Glance In That Great Big Karmic Mirror
You are only as good as you once were! What if you were always good? ( and no one ever recognized it) OR What if you never were? ( and now the story is coming to light!) What if your whole M.O. was to get all you could from whoever you were with? Gaining whatever material goods you could acquire while you were pretending to be so GOOD? Lots of conviving con artist out there... with the lowest of self-esteem. People who have felt such entitlement because their sense of worth came down to who was "Giving it to them" The adult taker who has lived his whole life milking the good of others!
From as early as my teens, if it was not drilled in my head to be responsible for self. Take pride in earning your own money! (My dad!) Be Presentable! Be ladylike... but take no shit (advice from A. Phyllis) altho don't rock the boat (My grandma) Say what you mean and mean what you say! (again my Gram!) Now go out in the world and be happy! Don't be miserable like us! ( My A. Sara) and there you have it in a nutshell! Well almost...
***Oh hi! Do you know me? I believe we met some time ago! Ya know our kids went to school with each other! We worked on the same parade committee... I believe our lives intertwined intimately for oh so some years! So I heard you say REPEATEDLY "you can't help who you fall in love with but don't get attached to anyone you can't walk away from!"***
As dad in his final years had said, " Fate can turn on a dime! Just be prepared what side of that coin you are on... when it hits!"
I find it so ironic all things we hear growing up and all the bull shit we listen to when we are in love. In love is so overrated! How people get played for the sake of...To any of my readers, new, old, the stalker! We have stories. Our lives are stories in motion. There is truth and then there is the real truth! There are parts often left out so someone never sees or finds out how the chronicling part of a story went. When there are kids involved it gets messy and often gets complicated. All children in the scenario get treated the same! There is no child to be singled out for favortisms...But a real grown-up knows kids grow up and they see the truths for how it all happened. Those children go on and live productive lives on their own. They are not to be used as bargaining tools and weapons for mass destruction/. The weight of adult problems should never be placed on a childs/ren shoulders. You are to remain their parent! You are not to be their friend and indulge personal grown up matters into their lives ...driving wedges between!
What did love have to do with it?
"Hey, I live here. I got some stuff... of course, it wasn't all acquired by myself. My folks gave me lots, then my ex-wife who I pretty much drove insane because we had this "addiction" She worked ya know and while I went to school. I am a businessman. Well, a sort of businessman. We had these kids. A few pieces of property. We each repeatedly had affairs... we each drank over the limits! Yes, we argued. We argued ugly! Furniture got broke... chairs thru china cabinet glass ugly. Now, none of that was my fault of course after all I could never get her to understand who was in control here! I only married her because ... see all my friends were married and they all had kids. I just wanted to... well ya know fit in! Im all about the camaraderie! Love? hell no. It was a party! It was not love... it was though convenient. She could work and make all kinds of money and well the rest is history. Oh, there were plenty of secrets. Oh, so I always thought ... See I kept the kids, really it was not for their best interest it was though for mine. They were property of course and they belonged to me. I did it just to hurt her... You know its who I am and just what I do! She had issues... but look at me! Everyone else looks at me like Im a great guy! Why don't you feel sorry for me?
Since we have some mutual friends and since our kids know each other... and I see you have your own house, so, therefore, I am assuming you will be a good match! You can manage my life! I'll tell you I love so you think I love you (or so you think I am giving you this gift and responsibility!) I am going to do whatever the hell I want and in the meantime you work and bend over backward to cater to my needs and my kids, I don't have much but I know you will give me what I need because I have charm and I know how to make you fall in love with me ...after all the "other" people who have loved me have... well ya know... given and done things for me! It's just how it works. And by the way, when I am done getting all I need from you, I will cast you aside, not once, not 2ce but 3 times having numerous affairs with other women and then I will ghost you! You will never know the real reason why because you don't matter! You never did! I got what I needed from you and now I am on to the next! But I am going to reach out to you for 6 years behind everyone's back even the one that I am now with! She is clueless about how bad I really abused and used you!
As God as my witness... Testimony hands in the air! Karma isn't a Bitch that mirror is!
What did love have to do with anything? She was 11 she watched him walk up those school steps. What did she know about love? {Some Gidget movie where girl meets boy! The boy is a complete jerk! Boy does everything in his power to deny any feelings... and continue to be a real jerk to her after all he is a Guys Guy! Oh, moon doggie!} All she saw was brown curly hair and when he turned around the bluest of eyes and those straight pearly whites! As if that little girl knew what Angels could sound like, she swore she heard a chorus. In reverse: Just like Charlie Brown said, " if only the curly red hair girl would just pay him attention!" Options and choices... Always someone else! She to be the fallback girl always! 16 years old arms tightly gripping in a warm hug. Youth, young love or lust, eyes glaring into each... the softest and the most tender of kisses. Out of the mouths of babes, he says, " I know I should be with someone like you but I can't." and the rest is ridiculous history!
As young adults, we are given options and choices! Often as adults, we make every wrong choice until we realize we should have stayed right where we started and all the messes, drama, crisis, and chaos in any of our lives would have never transpired. The reliable and the loyal and the ones that follow their hearts and stay true to the core... absorbing every bit of bull shit handed on a freaking silver platter because they know what they believe to be true.
From as early as my teens, if it was not drilled in my head to be responsible for self. Take pride in earning your own money! (My dad!) Be Presentable! Be ladylike... but take no shit (advice from A. Phyllis) altho don't rock the boat (My grandma) Say what you mean and mean what you say! (again my Gram!) Now go out in the world and be happy! Don't be miserable like us! ( My A. Sara) and there you have it in a nutshell! Well almost...
***Oh hi! Do you know me? I believe we met some time ago! Ya know our kids went to school with each other! We worked on the same parade committee... I believe our lives intertwined intimately for oh so some years! So I heard you say REPEATEDLY "you can't help who you fall in love with but don't get attached to anyone you can't walk away from!"***
As dad in his final years had said, " Fate can turn on a dime! Just be prepared what side of that coin you are on... when it hits!"
*************************************
What did love have to do with it?
"Hey, I live here. I got some stuff... of course, it wasn't all acquired by myself. My folks gave me lots, then my ex-wife who I pretty much drove insane because we had this "addiction" She worked ya know and while I went to school. I am a businessman. Well, a sort of businessman. We had these kids. A few pieces of property. We each repeatedly had affairs... we each drank over the limits! Yes, we argued. We argued ugly! Furniture got broke... chairs thru china cabinet glass ugly. Now, none of that was my fault of course after all I could never get her to understand who was in control here! I only married her because ... see all my friends were married and they all had kids. I just wanted to... well ya know fit in! Im all about the camaraderie! Love? hell no. It was a party! It was not love... it was though convenient. She could work and make all kinds of money and well the rest is history. Oh, there were plenty of secrets. Oh, so I always thought ... See I kept the kids, really it was not for their best interest it was though for mine. They were property of course and they belonged to me. I did it just to hurt her... You know its who I am and just what I do! She had issues... but look at me! Everyone else looks at me like Im a great guy! Why don't you feel sorry for me?
Since we have some mutual friends and since our kids know each other... and I see you have your own house, so, therefore, I am assuming you will be a good match! You can manage my life! I'll tell you I love so you think I love you (or so you think I am giving you this gift and responsibility!) I am going to do whatever the hell I want and in the meantime you work and bend over backward to cater to my needs and my kids, I don't have much but I know you will give me what I need because I have charm and I know how to make you fall in love with me ...after all the "other" people who have loved me have... well ya know... given and done things for me! It's just how it works. And by the way, when I am done getting all I need from you, I will cast you aside, not once, not 2ce but 3 times having numerous affairs with other women and then I will ghost you! You will never know the real reason why because you don't matter! You never did! I got what I needed from you and now I am on to the next! But I am going to reach out to you for 6 years behind everyone's back even the one that I am now with! She is clueless about how bad I really abused and used you!
As God as my witness... Testimony hands in the air! Karma isn't a Bitch that mirror is!
**************************************
What did love have to do with anything? She was 11 she watched him walk up those school steps. What did she know about love? {Some Gidget movie where girl meets boy! The boy is a complete jerk! Boy does everything in his power to deny any feelings... and continue to be a real jerk to her after all he is a Guys Guy! Oh, moon doggie!} All she saw was brown curly hair and when he turned around the bluest of eyes and those straight pearly whites! As if that little girl knew what Angels could sound like, she swore she heard a chorus. In reverse: Just like Charlie Brown said, " if only the curly red hair girl would just pay him attention!" Options and choices... Always someone else! She to be the fallback girl always! 16 years old arms tightly gripping in a warm hug. Youth, young love or lust, eyes glaring into each... the softest and the most tender of kisses. Out of the mouths of babes, he says, " I know I should be with someone like you but I can't." and the rest is ridiculous history!
As young adults, we are given options and choices! Often as adults, we make every wrong choice until we realize we should have stayed right where we started and all the messes, drama, crisis, and chaos in any of our lives would have never transpired. The reliable and the loyal and the ones that follow their hearts and stay true to the core... absorbing every bit of bull shit handed on a freaking silver platter because they know what they believe to be true.
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To use your heart but to take your head is a learned trait. To be used at the expense of someone else's experience is a cruel harsh crime of the heart. I can hear my grandma say, " You don't love him. You feel sorry for him" As an empath I have felt empathy for some... as a personal mentor, I no longer look at people and ask "What's wrong with you?" I now look and say "who did this to you?" The truth of the matters is; How you were raised and the people who influenced your thoughts on how love should look plays integral parts in how you participate in your own relationships. Its the examples of what you witnessed in your growing up life is how you view relationships. In my own family, we had our own versions of "Liz and Dick" I love you, I hate you, let's get married. No lets get divorced but hey, I can't live without you (because I am codependent) so let's get married again and again and again... (to the same person 4 times)
People who are abandoned in the early stages of life guess at what love is supposed to look like. Also, adult children of alcoholics play this guessing game. Its a bizarre game of come here now go away. The nurturing that sets a foundation was not there and that child has to improvise with this scary thought of... "What if I love you and you leave me... then what happens?" A barrier is set up permanently so there is never a reason to attach. That person plays a ridiculous mind game pretending... but when it comes down to the matter, its fear that keeps that person from ever connecting to another. The hurt is too emotionally distraught to bare. The opposite of this scenario is if I can not control you with the way I want you to love me, I will find a way to abuse the trust you have for me. Boys who have witnessed domestic abuse will have a difficult time connecting to another because they have learned the power play in loving! They do not know how to communicate the way they feel because it does not feel comfortable. Those feelings were stuffed so far down their psyche often they take on sociopath tendencies... feeling nothing but gaining pleasure in hurting the other person. It is a cruel sick game!
This also applies to the individuals that hide behind their children. They use them as an excuse and a shield. There may be parental love from a distance and from some sense of obligation but parents that are not hands-on parents... will display the same emotionally distant traits learned from their folks on to theirs. (It is a cycle of life that never breaks) Neglect and fear go hand in hand. Those parents that push off responsibilities onto others... create a whole new dynamic for the term manipulator!
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To be as good as you once were... If a movie was to set the pretense of what I thought love was supposed to look like... the perspective would be to build each other up (openly listening with curiosity) in spite of how each viewed their own version of how love was to look. It would be feelings based upon the heart and the laughter that would resound with "how are we to build this" Loyalty and friendship based on sober moments but punch drunk in love with a creative mind thinking maybe there is a happily ever after based on virtue and truths. The mutual respect that would not tolerate abuse in any form and if anything was to be taught it was to be learned through evolved eyes... knowing love grows in stages. You take nothing from each other than what is freely given. Love allows you to grow to be individuals that come together in strength. Sharing all experiences together through open dialogue in all matters the comfortable and uncomfortable! And where children are concerned they are to be products of love; not products acquired through obtained property!
It has been quite the learning curves over the last 10 years, as my classes and mentoring grows http://kitryn-marie.weebly.com so does my thirst for knowledge! My quest for love isn't a quest at all anymore... a person who has deliberately made to break has been put back together completely different. throw a plate on the floor...now sweep it up and put it back together! You can't! My eyes are wide open and have healed in a stronger version of myself. See those people that want to talk and gossip only know what was said by... the parts of how I was the glue that seemingly was trying to keep their life together completely vanished out of that story.
I was always going to end up on this path. I knew this journey one way or another would take me to this destination. Its not a bittersweet version. In fact, I am not bitter at all. Eyes are wide open with a very open heart... timing is everything in this life! Time and space is fluid... what and who and how always gravitates back to where it belongs.
So as I close out this writing, please look at your life, Glance in that great big karmic mirror and how you got to where you are! There is so many con artist in this life pretending to be looking for the love of their life... while others are claiming "oh so wonderful" Be careful which view you have been made to view, that cliff pretty steep! What you trade out looking for happily ever after... you might be bargaining for more than you thought! Unless you like cliff hangers...
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
Moon Doggie: Then he said, 'In love--I don't think I am. But I do like Francie. I liked her from the day I saw her for the first time, out at Malibu on the board. She's got spunk and spirit. She's got warmth and enthusiasm. And--' he smiled diffidently, 'I like her particularly because I know that she likes me.'
