We Are Shaped By The Experiences That Happen To Us
We are shaped by the experiences that happen to us. Our life defined and moved by the people, circumstance and the situations that find their way to each of our lives. What is meant to be always finds a way. There are no such things as coincidences... there are lessons and messages that we gain and typically learn from. Knowledge is brought forth by the actions that have taken place. How we choose to respond mostly depends on the experience dealt with the person to which we have had contact. Memories are made and the sentiments formed. The heart replays what the mind will never forget.
After my divorce in 1994, still grieving from my dad's death in 1992, My world torn apart. Now a single parent, Jason born 1985, Raechal born 1987, Not knowing any type of direction I was supposed to take. My dad was my anchor in spite of all his follies. I was numb not really feeling too much of anything... divorcing a man I should have never married but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. It was an escape. He was somebody new outside the crowd. I was completely sick of...the games that had been played from my grade school and high school love that I had just had my fill of it all. In retrospect, this was the motion that got that ball rolling on this course of anything but here! I often look back and think... reflect ... it seems a whole other life... a long time ago. We are shaped by experiences!
It is the picture in our head of how we think things are supposed to be that truly do screw us up! Only the luckiest of people get to have everything their way, the way they see it! One can only hope and wish and pray...Whats meant to be will find its way! The way you see something in the gray matter and in the minds third eye. Whoever said "you can't help who you fall in love with"... is a liar. That statement is a lie! You have that vision in your head, you know exactly what you are looking for! Sometimes blindly it is right in front of you and because you are so hell-bent on avoiding or on a constant search you overlook what was there the whole time.
Karma gladly steps in You reap what you sow. It is what is called the law of the universe and reminders are served often throughout that person's life.
What brings people together is still a mystery to me. As I have said there are no such things as coincidences. I want to say kismet happens and as things seem to progress somewhere along the lines it often goes to hell. Often the things that bring a person together is the exactly the thing that rips them apart. Then that person who had all their eggs in a basket has to piecemeal their life back together after it was completely shattered, destroyed. It is the vision in our head that truly screws us up!
As a teen and a young adult, I can not tell you the number of bars I had to go in to find my dad. (probably why I made such a good living at working in one! I learned to work the opposite side to my advantage!) For a young girl to enter a tavern to find her father inebriated and associating with the lesser of evil that shared the same misery is a sickness and an addiction. No child should have to witness the embarrassing behavior of a bunch of foul mouth alcoholics. The slurring of words and the fake commanderies it is quite the farce that has always left quite the impression. It is the sickest of behavior an addiction that takes hold because these people have no meaning to their life. They are sucked into the constant party mode... always needing a good time with no cause. It is the lack of responsibility or accountability that one needs to hide behind in order to feel human, to have some connection to something. It is the lowest of standards any human being can find themselves in. It is the experiences that shape our lives.
A 1979 graduate of Cleveland High School, moving from my grandparents home, my intention, I was going to live with my dad. He was my dad no matter what. I was a daddy's girl. Although he was very reluctant and adamant about me not moving in with him... my persistence and stubbornness were not going to let him get his way. My dad quit drinking cold turkey the day I graduated high school. By the time I had moved in with him... he was a crabby, sober man but yet a happy man that his daughter was there with him. Life would continue like that until I married in 1983.
Oh, there were quite a few moments and lessons dad taught about men and dating... he knew of my grade school/high school boyfriend, he'd laugh. He wasn't crazy about the man I was going to marry either and he made quite the consultation statement. "Well at least he doesn't drink, won't beat you and he won't cheat on you!" Bad behavior...Games he knew boys/men played... and I know for a fact, he would be rolling over in his grave knowing what has happened to me over the course of the last 8 years. He knew what he wanted for his daughter... and I knew the vision in my head. You don't tell a woman where to put her heart... any more than you can tell a man what to do!
The last 8 years of my life have been turned upside down. It is the experiences that happen that shape who we become. In spite of my past heartache, the abuse, the lies and the cheating... getting sick, being diagnosed with a chronic Leukemia, I am so proud of who I have become! I have found this voice for standing up for myself. I have found this strength about speaking up about this life that happened. I have become an entrepreneur with grand ideas for business. I am not having to live my life any longer with someone who thrives on living a substandard unhealthy lifestyle. It all has changed... it has become a whole other way of life, healthier and so much more happier!
I knew exactly who I picked. I knew exactly what the vision was in my head... but life has a way of altering the vision. Just as karma is served... it knows exactly when to step in. The law of the universe applies to all! You reap what you sow. You attract what you are. Mirror images... Alike attracts alike!
An officer and A Gentleman.... in the making!
Who knew on the other side of town, a blonde haired boy who spent much time with his grandparents as I. A product of wonderful parents... devout in Catholic faith doing what they felt best for their first born. (It is us firstborns that get to be the experimental for those that come after...) It is by far the best ever to be cared for by grandparents. It is like Disney land without all the rides but the fabulous places seen, lessons and stories told around a kitchen table that transports you to places like no other. This young influential boy learned and saw many examples of what life would look like. It was the experiences that would shape his life!
A soccer player, a baseball player, a football player and a rugby player. An all-around good, hard-working, stubborn have it his way kid, who worked in his family's tavern learning the ropes, breaking the rules and seeking ways to escape. This young man graduating high school in 1982 from CBC decided his life would be on other terms...his terms. Like all kids who think they know better, defying parents and like all parents having other visions for their child in spite of many disagreements, he did go onto college and only After a year of SEMO, a brief marriage and the birth of two boys, born Aug 1983 and Jan 1986 ... The military had found its way into his world. Choosing to become a United States Marine, following in his father's footsteps a 2-year veteran and his paternal grandfather who served in WW1. His maternal grandfather served in the Army across the Pacific WW2 and 2 Uncles that served in Vietnam.
He enlisted 1985 serving in the 1st gulf war, Making rank of Sargent not once but twice, Being in the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd division marine Corps. He was honorably discharged in 1996 from CampLejeune N.C.
Coming home went unprecedented making his way back to the states with no fanfare... he hid trying now to find his way back into civilian life knowing there would not be much need for a weaponry master. His choices limited and the thought of either becoming a fireman or becoming a plumber, the latter was the option at hand. The trade that he would mostly devout his talents too.
After my divorce in 1994, still grieving from my dad's death in 1992, My world torn apart. Now a single parent, Jason born 1985, Raechal born 1987, Not knowing any type of direction I was supposed to take. My dad was my anchor in spite of all his follies. I was numb not really feeling too much of anything... divorcing a man I should have never married but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. It was an escape. He was somebody new outside the crowd. I was completely sick of...the games that had been played from my grade school and high school love that I had just had my fill of it all. In retrospect, this was the motion that got that ball rolling on this course of anything but here! I often look back and think... reflect ... it seems a whole other life... a long time ago. We are shaped by experiences!
It is the picture in our head of how we think things are supposed to be that truly do screw us up! Only the luckiest of people get to have everything their way, the way they see it! One can only hope and wish and pray...Whats meant to be will find its way! The way you see something in the gray matter and in the minds third eye. Whoever said "you can't help who you fall in love with"... is a liar. That statement is a lie! You have that vision in your head, you know exactly what you are looking for! Sometimes blindly it is right in front of you and because you are so hell-bent on avoiding or on a constant search you overlook what was there the whole time.
Karma gladly steps in You reap what you sow. It is what is called the law of the universe and reminders are served often throughout that person's life.
What brings people together is still a mystery to me. As I have said there are no such things as coincidences. I want to say kismet happens and as things seem to progress somewhere along the lines it often goes to hell. Often the things that bring a person together is the exactly the thing that rips them apart. Then that person who had all their eggs in a basket has to piecemeal their life back together after it was completely shattered, destroyed. It is the vision in our head that truly screws us up!
As a teen and a young adult, I can not tell you the number of bars I had to go in to find my dad. (probably why I made such a good living at working in one! I learned to work the opposite side to my advantage!) For a young girl to enter a tavern to find her father inebriated and associating with the lesser of evil that shared the same misery is a sickness and an addiction. No child should have to witness the embarrassing behavior of a bunch of foul mouth alcoholics. The slurring of words and the fake commanderies it is quite the farce that has always left quite the impression. It is the sickest of behavior an addiction that takes hold because these people have no meaning to their life. They are sucked into the constant party mode... always needing a good time with no cause. It is the lack of responsibility or accountability that one needs to hide behind in order to feel human, to have some connection to something. It is the lowest of standards any human being can find themselves in. It is the experiences that shape our lives.
A 1979 graduate of Cleveland High School, moving from my grandparents home, my intention, I was going to live with my dad. He was my dad no matter what. I was a daddy's girl. Although he was very reluctant and adamant about me not moving in with him... my persistence and stubbornness were not going to let him get his way. My dad quit drinking cold turkey the day I graduated high school. By the time I had moved in with him... he was a crabby, sober man but yet a happy man that his daughter was there with him. Life would continue like that until I married in 1983.
Oh, there were quite a few moments and lessons dad taught about men and dating... he knew of my grade school/high school boyfriend, he'd laugh. He wasn't crazy about the man I was going to marry either and he made quite the consultation statement. "Well at least he doesn't drink, won't beat you and he won't cheat on you!" Bad behavior...Games he knew boys/men played... and I know for a fact, he would be rolling over in his grave knowing what has happened to me over the course of the last 8 years. He knew what he wanted for his daughter... and I knew the vision in my head. You don't tell a woman where to put her heart... any more than you can tell a man what to do!
The last 8 years of my life have been turned upside down. It is the experiences that happen that shape who we become. In spite of my past heartache, the abuse, the lies and the cheating... getting sick, being diagnosed with a chronic Leukemia, I am so proud of who I have become! I have found this voice for standing up for myself. I have found this strength about speaking up about this life that happened. I have become an entrepreneur with grand ideas for business. I am not having to live my life any longer with someone who thrives on living a substandard unhealthy lifestyle. It all has changed... it has become a whole other way of life, healthier and so much more happier!
I knew exactly who I picked. I knew exactly what the vision was in my head... but life has a way of altering the vision. Just as karma is served... it knows exactly when to step in. The law of the universe applies to all! You reap what you sow. You attract what you are. Mirror images... Alike attracts alike!
******************************************
An officer and A Gentleman.... in the making!
Who knew on the other side of town, a blonde haired boy who spent much time with his grandparents as I. A product of wonderful parents... devout in Catholic faith doing what they felt best for their first born. (It is us firstborns that get to be the experimental for those that come after...) It is by far the best ever to be cared for by grandparents. It is like Disney land without all the rides but the fabulous places seen, lessons and stories told around a kitchen table that transports you to places like no other. This young influential boy learned and saw many examples of what life would look like. It was the experiences that would shape his life!
A soccer player, a baseball player, a football player and a rugby player. An all-around good, hard-working, stubborn have it his way kid, who worked in his family's tavern learning the ropes, breaking the rules and seeking ways to escape. This young man graduating high school in 1982 from CBC decided his life would be on other terms...his terms. Like all kids who think they know better, defying parents and like all parents having other visions for their child in spite of many disagreements, he did go onto college and only After a year of SEMO, a brief marriage and the birth of two boys, born Aug 1983 and Jan 1986 ... The military had found its way into his world. Choosing to become a United States Marine, following in his father's footsteps a 2-year veteran and his paternal grandfather who served in WW1. His maternal grandfather served in the Army across the Pacific WW2 and 2 Uncles that served in Vietnam.
He enlisted 1985 serving in the 1st gulf war, Making rank of Sargent not once but twice, Being in the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd division marine Corps. He was honorably discharged in 1996 from CampLejeune N.C.
Coming home went unprecedented making his way back to the states with no fanfare... he hid trying now to find his way back into civilian life knowing there would not be much need for a weaponry master. His choices limited and the thought of either becoming a fireman or becoming a plumber, the latter was the option at hand. The trade that he would mostly devout his talents too.
*************************************
By the time I met this man 2011, I was bartending, beaten by life, weathered by circumstance... it was a mystical type union. I like to think of it as two souls recognizing one another from possibly another lifetime. A heaven sent from a past grandparent that had doted on. It was kind of an instant... connection, an automatic friendship. When you have 2 souls that have been downtrodden with life and horrible experiences that had happened it does not make for a perfect union. Although I did see something in him, that he had forgotten about himself and the super sleuth I am... I pried into every nook and cranny of his brain and life to his dismay! To this day... The look in his eyes when he speaks about his kids... the mix between remorse and pride for 2 amazing sons that he loves... from afar because he does not know how to reconnect. Parents he adores... wondering where he now fits in. Siblings, a niece and a nephew, he can not say enough good things about and every one of his grandchildren that makes his heart swell beyond a capacity he never knew existed. Oh and the anger he felt once towards me for pushing so damn hard... ( I laugh now because boy has tables turned! Karma!!! LOL) I do not make it easy!
It was this person I confided every detail to what had happened to me, he knows it all... EVERYTHING! (After years of a friendship, several years of his disappearance and a return, only as of Aug of 2017 we have become this on and off official couple with many obstacles that we are overcoming.) It is the experiences that shape who we are! This man with the bluest eyes, the whitest hair who had the worst of habits! The heart knows something even before the mind catches up! I wonder who needed saving the most? I think of Rhiannon's song... Stay. I can say so much has changed for both our lives. He quit smoking Feb of this year. His bar life has almost completely diminished and when we are out... it's a 2-3 beer limit. We walk the trail. We have a Boxer, Bruce! He plans to start running again... He is getting back in shape. He has lost weight and we eat healthy... other than when he "frequents" Crown Candy. (for me) We work on projects in my house... because its the foreground to a future that we are yet to see. It's a slow progress trying to find a mutual ground... when the past had never offered either of us nothing but grief...it has become about trust, trust growing as a team and trust that will equate to a love of another kind.
Oh, let's wrap this baby up! (Movies are made of this stuff)
Life decides who is going to show up and stay. Life decides who is going to be the one. Life decides who is best for who in spite of some ridiculous ex's that made our lives a living hell... Lucky for us and how time decides and proves what is meant to be.
Over the last few years I have clearly stated into the universe, I only want honorable, loyal, and worthy in my life. That is all I will accept at this point in my life. There is no room for anything else! I am not an easy person at times to love so much has happened and for a broken woman to trust and see the wonderful in another man is nothing but short of a miracle. The vision I hold is so high and to have someone completely understand what I see and how I see it... again another miracle! He gets it! He sees it! He wants it! Yes, my dad is rolling over in his grave. He is saying finally! and finally, someone has caught the biggest fish since his death! I'm sure its a sign!
We are shaped by the experiences that happen to us. Our life defined and moved by the people, circumstance and the situations that find their way to each of our lives. What is meant to be always finds a way. There are no such things as coincidences... there are lessons and messages that we gain and typically learn from. Knowledge is brought forth by the actions that have taken place. How we choose to respond mostly depends on the experience dealt with the person to which we have had contact. Memories are made and the sentiments formed. The heart will always replay what the mind never wants to forget.
Only the luckiest of people get to have everything their way, the way they see it! One can only hope and wish and pray...Whats meant to be will find its way! The way you see something in the gray matter and in the minds third eye... You have that vision in your head, you know exactly what you are looking for! Sometimes blindly it is right in front of you and because you are so hell-bent on avoiding or on a constant search you overlook what was there the whole time.
Its been quite the story in the making! Thanks, Agnes... (You would have loved me!)
Meet Me In St. Louis
Kitryn Marie
Sargent Matthew R. Rolf
