Casting A Line... The Next Bite!
For just today, I am going to get away from the 3 books I'm trying to put in place, Almost 5 years in the making. Publishers, editors, podcast, photo shoots and the likes of getting to the core of love, life and loss... (the one that let me get away) Some things I can not make up. Writing has been cathartic... therapeutic and a need to tell a view. Perspective ... and how or what is needed, mostly wanted in one's life to thrive, succeed, exist, manage, be happy and go on.
I need my dad...
I need to feel the warmth of the sun on some lake in some Jon boat listening to my dad tell some witty sarcastic story with a moral of hope and change... Casting a line waiting for that big bite!
My dad an odd duck. Mostly never comfortable in his own skin, a man that lived with regret, sorrow and the love of two daughters he wasn't quite sure how to take care of and deal with. Insecure maybe, self-doubting mostly... he clung to his money and his belongings but when it came to fishing and the likes of water... NOTHING else mattered. When it came to taking me fishing... at that moment that was his world!
Dad had always said I was the next best thing to a son. From little on I have loved the feel of a night crawler and a fishing pole in my hand. The calm of the water and the rush of a cast. Where no need for speed is needed and that breath of peace fills the soul. Where water ripples and the sound of the wipper willows serenade. That place where the sun dances upon your face and this calm just takes over the body. It's hard to explain this inner bliss unless you can experience the feel for yourself. It's awe-spiring.
My favorite dad story, on a day so long ago, my dad knew I needed to get away. He knew a feel of misery and dread had taken over my life. A very young girl stuck in obligation and doing her best to maintain peace and care for young children. I was at a place where functioning was at a crossroads... caught between staying at home with children, creating objects to sell and having a husband I no more needed to be with. Torn searching for a way out but needing to feel safe and secure... a conundrum of where do I go, what do I do and how do I get out!
There on that lake in that small boat I laid. I barely said two words. Not being able to think just needing to feel the sun. That feel of peace and the need to hear anything but what I had been hearing... Dad watched in silence not saying anything for the longest time. Finally trying to make some random small talk he spoke. He loved to talk about his days as a kid and how far he had come. His life growing up in Springfield, Illinois and all the years he drank and all the things he had loved and lost. He found peace on the water. He needed to share that peace with me.
As I laid there listening, he said, " I know you're not happy. I know this isn't what you thought it would be. It isn't always going to be like this." He continued with, " I had nothing. I lost everything. I barely worked and there was no money. Out of a cataphoric event, my life changed. Out of great loss, I recovered." He finished with, " Kitryn, Fate can turn on a dime! You don't know what's coming and you don't realize how quick it can change. You have to hang on." I listened still not saying much, Finally grabbing a pole, I cast it in the water. I don't remember if the fish bit that day or what was caught. All I know was at that moment, my dad had given me the best lesson in this life I could be taught.
It has been a ridiculous last 5 years, between unexpected events, a relationship I desperately tried to make work, my health, my job, up and down of income, supporting and providing for a child all the while maintaining a house with limited resources, I wonder how I have stood. That's the thing about tenacity and hanging on and waiting for fate to intervene. I have had dad's words lingering in the back of my mind holding on to the thought that Fate is going to turn on a dime!
It's that peace I feelingly remember when I am on a lake. It's the inner calm I try to keep with me when I am faced with what's next. It's the sound of nature I listen for that resounds hope... it is that line I keep casting out waiting for that next big bite!
Fate can turn on a dime... I have decided which side I want to be on! In my book, it's heads all the time. Heads above water!
I got a pole... you gotta a line... I'll meet you at the fishing hole!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
PS.
Dad's other advice on dating, "If he doesn't fish you don't need him! What good is he, if can't fish?"
**That's the thing about dating and fishing... some people are foolish enough to let the keepers get away and they always end up settling for the bottom feeders!
There are methods... sometimes its just catch and release and then learn to reset the hook!
(and wait, patiently wait.)
I need my dad...
I need to feel the warmth of the sun on some lake in some Jon boat listening to my dad tell some witty sarcastic story with a moral of hope and change... Casting a line waiting for that big bite!
My dad an odd duck. Mostly never comfortable in his own skin, a man that lived with regret, sorrow and the love of two daughters he wasn't quite sure how to take care of and deal with. Insecure maybe, self-doubting mostly... he clung to his money and his belongings but when it came to fishing and the likes of water... NOTHING else mattered. When it came to taking me fishing... at that moment that was his world!
Dad had always said I was the next best thing to a son. From little on I have loved the feel of a night crawler and a fishing pole in my hand. The calm of the water and the rush of a cast. Where no need for speed is needed and that breath of peace fills the soul. Where water ripples and the sound of the wipper willows serenade. That place where the sun dances upon your face and this calm just takes over the body. It's hard to explain this inner bliss unless you can experience the feel for yourself. It's awe-spiring.
My favorite dad story, on a day so long ago, my dad knew I needed to get away. He knew a feel of misery and dread had taken over my life. A very young girl stuck in obligation and doing her best to maintain peace and care for young children. I was at a place where functioning was at a crossroads... caught between staying at home with children, creating objects to sell and having a husband I no more needed to be with. Torn searching for a way out but needing to feel safe and secure... a conundrum of where do I go, what do I do and how do I get out!
There on that lake in that small boat I laid. I barely said two words. Not being able to think just needing to feel the sun. That feel of peace and the need to hear anything but what I had been hearing... Dad watched in silence not saying anything for the longest time. Finally trying to make some random small talk he spoke. He loved to talk about his days as a kid and how far he had come. His life growing up in Springfield, Illinois and all the years he drank and all the things he had loved and lost. He found peace on the water. He needed to share that peace with me.
As I laid there listening, he said, " I know you're not happy. I know this isn't what you thought it would be. It isn't always going to be like this." He continued with, " I had nothing. I lost everything. I barely worked and there was no money. Out of a cataphoric event, my life changed. Out of great loss, I recovered." He finished with, " Kitryn, Fate can turn on a dime! You don't know what's coming and you don't realize how quick it can change. You have to hang on." I listened still not saying much, Finally grabbing a pole, I cast it in the water. I don't remember if the fish bit that day or what was caught. All I know was at that moment, my dad had given me the best lesson in this life I could be taught.
It has been a ridiculous last 5 years, between unexpected events, a relationship I desperately tried to make work, my health, my job, up and down of income, supporting and providing for a child all the while maintaining a house with limited resources, I wonder how I have stood. That's the thing about tenacity and hanging on and waiting for fate to intervene. I have had dad's words lingering in the back of my mind holding on to the thought that Fate is going to turn on a dime!
It's that peace I feelingly remember when I am on a lake. It's the inner calm I try to keep with me when I am faced with what's next. It's the sound of nature I listen for that resounds hope... it is that line I keep casting out waiting for that next big bite!
Fate can turn on a dime... I have decided which side I want to be on! In my book, it's heads all the time. Heads above water!
I got a pole... you gotta a line... I'll meet you at the fishing hole!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
PS.
Dad's other advice on dating, "If he doesn't fish you don't need him! What good is he, if can't fish?"
**That's the thing about dating and fishing... some people are foolish enough to let the keepers get away and they always end up settling for the bottom feeders!
