A Christmas Prayer
As I sit here this morning on this chilly Saturday Nov 24th, I prepare for the days ahead and for the new months that will follow. It is that season of expectations and hype. A season for love and joy; tinsle and sparkle. It is the time for magic and a time for miracles. It is also a time of year where so many people become depressed and a deep seated grief steps in. It is that time of year a person feels so alone and a heart breaks for what once was or worse what one has always wished for.
Personally I wish they would stop with the Christmas car commercials! I don't know about you but most the people I know live paycheck to paycheck and car purchases are most likely not in the equation for the holiday. The families I know still are struggling with making ends meet and the emotional stress they put themselves through trying to buy the latest and greatest for their kids. I don't know a soul who gets matching vehicles on Christmas morning! Shame on the car industry for such a foolish gesture for that falsehood of what Christmas morning should look like!
As far as the diamond industry, for one, look at the jewelry stores in the mall, they have diminished to almost none. It is a rare handful of women who receive engagement rings for Christmas. Another industry that preys on the heart of a woman putting hopeful notions in a "girls" mind that this might be the Christmas she gets a ring. That down on one knee proposal that is going to miraculously catapult her into being a Mrs. Often that hype ends up in the most dissappointing realization... and the let down of not receiving that big "ta da" is shattering.
Lets talk the older generation that sits at home, who has lost connection with their grown children who have become so busy with their life they no longer have time for their parents. Putting a small tree up with a prayer in mind. The heartfelt sadness that comes from the parents that want to know how they are doing and they desperately wish their kids would come spend a Christmas meal with them. Time has gotten away and now there are more years behind them instead of whats in front of them. They long for what use to be and just one more time!
Then we have the grown child/children who have just lost a parent. The realization there will be no more holidays spent with that parent. There will be no more picking them up to come over for that Christmas meal, no more cards or gifts. There will be no more trips to mass because that parent was devout in faith and prayed so feverently for hope in their Child/childrens heart. The grief that sets in because the memories from childhood days and Christmas mornings from long ago are now nothing but moments that had happened so many years past. The grief that sets in for the traditions that will be lost and the grandchildren that will no longer have the privalage of hearing a story. The could haves and the would haves now get played over and over in the mind knowing you should have done more for that parent... but you didn't so now there is an empty chair and a parent that will be desperately missed.
There will always be the single parent that is burning the candle at both ends trying to provide a decent special meal and at the least one special gift for her child/children. A meager tree with home made ornaments and few baked cookies because she is trying so hard to pull it all together for them! Her heart has been devesated and her dream family has been just that a dream, something she has longed for! As she looks at those babies trying to offer more, she prays for a miracle and a genuine love of her own someone who loves her kids as much as she does and someone who will step in and take on the role for what they need. She this Christmas prays for magic and miracles.
We cannot forget the homeless or the veterens who have lost so much. Their depression and anxeity comes with a bigger price tag then any car or diamond. They have been forgotten. They live on the streets hungry and cold. This holiday means nothing to them... they want to forget holidays exist just like the general public has forgotten them! Christmas is just another day... it means nothing.
Lastly, lets think of all those children who are in the foster care system. Those kids who are hoping for a family this Christmas. Those kids who want to belong to someone who loves them unconditionally. Those pretty wrapped presents are nice but what they really wish for is a bed of their own in a house that is a home that is filled with hot meals and love! They want permanent wonder and awe... as if every day would be Christmas to them!
Christmas is so very hard on many many individuals. As much as I love the holiday season, I understand the ramifications that come with it! My christmas' have not been the same since my dad passed away. He made Christmas magical. He may not have given us a gosh darn thing all year long but when Christmas came it was magical. The tinsle the sparkle the gifts and the food!
My grandma did everything in her power to make sure we never went with out! The christmas cookies that lined our table for days as she methodically baked traditional recipes. The house smelled like Christmas!
There have been many lean years for my own children but they have never done without! Whomever I have been involved I made sure my money was stretched as far as it could go ensuring they would not go with out either! My traditions have changed and I do look back and I long for "home" a place I know no longer exist. There is a very big empty place that sits in my heart when it comes to the holidays. (Too many years, I did and did for Christmas' and not one damn thing recipricated from someone I was involved... that kind of hurt does not go away. )
I visit my dads grave and take apples for the deer. The first year after he died, the deer prints were insane... they were everywhere. When my kids(then small) asked where did they come from? I said with tears in my eyes, "Santa made sure to come by to see grandpa. Santa could not let this Christmas go by with out a visit!" So to make sure Santa revisits year after year, I take apples to the cemetary. Dad has been gone since 1992. It never gets easier. I always think how much he has missed.
My tree will go up and I will bake. My older kids have lives of their own and they fit me in between the other parental units. There will be art crafts for the g-kids and a sentimental gift for the baby! (Carmen who is named after my mom) My youngest and I do whatever we feel is right for us. There will be presents for him and a prayer in my heart. Peace of mind. Health! Peace for hope and miracles and magic...opportunities with joy and passion filled with the right kind of love. No hype for cars or diamonds or promises that can't be kept.
I'm not quite at the point where I say there are more days behind me than in front of me but I do reflect on all the Christmas past! My favorite line in Ebeneezer Scrooge, "Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only?".
From me to you may your holiday be filled with reflections. May your thoughts and memories bring you joy and peace! Start new traditions and remember what this season is all about; Spending time with those that mean the most to you! Be a tourist in your own town. Take in the sights and the sounds, eat a cookie or three! Visit a grave and feed the deer!
May blessings surround you in this season of magic!
Meet Me in St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
Personally I wish they would stop with the Christmas car commercials! I don't know about you but most the people I know live paycheck to paycheck and car purchases are most likely not in the equation for the holiday. The families I know still are struggling with making ends meet and the emotional stress they put themselves through trying to buy the latest and greatest for their kids. I don't know a soul who gets matching vehicles on Christmas morning! Shame on the car industry for such a foolish gesture for that falsehood of what Christmas morning should look like!
As far as the diamond industry, for one, look at the jewelry stores in the mall, they have diminished to almost none. It is a rare handful of women who receive engagement rings for Christmas. Another industry that preys on the heart of a woman putting hopeful notions in a "girls" mind that this might be the Christmas she gets a ring. That down on one knee proposal that is going to miraculously catapult her into being a Mrs. Often that hype ends up in the most dissappointing realization... and the let down of not receiving that big "ta da" is shattering.
Lets talk the older generation that sits at home, who has lost connection with their grown children who have become so busy with their life they no longer have time for their parents. Putting a small tree up with a prayer in mind. The heartfelt sadness that comes from the parents that want to know how they are doing and they desperately wish their kids would come spend a Christmas meal with them. Time has gotten away and now there are more years behind them instead of whats in front of them. They long for what use to be and just one more time!
Then we have the grown child/children who have just lost a parent. The realization there will be no more holidays spent with that parent. There will be no more picking them up to come over for that Christmas meal, no more cards or gifts. There will be no more trips to mass because that parent was devout in faith and prayed so feverently for hope in their Child/childrens heart. The grief that sets in because the memories from childhood days and Christmas mornings from long ago are now nothing but moments that had happened so many years past. The grief that sets in for the traditions that will be lost and the grandchildren that will no longer have the privalage of hearing a story. The could haves and the would haves now get played over and over in the mind knowing you should have done more for that parent... but you didn't so now there is an empty chair and a parent that will be desperately missed.
There will always be the single parent that is burning the candle at both ends trying to provide a decent special meal and at the least one special gift for her child/children. A meager tree with home made ornaments and few baked cookies because she is trying so hard to pull it all together for them! Her heart has been devesated and her dream family has been just that a dream, something she has longed for! As she looks at those babies trying to offer more, she prays for a miracle and a genuine love of her own someone who loves her kids as much as she does and someone who will step in and take on the role for what they need. She this Christmas prays for magic and miracles.
We cannot forget the homeless or the veterens who have lost so much. Their depression and anxeity comes with a bigger price tag then any car or diamond. They have been forgotten. They live on the streets hungry and cold. This holiday means nothing to them... they want to forget holidays exist just like the general public has forgotten them! Christmas is just another day... it means nothing.
Lastly, lets think of all those children who are in the foster care system. Those kids who are hoping for a family this Christmas. Those kids who want to belong to someone who loves them unconditionally. Those pretty wrapped presents are nice but what they really wish for is a bed of their own in a house that is a home that is filled with hot meals and love! They want permanent wonder and awe... as if every day would be Christmas to them!
Christmas is so very hard on many many individuals. As much as I love the holiday season, I understand the ramifications that come with it! My christmas' have not been the same since my dad passed away. He made Christmas magical. He may not have given us a gosh darn thing all year long but when Christmas came it was magical. The tinsle the sparkle the gifts and the food!
My grandma did everything in her power to make sure we never went with out! The christmas cookies that lined our table for days as she methodically baked traditional recipes. The house smelled like Christmas!
There have been many lean years for my own children but they have never done without! Whomever I have been involved I made sure my money was stretched as far as it could go ensuring they would not go with out either! My traditions have changed and I do look back and I long for "home" a place I know no longer exist. There is a very big empty place that sits in my heart when it comes to the holidays. (Too many years, I did and did for Christmas' and not one damn thing recipricated from someone I was involved... that kind of hurt does not go away. )
I visit my dads grave and take apples for the deer. The first year after he died, the deer prints were insane... they were everywhere. When my kids(then small) asked where did they come from? I said with tears in my eyes, "Santa made sure to come by to see grandpa. Santa could not let this Christmas go by with out a visit!" So to make sure Santa revisits year after year, I take apples to the cemetary. Dad has been gone since 1992. It never gets easier. I always think how much he has missed.
My tree will go up and I will bake. My older kids have lives of their own and they fit me in between the other parental units. There will be art crafts for the g-kids and a sentimental gift for the baby! (Carmen who is named after my mom) My youngest and I do whatever we feel is right for us. There will be presents for him and a prayer in my heart. Peace of mind. Health! Peace for hope and miracles and magic...opportunities with joy and passion filled with the right kind of love. No hype for cars or diamonds or promises that can't be kept.
I'm not quite at the point where I say there are more days behind me than in front of me but I do reflect on all the Christmas past! My favorite line in Ebeneezer Scrooge, "Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only?".
From me to you may your holiday be filled with reflections. May your thoughts and memories bring you joy and peace! Start new traditions and remember what this season is all about; Spending time with those that mean the most to you! Be a tourist in your own town. Take in the sights and the sounds, eat a cookie or three! Visit a grave and feed the deer!
May blessings surround you in this season of magic!
Meet Me in St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
