The Grand Re-do - Are We There Yet?

 How long are we waiting these days? What's the appropriate amount of time for do-overs, comebacks, and start-overs? It is Mercury retrograde, right? All the redos in life! I'm waiting!!! If we can turn the clock back, how far can we reset that date? Because, man, can I have 20 years of my life back? Can I ? Asking for a friend?

I made a video yesterday on my YouTube channel about how many of us have woken up from a stupor. One day we were all meandering around in a trance, then somehow, upon awakening from what felt like 40 years of sleep, something was different! Was it just me? It's like that Dallas episode: Pam wakes up and hears the shower running, and she goes into the bathroom, and Bobby is showering. Alive and well! She had dreamt the whole thing! This is what we are all experiencing, right? 

I really didn't lose my big girl job in 2009 due to the economy crashing. I didn't bartend for 8 years at a dive-ass tavern. I didn't start an art and communication business; I didn't study life coaching for 2 years. I wasn't diagnosed with an illness and gaslit by the medical system. Surely I didn't stay with an abusive cheat for 8 years while he profusely cheated on me with hideous, atrocious women, having them move into his house behind my back while I ran back and forth to a cancer center trying to compose my existence? It must have been a dream watching my customer flail a gun around, pointing it at me as if life at that time was not a nightmare to begin with. In my crazy imagination, the money I had didn't disappear into thin air because I was feeding 5 and nurturing kids who had nothing but poor excuses for parents. Even my writing abilities must have been imagined; my God, how could I have come up with this sort of imagination to create this type of scenario...

Somewhere in the gray matter, by osmosis and imagination, I did not meet my soulmate, whom I had lived lifetimes with over and over, recognizing a kindred spirit from the Appalachian Mountains over a beer and a simulated golf game, only later to have us plan a life complete with horses, fishing, land, and travel, only to find out he could not leave the person he was renting from because his nightmarish life left him in an ugly, miserable homeostasis comfort zone. Avoidant, detached, and angry at the world and apparently at me because he could not move out of being stuck or escaping to a smoke-filled room with other angry old men beaten and abused by life's poor decisions. Abandoning the one person he said he couldn't live without, but yet because he could not get the reaction, or his ego fed, chasing after him, he needed to calm his running feet, knowing if caught it would require change;  to play it safe and out of frustration and childish behavior, easier to return unimportant car travel items and throw an adult temper tantrum leaving behind what he desperately said he craved! Certainly I dreamt all of this... This all could not have happened? I must have been in some drug-induced coma, leaving me in a stupor, right?

This is where you'll hear me laugh! Ridiculous belly laughs... Only because I am awake. The spell is broken. The stupor is over!

I heard someone else's child respond last week after stating how concerned I was over the mental well-being of my friend and her altered state of existence. His response: "I am not responsible for my mom's poor choices. I have a life of my own, and keeping my head above water right now is my main concern." (as I watched him down 8 beers during a 3 hr event, taking advantage of his mother's generous, struggling purse strings)

Are they poor choices, or is it life as it happened? The path led by the heart and false promises because a person wants to believe wholeheartedly, intently, that this is what they have longed for. Forget the trauma bonds, the gaslighting, the addictive behaviors, or even the notion that this is what they need to make their life better as a whole. You say to yourself, "I am what they need!"  I am enough, and through my hopeful eyes, our life can make a difference, and every intricate detail we have discussed, because in my delirious dreams I saw life on the other side. It is not a dream when you are living every waking moment, wanting what you want and doing everything in your power to build what you envision in your mind.

 Every possible conversation you hold in that part of your body that this is it and this is going to happen, and then when you are blindsided by someone else's stubbornness, restrictions, and fears, the rug gets pulled out from under your feet, and you're left praying that when you wake up you have not fallen off the bed because you have spent decades plummeting into a reality no one wants to be in?

 And you are faced with what you did live with, and you question all motives and plays and wonder if any of it was real? 

What kind of stupor were you really in? 

And how in the hell do you recover from any of it?

Well, what I did not dream or imagine: https://voyagestl.com/interview/life-work-with-kitryn-marie-of-affton-mo/  https://voyagestl.com/interview/conversations-with-kitryn-marie/  https://canvasrebel.com/meet-kitryn-marie/  https://boldjourney.com/kitryn-marie-of-affton-stl-mo-county-on-life-lessons-legacy-highlight/

It is Mercury retrograde! The resurgence of life. The resurrection... No restrictions... Lots of requirements! No more reexamining! The grand REDO! 

I'm done waiting!

Kitryn Marie



Popular posts from this blog

Eye Spy... Keep Watching

Image
 Eye spy? What are you looking at and for? On purpose, I did not link my last writing anywhere to see who would go directly to my blog. I typically link it to all of my social accounts. In my business coaching class, I call it the "wrap-around" effect. It gives a glimmer more into who I am, what I do, and what I promote in my "Kitryn Marie" umbrella of endeavors. Right now, it's difficult to call it a business... although I promote accordingly. Eventually, all things will open up, and my teaching will resume. This is not a great time in economic history, and if you look around, money is nowhere to be found to spend on enrichment and personal development. My patience is being tested, and my resilience is at a standstill. I am holding out and onto something I have built from the ground up. In a conversation I had yesterday with one of my coworkers at the gig, I adamantly reminded her, "You are not responsible for the consequences of the actions" from som...
Read more

Your Morals and Ethics Should Be your Compass Not Your Costume

Image
 Maybe this Sunday morning has a different feel. IDK maybe it's because I have just settled into another type of calm. I worked until almost midnight, yielding enough in tips for groceries and a trip to the thrift store this week! I have been eyeing a recipe for wild rice and mushroom soup and pricing out turkeys for me and the kid. Yes, he and I are staying in this year. I have no desire to people along with it's "the dad's" year. A ridiculous tradition my daughter started for the holidays to separate whomever. Whatever... Nonetheless, there is cash on hand for the week! Praise Jesus! Cash and he is King... LOL #humor Last night's event's an auction bid on for meals, drinks (open bar call), and an overnight stay; tickets for 40 people. These people were actually friends of 40+ years! The gentleman who outbid on this ticket shared his grand prize with his closest comrades. I can't imagine! In actuality only 29 attended and an array of husbands and wive...
Read more

Where I Am Going...

Image
Where I am going, you can't come with me... that is a powerful statement. The girl you used to know, has moved mentally, spiritually, emotionally and in progress; physically. Location location location! Logistics is a state of mind. You are not previe and you no longer have access. Again powerful statements! I heard Carole King in my head this morning! "It's too late." Honestly, I was never fond of that song. The connotations associated with that interpretation were heartfelt sadness, but now, as an aging adult, I have never heard anything more true. I am probably now more focused on my end result, the big picture, and how I choose to live out the next 53 years. I plan to live until I am 116! As I have told my son-in-law, I will be holding Rosa's hand ( my youngest granddaughter) overlooking my property when I take my last breath! It is also my pact with God! In the meantime, I continue building the life I have always dreamed of. It is the entrepreneur's way o...
Read more