Lost and Angry

*** When He Had Her***



Misplaced anger... that's what it was. Beyond regret or that churning grumble in his stomach, there was an ache deep in the pit of his stomach and it was pissing him off. Every step he took, every move he made and every job he was on... she flooded his memory.

 What the fuck did he do? What the hell was wrong with him...

He couldn't turn it off or shut it down... his mind was on fire and there was nothing he could do about it. That door was closed. He made sure to fuck absolutely everything up so he would force her to hate him and nail that fucking door shut!

 What kind of person does that to another? What did that say about him...

He was running, whatever game of make believe was coming to an end and he could not get away quick enough or get that manipulating thing out of his house. He could not stand the sight of her... What was he thinking? He could not stand to touch that thing that laid in his bed... he was getting lost in that monstrosity. Every time her hands would reach around to him, he would play like he was  tired from the day, exhausted from the drinking, making excuses from the job he had been on. In order to deal with what he had caused he needed to be drunk... he needed to be numb, he needed to pretend ... he stayed gone, he worked late ... too many things had fallen into a place that was supposed to be temporary and for the time being. He was losing control and he was angry. This was not how it was supposed to play out. She was as big as a drunk as he had become... Sloppy and embarrassing and people talked. There was no grace and no class to that woman. They both had fallen into a trap. It was playing out to be a bad scene from a grim fairytale...

******************************

 In his sleep, he dreamt of her. The one he just disappeared on. In his sleep he could feel her. Her legs wrapped around him. Her hand guiding him into her. His hand on her ass while he thrust deep. Her tight... They were one. Intimately they were one.  Looking into her eyes, Her beautiful eyes... eyes that loved him.

 How could he have done that to her? 

What kind of manacle plot did he think he could prove by leaving her high and dry to have some beast of a woman take over his life. Walls made from bricks that the pig of a woman was trying to protect... and he now the wolf huffing and puffing making no headway to removing her... He just wanted his other life back. The old life he had with other... the other he took for granted. The other he would come back to. The other that forgave him and took him back time after time after time.The one he should have never treated the way he did... He could not get her out of his head and it was driving him mad... it was making him angry and he was taking it out  on everyone else.

He was angry at himself and the mess that he had made. There was no going back... and the part of her that remained burnt in his mind was haunting him and it was a guilt that no amount of alcohol could kill. Anger was a part of his life and it was destroying every bit of who he had become.

If he could just call her. If he could try to explain... but what would there be to explain?  There was no back peddling, no call back,  no go back... Yes, he had found every way to obliterate the love she had for him... and now he was lost in that beast that he allowed in his life.

**********************************

In order to be free, the wolf would have to chew off his foot from the trap while the pig would chant not by the hair of my 3 chinny chin chins!

Meet Me In St. Louis
Kitryn Marie








Popular posts from this blog

Parts Of The Missing Puzzle

Image
****When He Had Her**** She didn't need to explain anything to anyone anymore. That was the thing about hurt, grief and anger, she did what she needed to do to cope. Over a long period, she had been through more emotional hell than anyone could imagine With no choice left, she had picked up the pieces and replaced them in some order. At this point, the only thing that mattered was how her current pieces were gonna fit! It was a puzzle, missing pieces with no rhyme or reason. Speculation, deductions, detective work, voices from a crowd that loved to talk... and who had seen first hand. A mystery... with no resolve. Questionable choices made from drunken behavior. Low self-worth on his part that he would settle for the likes of an unappealing manipulating repulsive looking woman. She had caused enough ruckus amongst quite a few of his kind and yet he let her bull doze her way in. For the sake of not being alone and letting someone put his house in order. What had he said to her...
Read more

The Other Side...Of What?

Image
 I think where I last left you, last blog post, I was stepping back. I was changing things, redirecting, grabbing my camera and heading... SOMEWHERE! As an entrepreneur, you get to change it as many times as you desire! You wear many hats, many glasses, switch up products and you get to offer as many services as you are talented to do! Since our last visit, I rejoined AVON and re-signed with the Gourmet Cupboard. I also am waiting on status to be a brand ambassador for l'ange hair products and tools! I have ordered new business cards for my photography, I had another art show and I had a fabulous painting class that I taught for 11 women! I had 4 brand new tires put on my car and again had some exhaust issues fixed on the vehicle that at this time, I am keeping instead of trying to maintain a new car payment. That may have more to do with new car payment vs horse board! I said I was stepping back but it looks like I just went in another direction... AGAIN! The podcast set up I had ...
Read more