The Money Story
What is it about money? What is it about that green piece of paper that says it is worth some valuable amount? What is it about that paper currency that has passed through the hands of many, one of the dirtiest pieces of exchange you will every touch? What is it about that legal tender that sits in your wallet, or in a drawer or in a bank that at times brings you joy or makes you terribly sick? We all have a money story and why we feel the way we do about it!
When it comes to money, I am so discombobulated. I like when I earn it. I love when I have lots of it! I like when I can stash some of it...I'm more than ok when I am able to give it away... I dislike when I have to stretch it. (although I have become very good at being frugal and making it work for me!) I dislike when I don't have enough. I hate when I have to borrow! And I loathe when someone offers to give any! ( I get this horrible ache in the pit of my stomach. That sinking feeling like I did something so wrong)
My money story is so messed up but as I have said time and time again, we are products of our environment and the way our folks thought about money is how we were taught the value of it! Literally, the influence money has and the way it fluctuates in all our lives is the correlation to how we grew up and understanding the value of it.
I do not want to be a kept woman. That is a pretty bold statement. We have a world of takers and givers... and I am NOT A TAKER! and I openly admit there are times I need so bad, that I have no choice but to accept the help. The act of taking money from someone to help me seriously makes me physically sick. It goes against everything I believe! It goes against what I was taught and what was put upon me...
My dad as a child was dirt poor a product of the depression, he grew up with nothing!!!! He often would tell the story of laying on the dirt floor in his root cellar where jars of canned goods graced the shelves. A radio and a wood stove stoked for warmth... was the luxury in his house. Clothes that handed down or from the goodwill that was never his size. Shoes either too big or too small was what he had to wear. Coming from an alcoholic family, any money that was to be had was spent on the frolick of adults... often leaving the kids without. Aunts that were promiscuous earning what they could from the likes of any man showing an interest. My dad's claim to fame story, he was asked to sing "Mademoiselle" at his 8th-grade graduation on stage in front of the whole assembly. He needed a suit. Waiting until the last minute with no money his mom ran to the thrift store purchasing a suit too small and sleeves that were too short. Embarrassed by his appearance and awkward as any kid who sings on a stage, got up on stage, in front of the school auditorium and sang. The crowd exploded in applause... and they asked for an encore! My dad, a gangly boy touched by sentiment even into his adulthood never knowing if they really liked the way he sang... or if they were just taking pity on his disheveled appearance bravely fronting an unknown audience.
He then would continue with, he was drafted into the service not finishing high school in 1953ish as he made his way to Frankfurt Germany. His tour of service was coming at the end of the Korean War. His station an army cook that fed many. A position that offered its military perks and some additional pay. The money he had made was sent home to his mother who was supposed to be saving it for him for when he would return to the states. He played and made the best of his years in the service. Seeing the sights of Europe as Europe was becoming the playground for the rich. Upon returning to the states though to his dismay, his money was not saved for him but spent by his mother and the aunts that frolicked. Angry, disappointed and thoroughly broke, he took a job as a truck driver working for Dr. Pepper and then later taking a job for Associated Groceries. He learned the hard way... You make every penny count and you save every dime you can and YOU DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY! EVER!!!!
Sadly by-product of environment my dad too, became a little too attached to alcohol and while my mom was still alive he became a high functioning alcoholic becoming a work-acholic hiding behind his job but after moms death in 1968, many times thru life he found himself without... scrimping and scrounging so he could indulge. He clung to every penny he ever had!
My money story continues, see when you are growing up and you are needing things where else are you supposed to go but to your parent. My grandma and grandpa barely got by as it was. (they raised my sister and me after moms death) My grandpa a small business owner feeding not only his family but his sibling's families also. Asking my dad for money was pure torture. The backlash and the berating of asking for something were so unbearable I would have panic attacks. God forbid he would give my grandma 20.00 here and there ... I was made to feel so bad. I would crumble, It would make me so sick to my stomach.
Getting by as a teenager was just that... getting by. By the time I was 16, I was so anxiety ridden, it was really difficult to leave the house for fear of the unknown... for anything could happen! (conditioned for the worse) I would work here and there ... part-time and for a short time was given my mom's social security benefit. Dad had been using it to survive. So when I went to apply for it... the wrath of Kahn was what I got! How dare I take that from him! I had to make my money stretch so I would never have to ask for a thing. I learned if I didn't have the money. I really didn't need it! And I came accustomed to going without!
Ironically years after my dad stopped abusing alcohol, he was at his lowest point, barely working part time hardly getting by... living on next to nothing, a huge snow storm came (actually 36 years ago this month) and by the grace of god, a natural disaster occurred and our home was destroyed... and his insurance on the house paid big! And as he would say later to me, on a day fishing trip, " Fate can turn on a dime. You don't know what is going to happen but at that given moment you need to know which side of that coin you are going to be on."
After I was married and had children, as all young couples with children, you learn the hard way and often there was not enough money to go around. My at the time husband did not make a lot of money and I was a stay at home mom. In an absolute necessity on occasion, I would have to go to my dad and ask for help! I would have been better off cutting off my hand then asking him for assistance... The lecture that would come with the help making me feel so bad would make me literally shrink... the panic and anxiety would set in so bad, I wouldn't want to eat. I would be reminded time and time again. He was not responsible for providing for me... "I had a husband, how dare he not provide for his own kids. If I wanted something I needed to go to work because no one gets a handout!"
Throughout those years dad invested his money, bought land and lived a minimal lifestyle saving every dime he had never letting any of his money go! He had such a control issue over his money all going back to "his money story" as a child. My dad died in 1992, a short illness that took his life at the age of 59. He got sick Jan 92, was diagnosed with liver cancer, May of 92, retired June of 92, Turned 59 in July 92, We took a family trip Aug 92 and after returning 2 weeks to the day... he died in Sept of 1992. Sadly he could not take any of his money with him and the guilt associated with all that money was now left with me!
My money story continues, I have always worked part time making my money stretch. I still live a very minimal life. There are times I go without and I do everything in my absolute power to make everything I have stretch. I have this aversion to money and the feelings I have associated with money, it often sends me into this zone. It is enough as a creative minded person to multi-task jobs but the person who is also creative finds amazing ways to be financially savvy and frugal. Ridiculously to the point where I often find myself reusing tin foil... yep that is insane! I have made a game out of stretching meals, clothes, gas, change... just to make ends meet. I still have a part-time gig with a small income and when things are rolling in my business it very much offsets the months I have gone without! I plug along and think and remind myself this is temporary. The only constant in our life is "change". There are peaks and valleys and one must adjust the mind accordingly. Some years better than others but when you learn the art of juggling and finance... You somehow come out ok!
Also, after the crash of the economy of 2008 when everyone was losing everything. I was involved with this person who constantly said, " you are looking for someone to take care of you!" You don't want to work" You think you live on Candy Cane Lane" "I am not going to provide for you." And ironically after my house was going into foreclosure and my car was being repossessed, (which by the way I was making the payments, the car loan place held onto the payments making it look like I was delinquent so they could take back the vehicle. It was the game of the lenders of that time) I had to go to the guy asking for the money to get my vehicle back. It was like asking my dad! The brash comments that came with that lashing were horrible. I felt bad enough as it was... my world was crashing all around me and this is what I got from the man I was involved with? His words continued with, "well you better tell everyone I helped you. You never tell anyone all the things I do for you!" At that moment there were no words for me to say... If a person is to help you under any circumstances, are they helping because they really want to help or are they helping because they are playing the martyr and they make it about them to suit their selfish ego? Things to make them feel good about themselves!?
I think from that moment on it became almost inconsolable for me to ask for help... If one more person was to make me feel bad over money, I was going to go without or figure it out all on my own. I realized I am not a taker! I do not want to be a kept woman! I am responsible for me, my house, my son and my pets! Although that does not go without saying I have had some help and too other times we have gone without.
In most recent, the wonderful person I had been involved with kindly had offered his assistance in helping me get me over a hurdle. It did not though come with great emotional pain on my part. That same sick feeling of needing help... I have a horrible time accepting help when I know I am capable of doing it all on my own. It is my "money story" My stubborn pride will no longer take the help... and as things are at a stall in my money situation... I have to forgo what I am dealing with on my own until I get to where I want to be... AGAIN! Tides rise and this ship is not going to sink...
Let me backtrack for just a moment. When my dad passed away in 1992, he left my sister and I a small inheritance. $15000,00. was my portion. He had it securely in money markets. I removed the money and repositioned it in mutual funds,,, investing in that time in the utility companies. I took a small portion of that money and invested it in stock. After purchasing that stock, it was bought in by someone else and the stock split and I doubled my investment. After 3 mos of doing what I was doing my money doubled. I went from 15,000. to 30,000. I took some of that money and put into a high yielding interest account where I received a payout monthly providing an income. The other money sat in a mutual fund for 15 years. I used every bit of my inheritance to take care of my children, vacation 2ce a year and so on so forth. I worked part-time in 1995-97 waitressing pulling in 900.00 a week on 4 days. Yes here we are 2018 and money does not come in like it use to or do I have a cushion... but from my lips to God's ears, this will happen again. I have a plan... and I am sticking to it!
Every step of the way is just a stone to another path. You never stop traveling the journey. Whether you have a dime or not!
See we all have a money story! We all act a certain way because of the way we were raised about the belief of that tender. There are tricks to every trade... there are peaks and valleys and the way you come to feel about money is actually a learning curve that you can use to your advantage or not. My situation is always temporary... Fate does turn on a dime! I know what side of this coin I am going to be on. I promise!
If you would like to learn more about how your money story effects you, sign up for my life and biz coaching sessions https://kitryn-marie.weebly.com/inner-circle-coaching-group-for-women.html and or if you are needing to tweak the way you look at your life, take one of my vision board classes. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/law-of-attraction-create-a-vision-board-tickets-59169410299 To see all of my work and to learn more about me visit http://kitryn-marie.weebly.com or visit http://kmgraphicandart.weebly.com
I hope this story helps you to identify something in your current life money story! As always, until I write again...
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
The aphorism "a rising tide lifts all boats" is associated with the idea that improvements in the general economy will benefit all participants in that economy, and that economic policy, particularly government economic policy, should therefore focus on the general macroeconomic environment first and foremost.
When it comes to money, I am so discombobulated. I like when I earn it. I love when I have lots of it! I like when I can stash some of it...I'm more than ok when I am able to give it away... I dislike when I have to stretch it. (although I have become very good at being frugal and making it work for me!) I dislike when I don't have enough. I hate when I have to borrow! And I loathe when someone offers to give any! ( I get this horrible ache in the pit of my stomach. That sinking feeling like I did something so wrong)
My money story is so messed up but as I have said time and time again, we are products of our environment and the way our folks thought about money is how we were taught the value of it! Literally, the influence money has and the way it fluctuates in all our lives is the correlation to how we grew up and understanding the value of it.
I do not want to be a kept woman. That is a pretty bold statement. We have a world of takers and givers... and I am NOT A TAKER! and I openly admit there are times I need so bad, that I have no choice but to accept the help. The act of taking money from someone to help me seriously makes me physically sick. It goes against everything I believe! It goes against what I was taught and what was put upon me...
My dad as a child was dirt poor a product of the depression, he grew up with nothing!!!! He often would tell the story of laying on the dirt floor in his root cellar where jars of canned goods graced the shelves. A radio and a wood stove stoked for warmth... was the luxury in his house. Clothes that handed down or from the goodwill that was never his size. Shoes either too big or too small was what he had to wear. Coming from an alcoholic family, any money that was to be had was spent on the frolick of adults... often leaving the kids without. Aunts that were promiscuous earning what they could from the likes of any man showing an interest. My dad's claim to fame story, he was asked to sing "Mademoiselle" at his 8th-grade graduation on stage in front of the whole assembly. He needed a suit. Waiting until the last minute with no money his mom ran to the thrift store purchasing a suit too small and sleeves that were too short. Embarrassed by his appearance and awkward as any kid who sings on a stage, got up on stage, in front of the school auditorium and sang. The crowd exploded in applause... and they asked for an encore! My dad, a gangly boy touched by sentiment even into his adulthood never knowing if they really liked the way he sang... or if they were just taking pity on his disheveled appearance bravely fronting an unknown audience.
He then would continue with, he was drafted into the service not finishing high school in 1953ish as he made his way to Frankfurt Germany. His tour of service was coming at the end of the Korean War. His station an army cook that fed many. A position that offered its military perks and some additional pay. The money he had made was sent home to his mother who was supposed to be saving it for him for when he would return to the states. He played and made the best of his years in the service. Seeing the sights of Europe as Europe was becoming the playground for the rich. Upon returning to the states though to his dismay, his money was not saved for him but spent by his mother and the aunts that frolicked. Angry, disappointed and thoroughly broke, he took a job as a truck driver working for Dr. Pepper and then later taking a job for Associated Groceries. He learned the hard way... You make every penny count and you save every dime you can and YOU DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY! EVER!!!!
Sadly by-product of environment my dad too, became a little too attached to alcohol and while my mom was still alive he became a high functioning alcoholic becoming a work-acholic hiding behind his job but after moms death in 1968, many times thru life he found himself without... scrimping and scrounging so he could indulge. He clung to every penny he ever had!
My money story continues, see when you are growing up and you are needing things where else are you supposed to go but to your parent. My grandma and grandpa barely got by as it was. (they raised my sister and me after moms death) My grandpa a small business owner feeding not only his family but his sibling's families also. Asking my dad for money was pure torture. The backlash and the berating of asking for something were so unbearable I would have panic attacks. God forbid he would give my grandma 20.00 here and there ... I was made to feel so bad. I would crumble, It would make me so sick to my stomach.
Getting by as a teenager was just that... getting by. By the time I was 16, I was so anxiety ridden, it was really difficult to leave the house for fear of the unknown... for anything could happen! (conditioned for the worse) I would work here and there ... part-time and for a short time was given my mom's social security benefit. Dad had been using it to survive. So when I went to apply for it... the wrath of Kahn was what I got! How dare I take that from him! I had to make my money stretch so I would never have to ask for a thing. I learned if I didn't have the money. I really didn't need it! And I came accustomed to going without!
Ironically years after my dad stopped abusing alcohol, he was at his lowest point, barely working part time hardly getting by... living on next to nothing, a huge snow storm came (actually 36 years ago this month) and by the grace of god, a natural disaster occurred and our home was destroyed... and his insurance on the house paid big! And as he would say later to me, on a day fishing trip, " Fate can turn on a dime. You don't know what is going to happen but at that given moment you need to know which side of that coin you are going to be on."
Throughout those years dad invested his money, bought land and lived a minimal lifestyle saving every dime he had never letting any of his money go! He had such a control issue over his money all going back to "his money story" as a child. My dad died in 1992, a short illness that took his life at the age of 59. He got sick Jan 92, was diagnosed with liver cancer, May of 92, retired June of 92, Turned 59 in July 92, We took a family trip Aug 92 and after returning 2 weeks to the day... he died in Sept of 1992. Sadly he could not take any of his money with him and the guilt associated with all that money was now left with me!
My money story continues, I have always worked part time making my money stretch. I still live a very minimal life. There are times I go without and I do everything in my absolute power to make everything I have stretch. I have this aversion to money and the feelings I have associated with money, it often sends me into this zone. It is enough as a creative minded person to multi-task jobs but the person who is also creative finds amazing ways to be financially savvy and frugal. Ridiculously to the point where I often find myself reusing tin foil... yep that is insane! I have made a game out of stretching meals, clothes, gas, change... just to make ends meet. I still have a part-time gig with a small income and when things are rolling in my business it very much offsets the months I have gone without! I plug along and think and remind myself this is temporary. The only constant in our life is "change". There are peaks and valleys and one must adjust the mind accordingly. Some years better than others but when you learn the art of juggling and finance... You somehow come out ok!
Also, after the crash of the economy of 2008 when everyone was losing everything. I was involved with this person who constantly said, " you are looking for someone to take care of you!" You don't want to work" You think you live on Candy Cane Lane" "I am not going to provide for you." And ironically after my house was going into foreclosure and my car was being repossessed, (which by the way I was making the payments, the car loan place held onto the payments making it look like I was delinquent so they could take back the vehicle. It was the game of the lenders of that time) I had to go to the guy asking for the money to get my vehicle back. It was like asking my dad! The brash comments that came with that lashing were horrible. I felt bad enough as it was... my world was crashing all around me and this is what I got from the man I was involved with? His words continued with, "well you better tell everyone I helped you. You never tell anyone all the things I do for you!" At that moment there were no words for me to say... If a person is to help you under any circumstances, are they helping because they really want to help or are they helping because they are playing the martyr and they make it about them to suit their selfish ego? Things to make them feel good about themselves!?
I think from that moment on it became almost inconsolable for me to ask for help... If one more person was to make me feel bad over money, I was going to go without or figure it out all on my own. I realized I am not a taker! I do not want to be a kept woman! I am responsible for me, my house, my son and my pets! Although that does not go without saying I have had some help and too other times we have gone without.
In most recent, the wonderful person I had been involved with kindly had offered his assistance in helping me get me over a hurdle. It did not though come with great emotional pain on my part. That same sick feeling of needing help... I have a horrible time accepting help when I know I am capable of doing it all on my own. It is my "money story" My stubborn pride will no longer take the help... and as things are at a stall in my money situation... I have to forgo what I am dealing with on my own until I get to where I want to be... AGAIN! Tides rise and this ship is not going to sink...
Let me backtrack for just a moment. When my dad passed away in 1992, he left my sister and I a small inheritance. $15000,00. was my portion. He had it securely in money markets. I removed the money and repositioned it in mutual funds,,, investing in that time in the utility companies. I took a small portion of that money and invested it in stock. After purchasing that stock, it was bought in by someone else and the stock split and I doubled my investment. After 3 mos of doing what I was doing my money doubled. I went from 15,000. to 30,000. I took some of that money and put into a high yielding interest account where I received a payout monthly providing an income. The other money sat in a mutual fund for 15 years. I used every bit of my inheritance to take care of my children, vacation 2ce a year and so on so forth. I worked part-time in 1995-97 waitressing pulling in 900.00 a week on 4 days. Yes here we are 2018 and money does not come in like it use to or do I have a cushion... but from my lips to God's ears, this will happen again. I have a plan... and I am sticking to it!
Every step of the way is just a stone to another path. You never stop traveling the journey. Whether you have a dime or not!
See we all have a money story! We all act a certain way because of the way we were raised about the belief of that tender. There are tricks to every trade... there are peaks and valleys and the way you come to feel about money is actually a learning curve that you can use to your advantage or not. My situation is always temporary... Fate does turn on a dime! I know what side of this coin I am going to be on. I promise!
If you would like to learn more about how your money story effects you, sign up for my life and biz coaching sessions https://kitryn-marie.weebly.com/inner-circle-coaching-group-for-women.html and or if you are needing to tweak the way you look at your life, take one of my vision board classes. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/law-of-attraction-create-a-vision-board-tickets-59169410299 To see all of my work and to learn more about me visit http://kitryn-marie.weebly.com or visit http://kmgraphicandart.weebly.com
I hope this story helps you to identify something in your current life money story! As always, until I write again...
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
Please subscribe, like and share my YOUTUBE Channel Kitryn Marie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pILFjAMFP1A&t=427s
The aphorism "a rising tide lifts all boats" is associated with the idea that improvements in the general economy will benefit all participants in that economy, and that economic policy, particularly government economic policy, should therefore focus on the general macroeconomic environment first and foremost.
