Running Shoes Not Required
Glorious...that's how I feel this morning!!! Just G-L-O-R-I-O-U-S! Have you ever had one of those reflective mornings where you know everything is falling into a solid position! The Gods have finally heard every plea, wish and prayer and now are making all the necessary arrangements to put every time consuming, strategic, intricate step into permanency. Yep, this is how I am feeling!!! In place!!!
As I stand in this position, there is a different quality of air. I can for once see the cosmic stars aligning and in a very long time, so it seems I am taking in healthier breaths... I am finding with each new day, I have become comfortable and at ease with my surroundings. I have allowed myself and given myself permission to move about freely with no need to run!
No, I haven't landed that perfect job. No, I did not win the lottery. No I have not been asked for anyone's hand in marriage. Nothing physical has happened to change my current station. I am still in my two day a week gig. I still am plugging away at stardom, fame and fortune. I still am relentlessly spending money I can't spare on lottery tickets... And to no avail, there is still quite the arms length distance between me and my love!
The only way I can describe it is, it's this feeling of... I have landed! For once, I know where my feet are!!! I can stand in this lot and can clearly see exactly how my footwork is positioned. I am standing upright and I don't want to run!!! I am very ok with being positioned in this place.
As far back as I can remember, from the time I could walk...I was immediately taught to run. The only problem was I was never told where to run to so it seems I had learned how to run from...
Run from childhood. Run from conflict. Run from relationships. Run from turmoil. Run from abuse. Run Run Run ....from life. Avoid... get away...hide... Run Run Run Kit ...just run ... fast, hard and then you better hide! Because if you do all those things you just might get to find away to escape...and when you escape you don't have to attach! and if you don't have to attach you don't have to feel... so stuff, run and hide! Now escape!!! Once, I realized where I was trying to escape to... I found myself already there. So it kept me running and hiding...etc...etc...
It's no ones fault!!! It is how I chose to cope with childhood, conflict, relationships, turmoil and abuse... I did not know any different. My environment made me a running machine. The runners high that puts you in a euphoric state of UNTOUCHABLE...UNLOVEABLE...UNAPPRECIATED. Oh dear God, I get it...I finally get it!
All these years of anxiety had been stemmed from running trying to hide in a place that no longer could contain my emotions. All the compartments that are in my psyche, full and falling off the shelves of my heart... When you hold back and deprive yourself of feeling anything...too much feeling ends up pouring out with no way to control what is happening. Which creates an anxiety of an over exaggerated circumstance that is NOT there and then a feeling of uncontrollable emotions that are unfamiliar and unknown to what your use to and then you don't know what to do with it ...so the only thing you can do is run!
It is unequivocally, hands down no way to live life and the only way to stop it is to address it and come to terms with it!
So now that I know it... Now that I get it! What do I do with it? I will relax and enjoy right where I'm standing. I will take in this new view of I'm here!!!!!
"If you stand still long enough the lady bug does land on you". Under TheTuscan Sun ......
For once I am happy to stand still! So on this day of June 30, 2013, I proudly would like to announce:
My running days are over and I gladly relinquish my shoes!
Meet Me In St. Louis
Kitryn Marie
No, I haven't landed that perfect job. No, I did not win the lottery. No I have not been asked for anyone's hand in marriage. Nothing physical has happened to change my current station. I am still in my two day a week gig. I still am plugging away at stardom, fame and fortune. I still am relentlessly spending money I can't spare on lottery tickets... And to no avail, there is still quite the arms length distance between me and my love!
The only way I can describe it is, it's this feeling of... I have landed! For once, I know where my feet are!!! I can stand in this lot and can clearly see exactly how my footwork is positioned. I am standing upright and I don't want to run!!! I am very ok with being positioned in this place.
As far back as I can remember, from the time I could walk...I was immediately taught to run. The only problem was I was never told where to run to so it seems I had learned how to run from...
Run from childhood. Run from conflict. Run from relationships. Run from turmoil. Run from abuse. Run Run Run ....from life. Avoid... get away...hide... Run Run Run Kit ...just run ... fast, hard and then you better hide! Because if you do all those things you just might get to find away to escape...and when you escape you don't have to attach! and if you don't have to attach you don't have to feel... so stuff, run and hide! Now escape!!! Once, I realized where I was trying to escape to... I found myself already there. So it kept me running and hiding...etc...etc...
It's no ones fault!!! It is how I chose to cope with childhood, conflict, relationships, turmoil and abuse... I did not know any different. My environment made me a running machine. The runners high that puts you in a euphoric state of UNTOUCHABLE...UNLOVEABLE...UNAPPRECIATED. Oh dear God, I get it...I finally get it!
All these years of anxiety had been stemmed from running trying to hide in a place that no longer could contain my emotions. All the compartments that are in my psyche, full and falling off the shelves of my heart... When you hold back and deprive yourself of feeling anything...too much feeling ends up pouring out with no way to control what is happening. Which creates an anxiety of an over exaggerated circumstance that is NOT there and then a feeling of uncontrollable emotions that are unfamiliar and unknown to what your use to and then you don't know what to do with it ...so the only thing you can do is run!
It is unequivocally, hands down no way to live life and the only way to stop it is to address it and come to terms with it!
So now that I know it... Now that I get it! What do I do with it? I will relax and enjoy right where I'm standing. I will take in this new view of I'm here!!!!!
"If you stand still long enough the lady bug does land on you". Under TheTuscan Sun ......
For once I am happy to stand still! So on this day of June 30, 2013, I proudly would like to announce:
My running days are over and I gladly relinquish my shoes!
Meet Me In St. Louis
Kitryn Marie
