The Life of A Narccisist
Forgiveness is an odd bird, and it is not to be associated with forgotten. A person may forgive but never forget and in order to be forgiven one must first repent and in the case, I am so familiar with... neither is being had!
I decided to go into Life and Business coaching for this reason alone! To help, serve and offer an ear to understand, to hear another's silent cries when their heart has been ripped out to the core, thrown on the floor and smashed so there is nothing left to give anyone else ever again. The psychological damage that has occurred turns into a post-traumatic stress disorder. Not all scars are visible and the ones that are hidden cause repeated pain time after time after time. PTSD shows up in many forms. Often a person can be triggered by a name, a text, a repeat visit from the person, a story, a sound, a song etc etc...
It is as if the person who suffers from the PTSD has been kidnapped and only after being released and escaping, the kidnapper still reaches out... like all is forgiven and forgotten. and life for him is to go on with no repercussions.
Can you imagine someone's behavior so unmistakingly detestable, knowing the malintent practices, destruction of lives and the motives towards people that they claimed to love, only to see through the public eye, what a fool someone has been made of? A repeat of relationship abuse, control, and illicit affairs... the life of a narcissist. Never is it his fault and always there is someone else is to blame. A good time Charlie never being accountable for his own actions or ever taking the responsibility for the damage caused.
Case in study: They had only been going out for a few months when an argument erupted, he exclaimed she should want to hang out with his friends in some dive location while leaving young children at home unattended. Her rebuttal "they are kids, they should not be left alone under any circumstances. Your priority is your family not some befuddled boozed up idiots." Heated verbal exchange took place, he stormed out the door. She had returned to her job the following day, thinking of the argument, wanting to make amends, she called him. He did not answer his phone. She tried several times to no avail...he did not pick up. She drove looking for him in his favorite spots, he was nowhere as if he had just disappeared. Days had gone by and now a little concerned, he still was nowhere to be seen. It was only after a phone call, the news, he had been seen with some cheap made up, thick eye-shadowed, meth teeth biker making out in public causing quite the spectacle. Crushing news to her heart, they had been dating only months and after 1 argument this was how he chose to act. Sadly this type behavior occurred 3 more times in their relationship over a course of more than 5+ years.
The next case study: Needing to go to the hospital, sick she called and called. Texted and texted getting weaker by the minute, A devasting infection that was taking over her body. Never answering his phone. He knew she was sick. He had taken her to the urgent care the night before. After near death, taken to the emergency room by another friend. Finding out the news, a shock of her life, she called and begged him to come to the hospital. He made a bunch of stupid excuses on why he could not come up to see the woman he claimed to be so in love with. He was too busy out drinking with his next piece of side action. She needed surgery, he never did show up. Days later finding out he had that same woman move into his house. She had walked in on them tangled legs kissing in some bar. The shock of it all, . No remorse, no I am sorry not a thing... he had blamed her exclaiming "why does this always happen to me!" He mostly was not around already fooling around elsewhere, he did not want to hear a thing. He dismissed it all... as if she was not important and nobody else mattered but him and his life.
Sadly that incident causing that woman permanent damage repeated female surgery and it resulted in a chronic illness that was discovered a few years down the line by that time his illicit affairs had taken on yet one more action of deceit. He had been fooling around with but yet one more obese woman who complimented his good time Charlie behavior... Fun was to be had and everyone knew but her. Having her move into his house behind her back while they still were together. It was the incident that changed it all... She now was deathly ill and routine visits to the Dr were mandatory. All the while, he claimed still to love her and continuing to reach out for continued years... as if his behavior was accepted. And all should be forgiven.
The life of a narcissist, abusive control issues plays the biggest part in any of his relationships. The accountability for actions is never reckoned with destroying peoples lives as if nothing ever has transpired or nothing has ever occurred. The narcissist makes life to be all about him:
Shows wanton disregard for other people’s thoughts, feelings, possessions, and physical space. Oversteps and uses others without consideration or sensitivity. Borrows items or money without returning. Breaks promises and obligations repeatedly. Shows little remorse and blames the victim for one’s own lack of respect. Many narcissists like to do things to impress others by making themselves look good externally. This “trophy” complex can exhibit itself physically, romantically, sexually, socially, religiously, financially, materially, professionally, academically, or culturally. In these situations, the narcissist uses people, objects, status, and/or accomplishments to represent the self, substituting for the perceived, inadequate “real” self. These grandstanding “merit badges” are often exaggerated. The underlying message of this type of display is: “I’m better than you!” or “Look at how special I am—I’m worthy of everyone’s love, admiration, and acceptance!”Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from others. They expect others to cater (often instantly) to their needs, without being considerate in return. In their mindset, the world revolves around them. Narcissists can be very charismatic and persuasive. When they’re interested in you (for their own gratification), they make you feel very special and wanted. However, once they lose interest in you (most likely after they’ve gotten what they want, or became bored), they may drop you without a second thought. A narcissist can be very engaging and sociable, as long as you’re fulfilling what he desires, and giving him all of your attention. Thinking of oneself as a hero or one of a kind special person. Some narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, believing that others cannot live or survive without his or her magnificent contributions.
To the women who fall for these types: To honor...be sure they are worthy. A liar will candy coat words to soothe your ears...so his ego gets fed. Pretty flowers with words...don't last! It all fades.
Leviticus 19:4, ESV Do not turn to idols or make for yourselves any gods of cast...
Pay attention. Seek the truth. If he has done it before he will do it again. Repeated patterns occur because that is what the narcissist has learned to get away with.
When someone has done so wrong to others and there is proof of behavior and seen first hand by so many. People will talk and bash! Especially when there has been drama and chaos...in front of everyone's eyes!
Some people will make complete messes of their life and blame the wrong person making them out to be the bad guy... when they have never taken responsibility or accountability for the horrid actions they caused.
Cheating, verbal and physical abuse... there is no exception to that type of behavior. And sadly the behavior repeats... and the next person suffers the same type behavior. It gets disguised in the beginning by charm and smooth words...and oddly and sadly control begins to happen. Your words will get misconstrued and turned around... and then his actions will not match his words!
When you love someone you never cause them that kind of pain and then disappear after all the madness has occurred... Not having the courage to close or end the relationship.(its easier to just slip away and go on to the next) Then to add insult to injury lie to everyone... while having someone waiting in the wings!
it is repeated patterns... expecting a different outcome. An abusive person remains abusive until the issue is acknowledged and addressed with real help.
Healthy relationships do not hold sex over your head. You don't throw someone else's name ever in the mix... You lay no hands of anger anywhere! You don't keep your partner hidden from your life and you keep no secret private life.
Abuse is a learned trait. It is often displayed a person's whole life growing up and as an adult, they mimic what they have seen and learned... learning to manipulate the situation. Showing force of hand to their partner in one way or another.
It is not easy to recognize... the person may be the nicest person in the world in front of certain people... but behind closed doors the scenario changes.
If you find yourself a victim of abuse reach out and get help. Do not let it consume your life or keep you in the dark. Before you get involved with anyone... do yourself a favor. Look at the past relationship. Watch their tone and listen between all the lines. A good liar will do just that! Lie to make himself feel good about himself!
If you feel you are needing help, reach out. I do not claim to be a therapist or a psychologist but I can help you to be aware of the changes that need to take place in your life for a healthier and happier life that is meant directly for you!
Too many times women chase the wrong man because she desperately thinks he is the love of her life! By claiming those words in a new fresh relationship feeds the narcissistic ego! He will drain you by expecting the praise and you will become exhausted from being the only one giving!
Be aware of the warning signs. Look at his past relationships before you jump into anything! It just might save your life!
Kitryn Marie
https://kitryn-marie.weebly.com/inner-circle-coaching-group-for-women.html
