Ode to Mothers
I can not think back to a time when I did not want to be a mom. There is no greater gift and joy. Oftentimes cumbersome caught between heart and mind and the choices one has to make. If you think about it, you are who you are, by that woman, that one matriarch type that molded your emotional and mental state in your earliest of years. Whether it be your actual mother, it is the woman who cared for you the most, that instilled your beginnings. that will forever bring forefront, the word...MOM to mind.
After the death of mom in 1968 there were no questions on who would step in and take over. My mom's mother stepped right in never missing a beat. Effortlessly self-less she picked up pieces of overwhelming emotion cared and loved my sister and me while grieving at a capacity I don't think we will ever really know. There was no other way in her eyes to see it and or any other way it was to be had! Although I would always refer to her as gram somewhere in the back of my mind I always knew once a mom always a mom, the child's face may change but the sentiment and regard the same: the keeper of the hearts. It was her shield that protected ours!
We all have this visionary picture in our mind what a mother is to look like. We can thank TV for giving us June Cleaver, Carol Brady, Shirley Partridge, Sophia Petrillo(Golden Girls) and now Beverly Goldberg (the Goldbergs)and Bo Johnson (Black-ish) to name a few, the matriarchs of modern wholesome sitcom. It is the example of these women that some wish they could have been or now even aspire to be. The bottom line is mamma is gonna love you know matter what... but lessons, oh the lessons you need to first be taught. I'd like to think for myself I was caught somewhere between June, Carol and Shirley although my kids might say I probably most represent Beverly Goldberg leaning heavily towards Sophia Petrillo. (Oh this mouth of mine!)
Sadly thru some crazy eventful moments, there are those daughters/sons without mothers, that look for that motherly type to cling. I can say for quite a few years, the 2 I tried my very best to give love and step in and be what they never had. It was quite the challenge never receiving the backing from the parent that was present. Adding them to my mix was a breeze, my children and I gladly accepted his. I included the 2 in everything we did but those girls never having a real family dynamic, it was mostly protested with some attitude and each time met with discord. The absent mother that was bad mouthed in front of those kids (by the other) and the heartache they felt was never properly discussed and or dealt with and each time we were all to gather sadly it was a failure in the making. Those children felt the pang of being taken/kept away from their mother and although in the father's eye a way to protect them, the truth be told it was not for their benefit but for his. it wasn't about them, it was about him! The loss of a mother in any capacity is a travesty and for the person willing to step in a be what they never had is a term of endearment that forever makes a mark on that woman's heart! She is the keeper of the hearts! (By proxy those were my kids too whether any of them want to see it for what it really was!) A shield to protect their heart!
It is the child that has lost their mother that makes them question life and mostly question what their ability to be a mom/parent will be. As they have children they will look back and reflect on how certain situations of their own were dealt with. A maternal instinct is often stronger than what a child is yet to know and motherless daughters have this void in their heart and only when they have children of their own they come to terms with this loss much harder. To look into your child's eyes and imagine you are not present in theirs is devastating.
The child that's mother and or any parent that is drug or alcohol addicted, they learn to become their own parent. Often times becoming both mother and father. They rely only on themselves for all of their needs to be met. If siblings, they co-parent each other. They may gravitate towards a solid figure but they raise themselves becoming defiant and distant. Trust is and always will be an issue. The parent they needed to be dependent on in the time of their need was never present or worse, all the promises made and never kept... those moments stay etched in their minds and they stay arm's length to any kind of attachment. The idea of becoming a mother/parent is confusing because they have no frame of reference. Ironically if not acknowledged when they have children, it becomes a repeat cycle.
Then we have the effects of the child who has seen their mother being beaten The mother who is trying to protect not only her life but her children. The child that grows up with that type of domestic abuse develops coping skills and imagines this life of wonder and awe and vows that when they have children it will be different. The daughter that grew up with a father who had a heavy hand... She will become this soft, mild-mannered over loving mother. Her reflection towards her children will be a gentle approach because in her mind she is determined to bring wonder and awe to her offspring. To be a loving parent and to give this soft unconditional approach is next to being heaven sent.
For the child who has watched the death of their mother, (or any parent) all of a sudden you realize you are no longer a child (and that is at any age) while factually you still are the parent's child... matter of factly tho you are now not. Everything that person represented to you will flash before your eyes. Every nook and cranny of your life will rush forward and everything you thought you knew about your mother, you really don't. The person that was there for you all the time and sacrificed her dreams and notions had just that... a vision to what life would have looked like for her before you entered into hers!
I remember, as a little girl watching a Baby Tender Love commercial. You know the one where someone leaves a baby in a basket on a doorstep, and someone opens the door and they pick up this baby doll and they immediately love this tiny being. I would think, how does someone leave a baby on a doorstep? How does someone just leave their child? How does a child so tiny get abandoned? I knew at that moment I wanted to be a mom. I knew I would be what I did not have! ( I was 6 yrs old and my sister was 3 years old when mom passed)
I am blessed, and although my kids Jason, 33, Raechal, 30 and Tyler 17, they don't quite get it yet, everything I have ever done in this life has and is for them. Yes, I am as unconventional as they come. I was caught in that generation between going to work or staying at home. I refused to leave. I did not want them to ever know what it was like not to have their mom around. Our house was always filled with kids. I became the surrogate to many of their friends. My door was always open and the car shuttled many! To be a mom is the greatest gift and joy and I would not change one iota of my "MOMNESS" Jason once asked me, " How did you know what to do with us? You had no mom." Once a mom always a mom, the child's face may change but the sentiment and regard the same: the keeper of the hearts. It was my shield that protected theirs!
I knew what to do by instinct and I knew how to love. I knew what gram had taught and knew exactly with wonder and awe how I was to do it!
So for those that still have your mother, cherish them, love them and ask them questions about their life. Ask them about the aspirations they had before you came along. Watch their eyes light up as they tell you why they chose the path they did!
And for those waiting to become mothers, stop and think and reflect on the matriarch in your life. Who is it the most that you would want to emulate? Would it be June, Carol, Shirley, Sophia, Beverly or Bo? Is it your own mother a favorite aunt, the person who stepped in etc etc...
God knows all of our seasons. God gives us exactly the CHILDREN we are meant to have in our lives for the right reasons. The bottom line is mamma is gonna love you know matter what... but lessons, oh the lessons you need to first be taught There are lessons... and reasons for life to be given over and over and over!
Happy Mothers Day!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
After the death of mom in 1968 there were no questions on who would step in and take over. My mom's mother stepped right in never missing a beat. Effortlessly self-less she picked up pieces of overwhelming emotion cared and loved my sister and me while grieving at a capacity I don't think we will ever really know. There was no other way in her eyes to see it and or any other way it was to be had! Although I would always refer to her as gram somewhere in the back of my mind I always knew once a mom always a mom, the child's face may change but the sentiment and regard the same: the keeper of the hearts. It was her shield that protected ours!
We all have this visionary picture in our mind what a mother is to look like. We can thank TV for giving us June Cleaver, Carol Brady, Shirley Partridge, Sophia Petrillo(Golden Girls) and now Beverly Goldberg (the Goldbergs)and Bo Johnson (Black-ish) to name a few, the matriarchs of modern wholesome sitcom. It is the example of these women that some wish they could have been or now even aspire to be. The bottom line is mamma is gonna love you know matter what... but lessons, oh the lessons you need to first be taught. I'd like to think for myself I was caught somewhere between June, Carol and Shirley although my kids might say I probably most represent Beverly Goldberg leaning heavily towards Sophia Petrillo. (Oh this mouth of mine!)
Sadly thru some crazy eventful moments, there are those daughters/sons without mothers, that look for that motherly type to cling. I can say for quite a few years, the 2 I tried my very best to give love and step in and be what they never had. It was quite the challenge never receiving the backing from the parent that was present. Adding them to my mix was a breeze, my children and I gladly accepted his. I included the 2 in everything we did but those girls never having a real family dynamic, it was mostly protested with some attitude and each time met with discord. The absent mother that was bad mouthed in front of those kids (by the other) and the heartache they felt was never properly discussed and or dealt with and each time we were all to gather sadly it was a failure in the making. Those children felt the pang of being taken/kept away from their mother and although in the father's eye a way to protect them, the truth be told it was not for their benefit but for his. it wasn't about them, it was about him! The loss of a mother in any capacity is a travesty and for the person willing to step in a be what they never had is a term of endearment that forever makes a mark on that woman's heart! She is the keeper of the hearts! (By proxy those were my kids too whether any of them want to see it for what it really was!) A shield to protect their heart!
It is the child that has lost their mother that makes them question life and mostly question what their ability to be a mom/parent will be. As they have children they will look back and reflect on how certain situations of their own were dealt with. A maternal instinct is often stronger than what a child is yet to know and motherless daughters have this void in their heart and only when they have children of their own they come to terms with this loss much harder. To look into your child's eyes and imagine you are not present in theirs is devastating.
The child that's mother and or any parent that is drug or alcohol addicted, they learn to become their own parent. Often times becoming both mother and father. They rely only on themselves for all of their needs to be met. If siblings, they co-parent each other. They may gravitate towards a solid figure but they raise themselves becoming defiant and distant. Trust is and always will be an issue. The parent they needed to be dependent on in the time of their need was never present or worse, all the promises made and never kept... those moments stay etched in their minds and they stay arm's length to any kind of attachment. The idea of becoming a mother/parent is confusing because they have no frame of reference. Ironically if not acknowledged when they have children, it becomes a repeat cycle.
Then we have the effects of the child who has seen their mother being beaten The mother who is trying to protect not only her life but her children. The child that grows up with that type of domestic abuse develops coping skills and imagines this life of wonder and awe and vows that when they have children it will be different. The daughter that grew up with a father who had a heavy hand... She will become this soft, mild-mannered over loving mother. Her reflection towards her children will be a gentle approach because in her mind she is determined to bring wonder and awe to her offspring. To be a loving parent and to give this soft unconditional approach is next to being heaven sent.
For the child who has watched the death of their mother, (or any parent) all of a sudden you realize you are no longer a child (and that is at any age) while factually you still are the parent's child... matter of factly tho you are now not. Everything that person represented to you will flash before your eyes. Every nook and cranny of your life will rush forward and everything you thought you knew about your mother, you really don't. The person that was there for you all the time and sacrificed her dreams and notions had just that... a vision to what life would have looked like for her before you entered into hers!
I remember, as a little girl watching a Baby Tender Love commercial. You know the one where someone leaves a baby in a basket on a doorstep, and someone opens the door and they pick up this baby doll and they immediately love this tiny being. I would think, how does someone leave a baby on a doorstep? How does someone just leave their child? How does a child so tiny get abandoned? I knew at that moment I wanted to be a mom. I knew I would be what I did not have! ( I was 6 yrs old and my sister was 3 years old when mom passed)
I am blessed, and although my kids Jason, 33, Raechal, 30 and Tyler 17, they don't quite get it yet, everything I have ever done in this life has and is for them. Yes, I am as unconventional as they come. I was caught in that generation between going to work or staying at home. I refused to leave. I did not want them to ever know what it was like not to have their mom around. Our house was always filled with kids. I became the surrogate to many of their friends. My door was always open and the car shuttled many! To be a mom is the greatest gift and joy and I would not change one iota of my "MOMNESS" Jason once asked me, " How did you know what to do with us? You had no mom." Once a mom always a mom, the child's face may change but the sentiment and regard the same: the keeper of the hearts. It was my shield that protected theirs!
I knew what to do by instinct and I knew how to love. I knew what gram had taught and knew exactly with wonder and awe how I was to do it!
So for those that still have your mother, cherish them, love them and ask them questions about their life. Ask them about the aspirations they had before you came along. Watch their eyes light up as they tell you why they chose the path they did!
And for those waiting to become mothers, stop and think and reflect on the matriarch in your life. Who is it the most that you would want to emulate? Would it be June, Carol, Shirley, Sophia, Beverly or Bo? Is it your own mother a favorite aunt, the person who stepped in etc etc...
God knows all of our seasons. God gives us exactly the CHILDREN we are meant to have in our lives for the right reasons. The bottom line is mamma is gonna love you know matter what... but lessons, oh the lessons you need to first be taught There are lessons... and reasons for life to be given over and over and over!
Happy Mothers Day!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
