It Is Human Nature To Look Back
We compare our life to what we had to what we currently have now. It is human nature to look back on different situations and wonder "if a certain act" didn't take place where would you be now? How would you be living and even sometimes we think if you could go back and change that one incident would you? We each live in a trickle-down affected world. One person's actions very much affect us. Especially if that person was close in proximity to the relationship. Each of our personal motives has such an impact on those around us at the time of ...
In a recent video I made, I briefly talk about we all come with baggage. How we choose to unpack that baggage is another story. Depending on the severity of certain situations it can carry with us the rest of our life. Hurt is hurt and damage is damage and there are somethings the mind never can comprehend especially when the act was deceitful and purposely intended to cause emotional harm to another for personal gain. It is hard to fathom why anyone would intentionally be so selfish. What really was the gain?
An email I received not too long ago, stated, "imagine what you could have written if the relationship was great?" My NOW reply, "yes think if you were not a cheat, did not have numerous women move in your house behind my back, did not constantly lie to me and emotionally abuse, take my love for granted and you did not feel the need to control my every move because you had no control over your own life? Just think what I could have written about? If the relationship was great! HELLO!! Seriously? A few great trips does not equate a real love story... poetically written.
Let me indulge for just a minute. Let me write out how this scenario would have looked if it was a truly great relationship? Starting with, if you would have come home and had no need to run around because you had someone at home giving everything she had to you and yours. Imagine if you could have really walked your talk the things you promised and you projected. (OUR life, The life that so many were incredibly jealous of.) Imagine what it would have looked like not to come home drunk and bait me into a fight. Imagine understanding my need to find my real niche and you to be supportive of my dreams. Imagine if you would have reached to me with tenderness instead of angry fist because I saw no need to hang out with addictive souls or to put up with you being drunk or children who were unappreciative and disrespectful! Imagine putting everything on the table and talking like real adults instead of you running off, not answering your phone having illicit affairs and sexual encounters with the likes of bar cheap tricks? Imagine being so proud of who you had and so thankful for the well put together package that God created that loved you unconditionally knowing it was never going to be easy because of your growing up environment. ( you are your father) Imagine working side by side in each other's work promoting each of our talents; marketing productive work, making real money never having to wait for an inheritance or a stroke of luck! Real life passion that had real drive towards the goal. Imagine having two houses to sell... each having an insurmountable amount of equity where a real dream house could have been bought? Imagine... hmmm, yes, think about all that I could have written? Imagine if you would have taken me to the hospital... you would have beat feet home to get me to the emergency room because that is what you do for the people you love. Imagine beaming with pride... because you loved so hard you could not even think of yourself? Imagine me writing about the wonderful way you emotionally took care of us. Instead of constant trolling internet dating sites and dive ass taverns... Imagine how it would have felt for you to finish a project that you started. How I could have bragged about what you did for us? Just imagine?
We spend a lifetime going over the what ifs? We play and play and then replay some more. I can't even fathom how a person can even expect to be given accolades over behavior so appalling. Yet a cowards actions runs away to find another instead of taking full responsibility for all the damage he caused. NO, you weren't looking to find yourself... you were looking for someone to fix your empty. You were looking for someone to pick up your slack because you had nothing else to fall back on... and although you portrayed this upstanding person to others, behind closed doors you were someone completely different. You place blame on the wrong person instead of taking accountability for your own lack of. Then twisted the words to make them work for you!
I talk to my clients about the "what ifs" and the "should have been's" but the truth of the matter is... people are who they are. They put on these acts to overcompensate what they are not and they transpose their malintent behavior on the people they know that loves them and will tolerate their behavior. Their view on love is distorted often because of what they saw and or witness in their own home growing up. Violence and domestic abuse confuse so many and the games that are mindfully created in those closed walls distorts all views of what a healthy relationship is.
A woman will love a man for who he is and it will never be enough for the man that constantly seeks validation from others. He does not know how to be happy with himself or who he has. He sensationally looks outside the relationship for the extra ego boost needing someone else to look at him as if he ... has a real something to offer. His presence needs to be assured by some accolade to give him meaning and reason. Once the relationship is on his terms and conditions, the rules all change and his game is put into motion.
It took years of my own therapy for my PTSD and my life coaching studies to understand how easy it is to fall madly in love with a narcissist. They want the praise and the adornments with no attachments needed on their part! The conditions are repeated with whomever he is with... behavior does not change. The next woman eventually gets treated the same disrespect... and often worse as time goes on!
So for me to have written some wonderful endearing words it would have had to be sincere heartfelt actions that took place over a course of 8 years. Instead, I turned the following years learning what real love looks like and wrote off the nights I could not find an answer to. There is no answer to "How does someone treat someone so poorly and expect to be held in any regard but apathy?" How do people live with themselves knowing exactly the damage they caused? They know exactly what they did and how they did it!
The mind plays what the heart never forgets. We all have those moments that we compare and think what life would have looked liked. It is human nature to compare the haves to the have-nots, the should of, could of and should have been! Yes, we live a trickle-down effect and it affects us all!
One person's actions very much affect us. Especially if that person was close in proximity to the relationship. Each of our personal motives has such an impact on those around us at the time of ... understand the dynamics of "EFFECT AND CAUSE"
Revolving doors and a new person in that relationship guarantees nothing... Lessons in life are repeated til learned. If it happened before numerous times... it will happen again! That I do guarantee!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
Life and Business Coach
If you would like to learn how to recognize the signs and the patterns sign up for a Life Coaching session kitrynmarie@gmail.com
To see all my work please visit http://kitryn-marie.weebly.com
In a recent video I made, I briefly talk about we all come with baggage. How we choose to unpack that baggage is another story. Depending on the severity of certain situations it can carry with us the rest of our life. Hurt is hurt and damage is damage and there are somethings the mind never can comprehend especially when the act was deceitful and purposely intended to cause emotional harm to another for personal gain. It is hard to fathom why anyone would intentionally be so selfish. What really was the gain?
An email I received not too long ago, stated, "imagine what you could have written if the relationship was great?" My NOW reply, "yes think if you were not a cheat, did not have numerous women move in your house behind my back, did not constantly lie to me and emotionally abuse, take my love for granted and you did not feel the need to control my every move because you had no control over your own life? Just think what I could have written about? If the relationship was great! HELLO!! Seriously? A few great trips does not equate a real love story... poetically written.
Let me indulge for just a minute. Let me write out how this scenario would have looked if it was a truly great relationship? Starting with, if you would have come home and had no need to run around because you had someone at home giving everything she had to you and yours. Imagine if you could have really walked your talk the things you promised and you projected. (OUR life, The life that so many were incredibly jealous of.) Imagine what it would have looked like not to come home drunk and bait me into a fight. Imagine understanding my need to find my real niche and you to be supportive of my dreams. Imagine if you would have reached to me with tenderness instead of angry fist because I saw no need to hang out with addictive souls or to put up with you being drunk or children who were unappreciative and disrespectful! Imagine putting everything on the table and talking like real adults instead of you running off, not answering your phone having illicit affairs and sexual encounters with the likes of bar cheap tricks? Imagine being so proud of who you had and so thankful for the well put together package that God created that loved you unconditionally knowing it was never going to be easy because of your growing up environment. ( you are your father) Imagine working side by side in each other's work promoting each of our talents; marketing productive work, making real money never having to wait for an inheritance or a stroke of luck! Real life passion that had real drive towards the goal. Imagine having two houses to sell... each having an insurmountable amount of equity where a real dream house could have been bought? Imagine... hmmm, yes, think about all that I could have written? Imagine if you would have taken me to the hospital... you would have beat feet home to get me to the emergency room because that is what you do for the people you love. Imagine beaming with pride... because you loved so hard you could not even think of yourself? Imagine me writing about the wonderful way you emotionally took care of us. Instead of constant trolling internet dating sites and dive ass taverns... Imagine how it would have felt for you to finish a project that you started. How I could have bragged about what you did for us? Just imagine?
We spend a lifetime going over the what ifs? We play and play and then replay some more. I can't even fathom how a person can even expect to be given accolades over behavior so appalling. Yet a cowards actions runs away to find another instead of taking full responsibility for all the damage he caused. NO, you weren't looking to find yourself... you were looking for someone to fix your empty. You were looking for someone to pick up your slack because you had nothing else to fall back on... and although you portrayed this upstanding person to others, behind closed doors you were someone completely different. You place blame on the wrong person instead of taking accountability for your own lack of. Then twisted the words to make them work for you!
**************************************
I talk to my clients about the "what ifs" and the "should have been's" but the truth of the matter is... people are who they are. They put on these acts to overcompensate what they are not and they transpose their malintent behavior on the people they know that loves them and will tolerate their behavior. Their view on love is distorted often because of what they saw and or witness in their own home growing up. Violence and domestic abuse confuse so many and the games that are mindfully created in those closed walls distorts all views of what a healthy relationship is.
A woman will love a man for who he is and it will never be enough for the man that constantly seeks validation from others. He does not know how to be happy with himself or who he has. He sensationally looks outside the relationship for the extra ego boost needing someone else to look at him as if he ... has a real something to offer. His presence needs to be assured by some accolade to give him meaning and reason. Once the relationship is on his terms and conditions, the rules all change and his game is put into motion.
It took years of my own therapy for my PTSD and my life coaching studies to understand how easy it is to fall madly in love with a narcissist. They want the praise and the adornments with no attachments needed on their part! The conditions are repeated with whomever he is with... behavior does not change. The next woman eventually gets treated the same disrespect... and often worse as time goes on!
So for me to have written some wonderful endearing words it would have had to be sincere heartfelt actions that took place over a course of 8 years. Instead, I turned the following years learning what real love looks like and wrote off the nights I could not find an answer to. There is no answer to "How does someone treat someone so poorly and expect to be held in any regard but apathy?" How do people live with themselves knowing exactly the damage they caused? They know exactly what they did and how they did it!
The mind plays what the heart never forgets. We all have those moments that we compare and think what life would have looked liked. It is human nature to compare the haves to the have-nots, the should of, could of and should have been! Yes, we live a trickle-down effect and it affects us all!
One person's actions very much affect us. Especially if that person was close in proximity to the relationship. Each of our personal motives has such an impact on those around us at the time of ... understand the dynamics of "EFFECT AND CAUSE"
Revolving doors and a new person in that relationship guarantees nothing... Lessons in life are repeated til learned. If it happened before numerous times... it will happen again! That I do guarantee!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
Life and Business Coach
If you would like to learn how to recognize the signs and the patterns sign up for a Life Coaching session kitrynmarie@gmail.com
To see all my work please visit http://kitryn-marie.weebly.com
