Family Tradition

You could say I am seeking tradition. I have a flood of memories that have surfaced and you guessed it, if I can’t write about it what good is having the memory!

 I don’t know if it is because the holidays are around the corner or the fact that I would have been married 30 years. My female nostalgia says it is the combination of both. I was married on Thanksgiving Day, which by the way was a family tradition. Grandma and grandpa and my mom and dad were married on Thanksgiving Day so the dutiful daughter/granddaughter I was... followed suit! None the less holiday or would be anniversary,  it is not making this season any easier. 

Maybe not every tradition is supposed to be handed down. New traditions can be created and possibly some traditions should be altered and the ones that are so chaotic or archaic should be a given... and should  be forgotten! but regardless it should not change the meaning of holiday tradition: A time for family to gather, a time to share a meal and a time to be thankful for any of the fore mentioned. Life is short and at any given moment you don’t know if that will be the last holiday you have spent with a loved one. (Don’t I know?)

Thanksgiving growing up was a holiday shared time between my dad’s mom, Grandma Barton and usually my Aunt Grace. On a rare occasion my Aunt Phyllis held it but mostly it was my Aunt Grace’s house.  So it had seemed from both these different heritages there was a long line of handed down recipes that added a formality to the meal other than the glorious bird itself.

Growing up very poor and on a farm, my grandma Barton Irish/German heritage allowed us salads of every kind to grace her table. Three bean, Jell-O, ambrosia, German potato, and Tossed greens were just a few to name. How one meal was based around the variety of salads was really quite amazing. Fresh baked rolls with the sweetest of butter sat in a crystal butter dish. You knew we were eating fancy once that butter dish came out! My Grandma B’s house was the smallest of houses but we would all tightly fit around her dining room table. No one seemed to mind either. Elbow to Elbow we would sit… and feast on real china and silverware.

My Aunt Grace always had some honey ham along with her Turkey. The meal wasn’t complete with out her famous Italian mostocoli.  A buffet style table was set, paper plates, plastic utensils and every kind of baked potato dish invented… Au gratin, scalloped, and mashed was lined in a Pyrex dish. We sat where ever we could find a space. Her split level home was large and could accommodate the 25+ relatives that congregated there. There was always room for one more and the whole concept of that gathering was the more the merrier…now let’s eat!

Dessert was another big deal to complete the meal.  The funny thing was at Grandma’s the first round of dishes needed to be cleared before we could be served pie.  The choice of pies went on forever, apple, cherry, pumpkin, mincemeat and pecan! My grandma and my Aunt Mary must have baked for a week before. I think back and laugh no wonder dad and Uncle Ronnie retreated the couch and over stuffed chair… They too were stuffed!

Aunt G had pie, the usual pumpkin, on occasion a chocolate…but the big deal there was the Bianga Mongadi cake, a decadent yellow cake with a sweet white cream, drizzled, dazzled in chocolate topped with chopped cherries and pecans. It was to die for! Now that was Italian tradition at its best!! The desserts sat side by side with the other choices of food… there was no reason not to put it amongst the feast. “Why wait?” my grandma (my mom’s mother) would say!

I have always loved Thanksgiving. I do call it my holiday. I love baking a turkey! My signature dish has become my fried sweet potatoes in butter and a hot pork sausage stuffing. I start cooking usually the day before and don’t stop until right about the time we sit down to eat. My pie of choice is apple but I always have a pumpkin too. My house is small and like my Grandma Barton we have to squeeze around my table or like my Aunt Grace I give the option sit where you want…I don’t care! Just eat…

As my kids have gotten older my traditions don’t seem to fancy them as much.  My daughter, Raechal since being married has put my holiday on a back burner. She and her husband have forged their way into shuffling the babies back and forth between the other in laws and other parent. It is a lot and I remember those painstaking days of having to try to please everyone so it only makes sense that something or someone would get slighted. I have tried to not take it so personally but I am guessing because my other family members are passed, my choices of where to go have become too few, which consequently brings me to that of not having partner to share the holiday with…it does hurt and it does bother me immensely. 

This year, my daughter has opted to host a Thanksgiving brunch therefore giving me a reason to be thankful for this year’s family meal. Plus my sister is coming in town so we will congregate at Raech’s.

Jason and Tyler could careless necessarily about the meal. That must be a boy thing.  Tyler’s birthday is within the next week so normally he spends the Thanksgiving at his grandma’s (his dad’s mom) and they celebrate his birthday. Jason, this year had to point out how small my house was and how it was inconvenient for all to be there.  For the last several years, he has become so health conscious and even though it is a day to indulge; he is picky about what he is putting in his body! So in spite of his comment which I have tried to over look …I still get a kick watching him  eat when he does…so what does that say about me? (Yes I have turned into my grandmother!)

As any of my children get older, I can only hope they can see where I am coming from… but for the rest of you:

The holiday which ever it is…The tradition is about the love, the family, the food and being thankful for what has been passed down and put in front of you to share. It doesn’t matter the size of the house, the types of food or who is there to eat! What matters is, you have been invited and there is a space for you. You have been made to feel, you belong and bringing your appetite is optional!

Where ever you gather this season. Stop and look back over your years growing up. Be thankful for your own family traditions that have been made and passed down. Do not cheat yourself or deny yourself your own personal holiday treat. These moments are precious and too few and once gone you never can replace or get back!

Meet Me In St. Louis,

Kitryn Marie