self-concerned with a personal objective; making it appear to them that I am self-centered. There is no toxicity in my wanting to ensure I am not being taken advantage of or used... solely for another's profit or gain. Especially if it is going to exhaust and deplete me emotionally or mentally!
Harshly critical or overtly opinionated comes from being in an 8 year situation and or growing up with many where we were not allowed to have a voice and made to keep quiet for the comfort of others. I now refuse to stay quiet. I am quick-tongued and curt to the crucial point of telling facts or stating how I feel oftentimes by not realizing or taking into thought for someone else's feelings. I am not one to candy coat anything and if you do not want to know how I really think or feel please don't ask because you most likely will not like what I have to say. The toxicity to another will come off like I am indignant and arrogant. Which really is not the case.
Rigidness being stuck in a way where there is no room for change or anything else. My favorite motto, "there is no room at the inn." I do not want anyone in my space. I worked very hard to develop this strategy for living minimally and being happy at achieving what I can based on a budget that I earn; so I can stretch to no end so that I am surviving peacefully. Although rigidness may come off as closed off... that is not the case. I had to learn some really harsh boundaries for what I would no longer tolerate in my life. There is no room for disrespect, ignorance, abuse, laziness, no imagination and woe is my life. It is soul-sucking draining... so my closed off-ness and roadblocks is my boundary setting. If I don't allow it in my life... there is no need for it! So, therefore, I am rigid to the core!
Boring... this is where I want to laugh out loud, I truly like my quiet. I no longer have the need for any Toxic huge noisy environments where obtrusive people think they are being funny (the same story told over and over and over), alcohol flows freely at a stupid rate or where gluttony overrides any health concerns. I am an introvert which is seen as being a hermit, closed off recluse towards human interactions when the world at large insists on being involved with groups. Because of my coaching work, teaching, speaking and even my little gig that I have... I get enough of the public and then choose to close my self off because the noisy antics of ... are draining and not conducive to my mental health. My idea of fun has nothing to do with any toxic environment. Within that same statement, the toxicity is with someone else's expectancy that I am to be their sole entertainment and or source of fun. If a person can not find things to do on their own and be happy with doing things on their own... RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG. Breeding grounds for codependency! Which is the biggest TOXIC situation brought into any dynamic!
It truly takes a lot for a person to realize what Toxicity they bring into any relationship or situation but Hey, if you want to be a drunk belonging to a club putting your family obligations on a back-burner because you need to be the life of the party and you need to feel that centered attention is going to truly make you a better individual, giving your time to an organization that centers itself around drama crisis and chaos... for be it from be to say any different!
It takes a deep dive into one's own psyche' to realize the toxic traits they carry forward... We each not only have our own likes, idiosyncrasies, faults but we each have a toxicity that we, unfortunately, accompanies us.
If you would like to learn more about toxicity and idiosyncrasies (mode of behavior) I'd love to have you in one of my coaching classes for CREATIVE-MINDED WOMEN. My group or private class is only open to women. All inquiries kitrynmarie@gmail.com You are welcome to visit https://kitryn-marie.weebly.com to learn more.
If you are wanting to learn how to start your own side hustle and create the life truly meant for your highest good... book your classes today. Purchase 5 classes @ 90.00 ea and receive the 6th one for free. There is a variety of topics we address that we will assess when we first talk!
Be Happy Be Blessed
Kitryn Marie
#bizcoach #personalmentor