What's Love Got To Do With It?
Can you imagine what it feels like to stand on the edge and leap into the unknown? Can you imagine what it feels like to have your heart beating so fast you can not catch your breath? Can you imagine everything you ever dreamed of having with that certain someone in your life, that you have longed for?
So it would seem that is what we base love on...
I often wonder what would happen if we did not base the concept of love on a feeling or an emotion. How in control would be about our decisions on choosing a mate? How would our life vary and differ if we chose based on other factors? One would have to ask, "What's love got to do with it?" Have we not yet learned why we choose the way we do and who are influencers have been on this nothing new topic?
We are products of our environment... look at how your folks or any coupled adult who had any part in your life acted towards each other. We all learn from what we see... and as adults, we mimic what we know! The patterns we stay stuck in are the way we were taught and we choose what is "comfortable and familiar."
I came from a generation that said, " find someone to love you more than you love them and let them take care of you and provide for you! Be happy with the choice that someone wants for you and make the best of it!" As if no one had any kind of a say so and two people met and kinda agreed on a position they would take because society at large said: "this is how to do things". It was also said," if the man could provide he would be a good choice." Well as we all know now in this year of 2018 that is not always the case... and the words freedom and being tied down are oxymorons.
Yet it seems we all still to continue to choose our mates all for the wrong reasons and I really marvel at all the couples that have been married over 25 years or the ones that are still willing to take the deathly plunge into "I do." (I thought I did but no not really I don't.)
Love is a 2-way street... You have to be willing to value that person more than you value your space. There has to be respect towards the others independent thoughts but still, have value in thoughts and plans made together. It isn't always 50/50! It shouldn't though in any situation compromise who you are nor should you have to shrink yourself to accommodate the other person needs or behavior... to modify the relationship!
People make huge mistakes with later regrets...thinking people will change to become the ideal version of what you want. We often settle for fear of being alone or not being able to "afford" the cost of living on your own. Creating a suffocating environment...not conducive to a healthy relationship! NO ONE SHOULD FEEL STUCK WITH NO OPTIONS OR CHOICES in any relationship, there are always choices... even after the deadly I do's. You still have choices!
Compatibility is a must with LIKE-MINDED behavior and similar interest...with separate identities, individual hobbies, friends, and other interest that keep one interesting. You are not responsible for entertaining your partner at all times nor should you be glued to him/her at the hip... but that hip should not wander too far. (You still are in that committed partnership.) And it is the like-minded interest that keeps you doing things together!
Its the compatibility thing that makes me ponder the issue. What is the compatibility factor? A great conversationalist, an exercise enthusiast, an avid book reader, a wine or pizza connoisseur, someone who makes you gut wrench laugh, someone who takes pride in their appearance and their personal hygiene goes above and beyond... scaping the parts of the body that will be seen or touched? Is it the way they cook or the way they keep their personal space/home? Is there an interest in animals and the commitment and cost to the herd at hand? What if the person doesn't like to talk? Where minimal conversation is ever had and you have to second guess??? Are there friends? His friends, her friends... mutual friends and does everyone get along? What about sport teams and political candidates, similar faiths, and tolerable family members? Tell me what is the compatibility factor? What is it that you are looking for in the compatibility factor that would make you want to plunge?
Passion wanes... but if it is not, in the beginning, it will never be! Sexual chemistry is just that! The desire to madly love/lust after someone and to make love to someone because the attraction is so strong the chemistry cannot be denied. It is a scientific fact, Bodies and biological functions change...but intimacy should never dwindle. If passion doesn't exist... On some level you should not be where you are!!! Yes, the "sex factor" changes, it is a given, although if it is not in the top 3 of the relationship equation, you are not with the right person. Work often does get in the way and most people are tired, we live a run, run and run life and as we age the bones ache but it should never be an excuse for why there is no lovemaking. When there is no sexual activity of any kind on a consensual basis... admit it you have a roommate! Not a significant other! No reason to call it a romantic relationship. So now you would have to ask yourself, "why am I here?"
Sure you can be very good friends and even best friends with the person you are involved with but when in that committed romantic love type relationship there better be more... than just holding hands and a showing together in a public place to prove to self you have someone! If you are not able to keep the relationship in a healthy status for the sake of loving that person in his or her entirety... just stop with the pretenses and go be single... or go get a dog for companionship! (yes harsh!)
If what you have to offer doesn't make yourself happy... trust me the other person is not going to be happy either! If you don't like who you are as a person at whole... again the other person is not going to like you either.
I have seen so many couples stay stuck in situations because they have outgrown what they use to know... grounded in a miserable comfort zone.There is nothing left in the relationship except shared realty property and bank accounts. I have seen people come together just for the sake of never knowing how to be alone... and they pick the same type person over and over doing the same thing thinking they are going to end up with a different outcome.
If you would like to learn more about "What's Love Got to Do With It?" On Wed, Feb 14th at Mystic Valley in Maplewood Mo. I am instructing a LAW OF ATTRACTION class on how to attract what is really meant for you in your Love Life! How to find and choose a healthy relationship. Call to RSVP your space w payment $35.00 by Feb 11th .... Call 314 645 3336 and ask for a detailed supply list.
Love is never easy and it really depends on what you are willing to exchange for that "til death do us part" of your life! The gives and the takes have to be for the right reasons... with the right person and not just for the sake of!
Can you imagine what it feels like to stand on the edge and leap into the unknown? Can you imagine what it feels like to have your heart beating so fast you can not catch your breath? Can you imagine everything you ever dreamed of having with that certain someone in your life, that you have longed for?
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
