Morpha-sized Change
"They" wonder what happened and how dare you to have become this monster! They have epically failed to look at their own actions in what caused this grand morpha-sized change!
No, I am not the same person... but then again look at your reflection. Who have you become? Change comes when you recognize patterns and you cocoon yourself (alone) to become more beautiful than anyone ever could have imagined with wings so delicate you take nothing for granted anymore and you delightfully laugh at the bull shit they are living now! I have I said it for years, wings and prayers, the things that need flight and sight!
A reintroduction, I am Kitryn Marie. I am a writer, artist, speaker. I am a personal mentor and a biz coach. My former self, a woman who has always worked, had a hand always in food and beverage (even today) and loved waay to much; focusing all my efforts into a man that made me believe I was not enough and constantly talked about "potential." The things "he" wanted me to be. A non-existent person who doted on him, his kids and his low life associates in some dive establishment because that was where he was comfortable. Where he would feel superior. He could brag and tell fabricated stories on who knows what to make himself look better amongst a bunch of addicts and drudges of society. I was made to believe I was too flashy. I had no marketable skills. I had nothing to offer. I had no paycheck to turn over or nothing of real financial means to contribute to him or his. All the while tho strangely I maintained a livelihood to take care of mine (and him). This former shell of mine who fought tooth and nail to have this relationship that I believed in, I was lied to, cheated on and horribly emotionally and sometimes physically abused. This relationship completely obliterated my trust and has drastically changed the woman I am. If I was tough before... this rigid soul has become iron fist tight. It is not a matter of my way or no way, its a matter of get out of my lane and tend to yours. I have a direction and no one is going to get in my way, ever again!
When the world took a turn in 2008, life as I knew bellied out. Looking back, why was I to be the one to come up with solid plan for "us" when easily a license could have been put on hold. (a temp solution til some part of life evened out and he could have taken another job) why was it? No, his solution he Immediately gravitated to a secondary bartender with a full-time paycheck. Hmmm! what would have been in it for him? A TV, a new mattress, some dishware... a few free 1000 drinks. Someone else to feed his ego, to look at him/ like the be all and end all. Someone where he could lay on some charm and get laid so he would feel adequate as a "man". Feet over a fence... yet still dangling with what would have been iron tight secure for the rest of his life.
Oh baby girl, wipe your tears. If he cheated on me to be with that, then cheated on that to come back to me, to then once again cheat with that obese creature then to cheat on her with you! What part of this have you not seen? Who is the monster here? Three engagement rings... promises and lies. Who now is fighting for this fabricated life?
Over Christmas, a conversation was had about money and how the overtones have affected my life. When a person is constantly made to feel bad for lack of or constantly has a good "deed" thrown in their face. A person makes damn sure NO ONE ever again is going to do the same and put her in that same situation. Growing up it was drilled in my head to be responsible. I had no other choice. Whatever amount of money I had... I made it work. I made it stretch and I found a way to make my ends meet... down to the last 15Cents. It is called RESILLIANT. I have always used ingenuity to survive on. That is who I am! That is who I will always be! I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME! I DON'T WANT ANYONE'S MONEY! I can earn my own way. I DO NOT NEED TO BE PROVIDED FOR! NEVER! If that is what it is to be in a relationship, I DON'T WANT THAT EITHER!
I am not going to sacrifice my freedom, my choices of how I choose to live in order to be with someone. I am not some mealy mouth bleach blonde hag or some big fake titted woman looking for an easy way of life or an easy way out. It is one thing to be given a gift here or there but I can not be bought. I am grateful for all the gestures... but at some point, the gifts lose their value.
I am hard to please only because I know my standard in which I am trying to provide for myself. I don't want someone to do it for me...and I don't want the delusion of an "us" either. There is a "you" and there is a "me". I create boundaries so every one can stay in their own lane and take care of their own responsibilities. I have worked very hard to draw these lines and I am not going back ever to where I was before and until the message is heard, I will continue to plant those seeds of truth! Some people only see things for the hope of what they think is going to happen. I like being single. I enjoy being alone and I relish in growing not only as an awakened woman but a woman who is growing a business! I have my own thought process and I have my own ways of furthering my job task. To be an entrepreneurial woman with a creative mindset takes balls of steel and no one is going to keep me down or hold back by some archaic way of life! Get out of my lane!
All those years I had to bartend to survive; the fake camaraderie along with the sexual overtones, ruined my need for any compliments or any endearing terms. To be called baby, sweetheart or the like of any other term turns my stomach. It is a turn-off. I don't need it. I don't want to hear it. My need for any of that is gone just like my need to be in any romantic relationship. Where once there was great passion... I can not fake what is not there only because I don't want it any longer. It was destroyed. It takes brutal honesty for those kinds of words to come out of my mouth. Yeah, I am tough! I am not who I used to be... I have changed and I am not going back to who I used to be. There is absolutely no reason for it!
When I started taking my courses of study for Life and business coaching, I used the references of the life I lived for 8 years. Of all the relationships I had ever been in that is the one that changed me completely. The relationship caused me to be sick and I almost died. I can not change those medical facts. I have a type of Leukemia that stems from a staph infection that occurred because I was not gotten to the hospital on time. While I laid there sick waiting to be taken; that little bite turned for the worse... while he found it not important to answer his phone as I begged for him to come and get me, he was out drinking and getting laid because it served his needs. Things I can not get past. It affected every area of my life. So while I was trying to get my health back in order, I was trying to get my life back on track, getting back to the way I knew how to live, doing whatever it was I needed to do to survive. What was important to me then and now is, I have my own direction in which I want to go.
Luckily, I have perseverance. I have not given up on my dream and my goals. I don't need a man to complete me. I know my worth that is why I have been so hell-bent focused on creating my coaching groups. Although I have great empathy, I have no sympathy for any woman who knows her significant other is an abusive ass-hole. I can not candy coat codependency for any woman who makes excuses for the life she lives. How many times does a woman need to be berated in public and behind doors til she wakes up.? How many times does the police need to be called before she realizes SHE IS NOT THE PROBLEM... IT IS HIM!
To have a gift, a talent of any kind is to be utilized for the potential it is meant to have. I happened to find my voice and my calling by grand design. It helps I have always thought outside a box. I never take anything at face value... I allow my intuition to always guide me and I trust it. I have been fortunate that I am smart enough to keep seeking other venues that lead me into other opportunities so that I may grow and prosper to keep me in my own lane until I have finally arrived at the "real" destination I am trying to get to!
I hated 2018. I really did. It placed me emotionally right back to 2008... a place I never want to relive or think again! Because that is not who I am. That monster that was created was a horrible cruel entity that changed my way of thinking for the rest of my life. What lessons I learned, you damn well know I am going to advise and guide other women! It is my calling.
In the past 6 mos I have strategically have been putting in motion, a conference, a speaking engagement which I call "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE HERE!" The steps a woman takes to see what she needs to do to get her out and away from the life she thinks she has to live. Just by taking a different step, even if one step, in another direction... it will lead her into a different life. That other life is what her soul calling is. Its the gifts of resilience and the talents she was born with so she is able to take care of herself. Developing her passions so she can make a true living not hiding behind anyone that has held her back.
This conference is in the making. I do not have all the planned steps, YET. All I do know though it is going to happen. I have it in my mind for later this spring 2019. Trust me you will want a front row seat! It will be nothing you will want to miss!
But... in the meantime, my little world of art, teaching, affiliate marketing, and speaking is happening on a smaller scale. (While still working with a fabulous family oriented restaurant,) I have on my own independently partnered with a food company (The Gourmet Cupboard) and I am working on turning my kitchen into a test kitchen for video production. A KM Designs production; In the "Kit"chen. I will be promoting time and cost saving meal prep. I also have partnered back up with AVON to use and sell their home collection. I will also be doing a variety of art projects and once my basement is in some working order I will finally be refinishing and adding some articulate paint finishes on some handcrafted furniture. (that will be for sale) I am now scheduling and opening up once again my coaching and art classes.
I really do have an agenda and everyone needs to know their role and stay in their own lane... so I can get to my end result.
Balls of steel I tell ya! I have plans and I will be coming to a town near you; to exactly tell you too! 'CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE HERE!"
Meet Me in St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
#lifeandbizcoach #entreprenuiar #speaker #conference2019
No, I am not the same person... but then again look at your reflection. Who have you become? Change comes when you recognize patterns and you cocoon yourself (alone) to become more beautiful than anyone ever could have imagined with wings so delicate you take nothing for granted anymore and you delightfully laugh at the bull shit they are living now! I have I said it for years, wings and prayers, the things that need flight and sight!
A reintroduction, I am Kitryn Marie. I am a writer, artist, speaker. I am a personal mentor and a biz coach. My former self, a woman who has always worked, had a hand always in food and beverage (even today) and loved waay to much; focusing all my efforts into a man that made me believe I was not enough and constantly talked about "potential." The things "he" wanted me to be. A non-existent person who doted on him, his kids and his low life associates in some dive establishment because that was where he was comfortable. Where he would feel superior. He could brag and tell fabricated stories on who knows what to make himself look better amongst a bunch of addicts and drudges of society. I was made to believe I was too flashy. I had no marketable skills. I had nothing to offer. I had no paycheck to turn over or nothing of real financial means to contribute to him or his. All the while tho strangely I maintained a livelihood to take care of mine (and him). This former shell of mine who fought tooth and nail to have this relationship that I believed in, I was lied to, cheated on and horribly emotionally and sometimes physically abused. This relationship completely obliterated my trust and has drastically changed the woman I am. If I was tough before... this rigid soul has become iron fist tight. It is not a matter of my way or no way, its a matter of get out of my lane and tend to yours. I have a direction and no one is going to get in my way, ever again!
When the world took a turn in 2008, life as I knew bellied out. Looking back, why was I to be the one to come up with solid plan for "us" when easily a license could have been put on hold. (a temp solution til some part of life evened out and he could have taken another job) why was it? No, his solution he Immediately gravitated to a secondary bartender with a full-time paycheck. Hmmm! what would have been in it for him? A TV, a new mattress, some dishware... a few free 1000 drinks. Someone else to feed his ego, to look at him/ like the be all and end all. Someone where he could lay on some charm and get laid so he would feel adequate as a "man". Feet over a fence... yet still dangling with what would have been iron tight secure for the rest of his life.
Oh baby girl, wipe your tears. If he cheated on me to be with that, then cheated on that to come back to me, to then once again cheat with that obese creature then to cheat on her with you! What part of this have you not seen? Who is the monster here? Three engagement rings... promises and lies. Who now is fighting for this fabricated life?
******************************
Over Christmas, a conversation was had about money and how the overtones have affected my life. When a person is constantly made to feel bad for lack of or constantly has a good "deed" thrown in their face. A person makes damn sure NO ONE ever again is going to do the same and put her in that same situation. Growing up it was drilled in my head to be responsible. I had no other choice. Whatever amount of money I had... I made it work. I made it stretch and I found a way to make my ends meet... down to the last 15Cents. It is called RESILLIANT. I have always used ingenuity to survive on. That is who I am! That is who I will always be! I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME! I DON'T WANT ANYONE'S MONEY! I can earn my own way. I DO NOT NEED TO BE PROVIDED FOR! NEVER! If that is what it is to be in a relationship, I DON'T WANT THAT EITHER!
I am not going to sacrifice my freedom, my choices of how I choose to live in order to be with someone. I am not some mealy mouth bleach blonde hag or some big fake titted woman looking for an easy way of life or an easy way out. It is one thing to be given a gift here or there but I can not be bought. I am grateful for all the gestures... but at some point, the gifts lose their value.
I am hard to please only because I know my standard in which I am trying to provide for myself. I don't want someone to do it for me...and I don't want the delusion of an "us" either. There is a "you" and there is a "me". I create boundaries so every one can stay in their own lane and take care of their own responsibilities. I have worked very hard to draw these lines and I am not going back ever to where I was before and until the message is heard, I will continue to plant those seeds of truth! Some people only see things for the hope of what they think is going to happen. I like being single. I enjoy being alone and I relish in growing not only as an awakened woman but a woman who is growing a business! I have my own thought process and I have my own ways of furthering my job task. To be an entrepreneurial woman with a creative mindset takes balls of steel and no one is going to keep me down or hold back by some archaic way of life! Get out of my lane!
All those years I had to bartend to survive; the fake camaraderie along with the sexual overtones, ruined my need for any compliments or any endearing terms. To be called baby, sweetheart or the like of any other term turns my stomach. It is a turn-off. I don't need it. I don't want to hear it. My need for any of that is gone just like my need to be in any romantic relationship. Where once there was great passion... I can not fake what is not there only because I don't want it any longer. It was destroyed. It takes brutal honesty for those kinds of words to come out of my mouth. Yeah, I am tough! I am not who I used to be... I have changed and I am not going back to who I used to be. There is absolutely no reason for it!
When I started taking my courses of study for Life and business coaching, I used the references of the life I lived for 8 years. Of all the relationships I had ever been in that is the one that changed me completely. The relationship caused me to be sick and I almost died. I can not change those medical facts. I have a type of Leukemia that stems from a staph infection that occurred because I was not gotten to the hospital on time. While I laid there sick waiting to be taken; that little bite turned for the worse... while he found it not important to answer his phone as I begged for him to come and get me, he was out drinking and getting laid because it served his needs. Things I can not get past. It affected every area of my life. So while I was trying to get my health back in order, I was trying to get my life back on track, getting back to the way I knew how to live, doing whatever it was I needed to do to survive. What was important to me then and now is, I have my own direction in which I want to go.
Luckily, I have perseverance. I have not given up on my dream and my goals. I don't need a man to complete me. I know my worth that is why I have been so hell-bent focused on creating my coaching groups. Although I have great empathy, I have no sympathy for any woman who knows her significant other is an abusive ass-hole. I can not candy coat codependency for any woman who makes excuses for the life she lives. How many times does a woman need to be berated in public and behind doors til she wakes up.? How many times does the police need to be called before she realizes SHE IS NOT THE PROBLEM... IT IS HIM!
To have a gift, a talent of any kind is to be utilized for the potential it is meant to have. I happened to find my voice and my calling by grand design. It helps I have always thought outside a box. I never take anything at face value... I allow my intuition to always guide me and I trust it. I have been fortunate that I am smart enough to keep seeking other venues that lead me into other opportunities so that I may grow and prosper to keep me in my own lane until I have finally arrived at the "real" destination I am trying to get to!
I hated 2018. I really did. It placed me emotionally right back to 2008... a place I never want to relive or think again! Because that is not who I am. That monster that was created was a horrible cruel entity that changed my way of thinking for the rest of my life. What lessons I learned, you damn well know I am going to advise and guide other women! It is my calling.
In the past 6 mos I have strategically have been putting in motion, a conference, a speaking engagement which I call "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE HERE!" The steps a woman takes to see what she needs to do to get her out and away from the life she thinks she has to live. Just by taking a different step, even if one step, in another direction... it will lead her into a different life. That other life is what her soul calling is. Its the gifts of resilience and the talents she was born with so she is able to take care of herself. Developing her passions so she can make a true living not hiding behind anyone that has held her back.
This conference is in the making. I do not have all the planned steps, YET. All I do know though it is going to happen. I have it in my mind for later this spring 2019. Trust me you will want a front row seat! It will be nothing you will want to miss!
But... in the meantime, my little world of art, teaching, affiliate marketing, and speaking is happening on a smaller scale. (While still working with a fabulous family oriented restaurant,) I have on my own independently partnered with a food company (The Gourmet Cupboard) and I am working on turning my kitchen into a test kitchen for video production. A KM Designs production; In the "Kit"chen. I will be promoting time and cost saving meal prep. I also have partnered back up with AVON to use and sell their home collection. I will also be doing a variety of art projects and once my basement is in some working order I will finally be refinishing and adding some articulate paint finishes on some handcrafted furniture. (that will be for sale) I am now scheduling and opening up once again my coaching and art classes.
I really do have an agenda and everyone needs to know their role and stay in their own lane... so I can get to my end result.
Balls of steel I tell ya! I have plans and I will be coming to a town near you; to exactly tell you too! 'CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE HERE!"
Meet Me in St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
#lifeandbizcoach #entreprenuiar #speaker #conference2019
