Authentic: It Is What Is The Real
In order to be your most authentic self, one has to get as real and raw as one can be with self! (Sounds like a simple statement right?) Setting the tone and looking at the view at hand and the view one has pictured in one's head and then clearly stating out loud the vision to be seen... The Big Picture one has planned. The big picture one has always had!
It should be easy to see, recognize, what a person does not want. It is a process of elimination, mistakes, trial, and errors and boredom! It is the things that a person gets bored with because it no longer stimulates certain body parts, the mind or ignites the soul. The situation can no longer be manipulated to work in one's favor. If that person is not hearing what they want to hear or getting the response one feels they need, they will subject them self to Simple trades off's, cheap thrills and any high seeking entity that is quick to fix a situation hoping it will fill their gaping hole of EMPTY because they cannot be happy with them self as a whole. Sadly these mistakes and repeated patterns only inhibit and clouds one's judgment for what is real and authentic! Even a sober person will fill itself with unhealthy vices not recognizing authentic because they do not identify with real. It is the repeated mistakes that an individual refuses to see keeping them locked in a pattern of addicted misery that they do not want but they will continue to choose the same mistakes!
In order to be real and authentic... it starts with honesty! That condition of truth that keeps you on track and keeps you seeking the life that is meant for you! Too much bull shit and too many games get played because people who are looking to gain...something ... anything they cheat others out of their time, their money, their love, their energy and stealing their passion for life! Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed... and mostly experienced! but not at the cost of another persons dignity! Nobody is to be made out to be a fool at the expense of another.
I am going to use myself as an example because I can only speak for myself. I could give 100 examples so you could identify with but YOU only know your truths and your authenticities! You have to know your self and then admit your "real." Being real and raw is allowing someone to seriously know you and it exposes the heart of your own soul. When you are real and raw you are vulnerable. It goes beyond a connection and or allowing someone to ATTACH! We all have safety nets... and those that trade/change out people like they trade out tools, jobs...underwear for that matter has found it easy to keep identifying with that process of elimination.
My mom ( a singer, artist )died in 1968, a victim of domestic violence. My father (a musician, artist/craftsman, truck driver and later in life a handyman) an alcoholic. After her death, we (my sister and I were left to be raised by my grandparents) I was abandoned. I have abandonment issues. Clear as day! Here today gone tomorrow is nothing any child should have to go through. With no explanations or any talk of her after her death. My father and his come here go away tactics... full blown alcoholic traits. I only want you when I need YOU. When I can get something from the situation. I love you but let me love you when it is convenient for me... NOT YOU. Now you go away because I'll be at the bar!
Growing up, I hid. I was quiet, unassuming, I was an introvert living in a very loud Italian household. From already witnessing the abuse towards mother and being subjected to and the overbearing overtones from my father, I developed an anxiety disorder. I learned very quickly at a very young age, If I could be in a state of quiet, no noise, I could be calm. I could go so within... I need not talk or associate with a soul.
I took vocal lessons for most of my growing up years. If I sang, it was as if my mom was standing right next to me!
I was an average student. I maintained... I had a variety of social circles feeling like I never belonged. I was a heavy girl/extra weight. I was constantly made fun of... was called some not so nice words... teasing that others felt was ok! Always some boy trying something... My eye was mostly always on the same boy from the time I was 11years old til later in life until I learned. That first love you never get over or forget. but I was never good enough. I had nothing to offer him... I was good enough when no one else was around but if there was a better offer, he was gone! But I was in love with love!
I married because I was tired of the games. I had children because I always wanted children. I wanted a family! I wanted to be what I didn't have... I stayed at home. Started painting and realizing all the talents I had. I studied, went to college. Studied communications, theatre, journalism, and psychology. I raised my kids still always wanting more kids. I left my husband after finding out my dad had a terminal illness. Lock stock barrel I packed up my kids and dogs and left. I was in a very unhappy marriage.
Dad died 1992, 3 mos after being diagnosed with Liver Cancer. He had subsequently stopped drinking the year I graduated from high school 1979. It did not help him... the damage was done. It was a painful death. Watching my father die was like watching a man drowning and you are on the shore and there is nothing you can do!
I divorced 1994... after 11 years of marriage. (I have not been married since)
I went to work in a bar and grill. I knew if I couldn't feed you to death I could talk you to death. I made lots of money! I waitressed and bartended making the alcoholics life work to my advantage! I was not a drinker. To this day NOT a drinker. I despise alcoholics! They are drowning in their own misery. A serious health issue and chemical dependency that most do not recognize! Fictitious altered states that destroy relationships and families!
Later my youngest came along, I still wanted more children. I wanted to still have that family. I wanted to be married. I still had those dreams of being in love with love. The relationship did not work out... but I was very happy with my children! and the life I was starting to carve out!
I continued with art. Took a few more classes and took on a few different jobs! Still trying to search for what my real was. My kids came first doing what I needed to do at that time... I got involved with someone whose children went to the same school as mine. It was an arranged date thru mutual friends(although we had been talking already online thru a dating site!). He had kids. I was thrilled for more kids to be apart of my family. My kids loved his and his happy to be a part of. Although something happened the more we got into the relationship. His kids started resenting that someone was stepping into the mother role and the man, their father was starting to pit them against me. Those kids needed a stable home environment. Their mother had abandoned them so I knew what it was like to not have that one person they needed so much. That man spent most his time in a bar. Often too drunk to care about their whereabouts. I fed them took them where they needed to go... It was convenient for him to come and go as he pleased. His idea of the relationship was fine as long as I did things on his terms, his house, his bar...etc... etc... what I needed for us to do he could never understand.
8 years of back and forth. His kids now teens for a short time were drinking underage and promiscuous and when I brought it to his attention, I was a horrible person for even bringing it his attention. How dare I say something! That's when things started to get out of control. I loved those kids as if they were my own but the disrespect and the lack of courtesy were more than I could deal with. He would never back me up. He Would never reprimand them and That bar that he associated with and the other woman that came into play. And to mention the ones he had move into that house behind my back while he and I were still together. No woman on this earth deserves that! His verbal abuse and his physical abuse was getting out of hand. Things broke and destroyed in my house... and my spirit crushed. The life I wanted and the family I was trying to keep together was deteriorating. He would work and not answer his phone. He would disappear for days. Show up when convenient and to keep up charades... until finally after the 3rd woman moved into his house... I was done. My heart could not take any more deceit! and the accusations that came at me to cover his tracks... The lies! The lies and the lies! There are things a person never gets over or forgets and never forgives! I may not have had a pot to piss in but I shared everything I had with this family and brutally it was obliviated...it did not matter how much I loved or how much I put up with or how much of myself I gave. It was never good enough. For someone to have recently claimed to say, "I tried and tried to make it work!" my answer now, "How? by putting your d..k in other women? Really how?"
I was diagnosed with an illness just about the time, I was finding out about the 3rd women living in his house. If that did not kill me then I did not know what would. I could hardly breathe knowing what he had done but yet one more time!
He was there one day and then gone... with no explanation of any kind! on his horrific behavior! Although after the fact, 6 years of his continuous text and messages went on as if all was well and his behavior was "justified"
I spent 3 years trying to recover my health. The following years, I continued to work on myself. I studied classes in a completely different field. Developed new talents and Grew my art business... and left an entity that threatened my peace after having a gun-wielding in my direction!
Now in a perfect world, I would have been married. I would have had that happily ever big picture. I would have been treated with the utmost respect because I loved and I was loved back. In that picture, there would have been another child but as life happens and change of life occurs... I would have developed my talents. I would have continued to create and design and we would have worked together building an empire. But as we all know, I do not live in a perfect world and the reality of that world imploded!
To be authentic and real... I can not get any rawer then what I just wrote! To speak my heart and mind and find some kind of solace within my soul has been gut-wrenching. To be that exposed... it does not get any more real than that! To speak and no longer cry makes a person hold their head a little higher looking in another direction when the heart is still trying to understand how someone can be so ungodly cruel.
This is not about my life or business coaching. This is about designing a new life and carving out a different niche in some direction yet known. I love to decorate. I love to design. I would love to "general" a house remodel. I am smart enough to read blue prints. I am aware of load-bearing walls, designated circuits... two-phase electric and modern plumbing complete with a master ensuite! I am more than familiar with finishes and faux painting techniques, trends and colors, fireplaces and heating with cooling options. The things and entities that I am aware of sometimes even makes me shake my head at! See I listened and learned more than anyone could have imagined!
I will continue with my coaching and mentoring. I will continue with my painting furniture. I will do a few art shows here and there and I will teach as often as I can. I will have horses and I will get my farm life! My big picture has remained... To create this life no one could have ever fathomed.
In order to be your most authentic self, one has to get as real and raw as one can be with self! (Sounds like a simple statement right?) Setting the tone and looking at the view at hand and the view one has pictured in one's head and then clearly stating out loud the vision to be seen... The Big Picture one has planned. The big picture one has always had!
How's that view looking for you now?
Meet Me in St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
It should be easy to see, recognize, what a person does not want. It is a process of elimination, mistakes, trial, and errors and boredom! It is the things that a person gets bored with because it no longer stimulates certain body parts, the mind or ignites the soul. The situation can no longer be manipulated to work in one's favor. If that person is not hearing what they want to hear or getting the response one feels they need, they will subject them self to Simple trades off's, cheap thrills and any high seeking entity that is quick to fix a situation hoping it will fill their gaping hole of EMPTY because they cannot be happy with them self as a whole. Sadly these mistakes and repeated patterns only inhibit and clouds one's judgment for what is real and authentic! Even a sober person will fill itself with unhealthy vices not recognizing authentic because they do not identify with real. It is the repeated mistakes that an individual refuses to see keeping them locked in a pattern of addicted misery that they do not want but they will continue to choose the same mistakes!
In order to be real and authentic... it starts with honesty! That condition of truth that keeps you on track and keeps you seeking the life that is meant for you! Too much bull shit and too many games get played because people who are looking to gain...something ... anything they cheat others out of their time, their money, their love, their energy and stealing their passion for life! Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed... and mostly experienced! but not at the cost of another persons dignity! Nobody is to be made out to be a fool at the expense of another.
I am going to use myself as an example because I can only speak for myself. I could give 100 examples so you could identify with but YOU only know your truths and your authenticities! You have to know your self and then admit your "real." Being real and raw is allowing someone to seriously know you and it exposes the heart of your own soul. When you are real and raw you are vulnerable. It goes beyond a connection and or allowing someone to ATTACH! We all have safety nets... and those that trade/change out people like they trade out tools, jobs...underwear for that matter has found it easy to keep identifying with that process of elimination.
My mom ( a singer, artist )died in 1968, a victim of domestic violence. My father (a musician, artist/craftsman, truck driver and later in life a handyman) an alcoholic. After her death, we (my sister and I were left to be raised by my grandparents) I was abandoned. I have abandonment issues. Clear as day! Here today gone tomorrow is nothing any child should have to go through. With no explanations or any talk of her after her death. My father and his come here go away tactics... full blown alcoholic traits. I only want you when I need YOU. When I can get something from the situation. I love you but let me love you when it is convenient for me... NOT YOU. Now you go away because I'll be at the bar!
Growing up, I hid. I was quiet, unassuming, I was an introvert living in a very loud Italian household. From already witnessing the abuse towards mother and being subjected to and the overbearing overtones from my father, I developed an anxiety disorder. I learned very quickly at a very young age, If I could be in a state of quiet, no noise, I could be calm. I could go so within... I need not talk or associate with a soul.
I took vocal lessons for most of my growing up years. If I sang, it was as if my mom was standing right next to me!
I was an average student. I maintained... I had a variety of social circles feeling like I never belonged. I was a heavy girl/extra weight. I was constantly made fun of... was called some not so nice words... teasing that others felt was ok! Always some boy trying something... My eye was mostly always on the same boy from the time I was 11years old til later in life until I learned. That first love you never get over or forget. but I was never good enough. I had nothing to offer him... I was good enough when no one else was around but if there was a better offer, he was gone! But I was in love with love!
I married because I was tired of the games. I had children because I always wanted children. I wanted a family! I wanted to be what I didn't have... I stayed at home. Started painting and realizing all the talents I had. I studied, went to college. Studied communications, theatre, journalism, and psychology. I raised my kids still always wanting more kids. I left my husband after finding out my dad had a terminal illness. Lock stock barrel I packed up my kids and dogs and left. I was in a very unhappy marriage.
Dad died 1992, 3 mos after being diagnosed with Liver Cancer. He had subsequently stopped drinking the year I graduated from high school 1979. It did not help him... the damage was done. It was a painful death. Watching my father die was like watching a man drowning and you are on the shore and there is nothing you can do!
I divorced 1994... after 11 years of marriage. (I have not been married since)
I went to work in a bar and grill. I knew if I couldn't feed you to death I could talk you to death. I made lots of money! I waitressed and bartended making the alcoholics life work to my advantage! I was not a drinker. To this day NOT a drinker. I despise alcoholics! They are drowning in their own misery. A serious health issue and chemical dependency that most do not recognize! Fictitious altered states that destroy relationships and families!
Later my youngest came along, I still wanted more children. I wanted to still have that family. I wanted to be married. I still had those dreams of being in love with love. The relationship did not work out... but I was very happy with my children! and the life I was starting to carve out!
I continued with art. Took a few more classes and took on a few different jobs! Still trying to search for what my real was. My kids came first doing what I needed to do at that time... I got involved with someone whose children went to the same school as mine. It was an arranged date thru mutual friends(although we had been talking already online thru a dating site!). He had kids. I was thrilled for more kids to be apart of my family. My kids loved his and his happy to be a part of. Although something happened the more we got into the relationship. His kids started resenting that someone was stepping into the mother role and the man, their father was starting to pit them against me. Those kids needed a stable home environment. Their mother had abandoned them so I knew what it was like to not have that one person they needed so much. That man spent most his time in a bar. Often too drunk to care about their whereabouts. I fed them took them where they needed to go... It was convenient for him to come and go as he pleased. His idea of the relationship was fine as long as I did things on his terms, his house, his bar...etc... etc... what I needed for us to do he could never understand.
8 years of back and forth. His kids now teens for a short time were drinking underage and promiscuous and when I brought it to his attention, I was a horrible person for even bringing it his attention. How dare I say something! That's when things started to get out of control. I loved those kids as if they were my own but the disrespect and the lack of courtesy were more than I could deal with. He would never back me up. He Would never reprimand them and That bar that he associated with and the other woman that came into play. And to mention the ones he had move into that house behind my back while he and I were still together. No woman on this earth deserves that! His verbal abuse and his physical abuse was getting out of hand. Things broke and destroyed in my house... and my spirit crushed. The life I wanted and the family I was trying to keep together was deteriorating. He would work and not answer his phone. He would disappear for days. Show up when convenient and to keep up charades... until finally after the 3rd woman moved into his house... I was done. My heart could not take any more deceit! and the accusations that came at me to cover his tracks... The lies! The lies and the lies! There are things a person never gets over or forgets and never forgives! I may not have had a pot to piss in but I shared everything I had with this family and brutally it was obliviated...it did not matter how much I loved or how much I put up with or how much of myself I gave. It was never good enough. For someone to have recently claimed to say, "I tried and tried to make it work!" my answer now, "How? by putting your d..k in other women? Really how?"
I was diagnosed with an illness just about the time, I was finding out about the 3rd women living in his house. If that did not kill me then I did not know what would. I could hardly breathe knowing what he had done but yet one more time!
He was there one day and then gone... with no explanation of any kind! on his horrific behavior! Although after the fact, 6 years of his continuous text and messages went on as if all was well and his behavior was "justified"
I spent 3 years trying to recover my health. The following years, I continued to work on myself. I studied classes in a completely different field. Developed new talents and Grew my art business... and left an entity that threatened my peace after having a gun-wielding in my direction!
Now in a perfect world, I would have been married. I would have had that happily ever big picture. I would have been treated with the utmost respect because I loved and I was loved back. In that picture, there would have been another child but as life happens and change of life occurs... I would have developed my talents. I would have continued to create and design and we would have worked together building an empire. But as we all know, I do not live in a perfect world and the reality of that world imploded!
To be authentic and real... I can not get any rawer then what I just wrote! To speak my heart and mind and find some kind of solace within my soul has been gut-wrenching. To be that exposed... it does not get any more real than that! To speak and no longer cry makes a person hold their head a little higher looking in another direction when the heart is still trying to understand how someone can be so ungodly cruel.
This is not about my life or business coaching. This is about designing a new life and carving out a different niche in some direction yet known. I love to decorate. I love to design. I would love to "general" a house remodel. I am smart enough to read blue prints. I am aware of load-bearing walls, designated circuits... two-phase electric and modern plumbing complete with a master ensuite! I am more than familiar with finishes and faux painting techniques, trends and colors, fireplaces and heating with cooling options. The things and entities that I am aware of sometimes even makes me shake my head at! See I listened and learned more than anyone could have imagined!
I will continue with my coaching and mentoring. I will continue with my painting furniture. I will do a few art shows here and there and I will teach as often as I can. I will have horses and I will get my farm life! My big picture has remained... To create this life no one could have ever fathomed.
In order to be your most authentic self, one has to get as real and raw as one can be with self! (Sounds like a simple statement right?) Setting the tone and looking at the view at hand and the view one has pictured in one's head and then clearly stating out loud the vision to be seen... The Big Picture one has planned. The big picture one has always had!
How's that view looking for you now?
Meet Me in St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
