Parts Of The Missing Puzzle
****When He Had Her****
She didn't need to explain anything to anyone anymore. That was the thing about hurt, grief and anger, she did what she needed to do to cope. Over a long period, she had been through more emotional hell than anyone could imagine With no choice left, she had picked up the pieces and replaced them in some order. At this point, the only thing that mattered was how her current pieces were gonna fit!
It was a puzzle, missing pieces with no rhyme or reason. Speculation, deductions, detective work, voices from a crowd that loved to talk... and who had seen first hand. A mystery... with no resolve. Questionable choices made from drunken behavior. Low self-worth on his part that he would settle for the likes of an unappealing manipulating repulsive looking woman. She had caused enough ruckus amongst quite a few of his kind and yet he let her bull doze her way in. For the sake of not being alone and letting someone put his house in order. What had he said to her, " I have never had anyone want to take an interest or no one has ever done anything like this since I moved here." It was probably all the things he had said to her, to begin with. A ploy and a tactic move on his part. Unseemingly, though, there were quite a few times at her suggestion to do things in that house but it was a control he did not want to relinquish. It was all about control. She imagined this one didn't mind the control because no one else would have no part of her. So if she tolerated his on and off erratic behavior, she would have a place in someone's life.
*****************
Yes, it made no sense at all... he basically had had perfect with her. Everyone saw it but him. She really was the total package, someone everyone liked, highly respected, admirable traits. No hidden agendas. Someone who fought hard for a family. A value worth more than any dollar amount could be put on. She was not some sit on your ass on a bar stool sloppy drunk like this one... it was repugnant, appalling and sickening. She hoped he really was happy because drunk or not eventually he would sober up and have to look at that deal for a very long time. He was a visual man and there was no getting around that!
What happened to him? What happened to that man she met so many years ago? What happened to that man that claimed, that big picture? What happened to that man she fell in love with that looked boldly in her eyes and said, "I love you." What happened?
Even that old man had said to her on numerous occasions, "if he would just use his heart instead of his dick... he just might figure it all out!" The old man had begged her to come into that place... and set him straight! His disgusted response, " and this one... good god what the fuck is he thinking! she has an ulterior motive!" Sadly she was done and she refused... she was not gonna put herself out any longer.
She wanted to just go one day without thinking of him. One damn day where she didn't wake up with him on her mind. One damn afternoon where he didn't cross her mind. One damn day she did not have to listen to one more fucking story about that portly woman and him!!! One more night where she didn't cry herself to sleep and one more g.d damn f..king night where she didn't dream about him.
She could only hope in the quiet of his mind... when he drifted and thought hard on his horrible behavior towards her... while he tried to justify to himself why he did what he did to her knowing if he loved her how could he be so intently cruel. His behavior was a choice. It was deliberate and he knew it would hurt her... but then again if it wasn't serving him it did not matter who got hurt.
See accidents were like falling off a bike. Tripping and falling were accidents. Car collisions that just happened were accidents but placing his d..k in a thunder c..t was no accident. There was no accident... it was a deliberate choice! Over and over and over... a deep pitted void to make himself feel better about himself. Why? In her mind they had perfect... It was a piece of the puzzle that seriously was missing.
She could only hope in the quiet of his mind... when he drifted and thought hard on his horrible behavior towards her... while he tried to justify to himself why he did what he did to her knowing if he loved her how could he be so intently cruel. His behavior was a choice. It was deliberate and he knew it would hurt her... but then again if it wasn't serving him it did not matter who got hurt.
See accidents were like falling off a bike. Tripping and falling were accidents. Car collisions that just happened were accidents but placing his d..k in a thunder c..t was no accident. There was no accident... it was a deliberate choice! Over and over and over... a deep pitted void to make himself feel better about himself. Why? In her mind they had perfect... It was a piece of the puzzle that seriously was missing.
Did he remember the color of her eyes? Did he remember her laugh? Could he recall her college studies? Could he call to mind her favorite color... her favorite food? Would he recollect the surprise party she threw for him? Did he still go back and think of all the trips? Did it strike a familiar cord her favorite actor, movie, song? Did he remember how his hand slid down her hip to grab her ass as he entered her? Her legs wrapped around him... when he closed his eyes in those moments of regret did he remember how perfect they made love? Did he?
Thank god for closed doors and what no one saw. The thought of those two having sex was beyond horrifying. There was no bumping fuzzies with all that fat. Speculation amongst the crowd, "what does he do ride her like a bull and wait for her to buck him off? Separating and conquering the great divide. Laughing it was said, "He probably turns her like a pig on a spicket. He would have to roll her in flour to find the wet spot." In all that talk in some out loud banter, it was said, "she probably can suck a bowling ball through a garden hose." The bird of love... the swallow. Anybody will put up with anything as long as someone is dropping to their knees.
In any case, what went on would be a grave mystery. A disgusting sight... so many still questioned.
So how did that all go-down? What was that missing piece? Had he once again forgotten he already had a girlfriend? What part of the memo did he not remember? Was it she was not happy with his carousing and accused him of drinking too much and forgetting where home was... so in order for him to feel good about himself he needed to pick someone up? A little side action, a piece of large ass, a blow job... Or was it this monstrosity already was waiting in the wings not knowing he had a girlfriend and because she allowed him to lay on some charm... realizing that she could cling to him in that dive! One more drunk chic... Or was it she knew he had a girlfriend but because she was unappealing and pork bellied and someone wanted to f..k her she would do him?
Where was the decency in any of it? If he no longer was happy with her he should have spoken up! Been a man and talk the talk... instead of escaping to disappear. Grown adults lay everything on the table and it is discussed. She needed to know... there were puzzle pieces missing. She loved him! Why in the world would he do that to her? What had happened to him that he would do those despicable things to her? She had opened her whole life to him and his... so why in the world would he do any of it?
For what reason, because she didn't drink? There was very much a difference in what she did then who she was! Those so called friends were not his friends and if he would have listened to her from the get go... their loyalty only went as far as their need at the time served. And in regards to that house, she was not going to move into a place where numerous other women lived. She had a different view from this one... She had a standard and was not going to slide into a spot held by MANY others.
By now they would have accomplished so much. In her mind, sadly it was all wasted years. A chunk out of her life that she had put all her eggs in that basket... pieces of her life that now were heading in a whole other direction on a whole other road evolving to a whole other way of life. God looking back...
How does that happen in her bed one night and gone with no words... NOTHING??? Poof gone! He must have been reading books on Houdini... Must have! He just D-I-S-A-P-P-E-A-R-E-D
The sad thing is, this time, he hadn't run out and disappeared just on her. They had a dog. Every time a vehicle like his drove by the house that dog would come running out and get in the window and look for him. His tail wagged and barked with enthusiasm... til he went silent realizing he wasn't there. If a dog was sad... he was. A grandchild that loved him to no end. One that had given him a nick-name and looked forward to hanging out with him was no longer around. The child that could not understand why and repeatedly asked where _________ was. It was only after his disappearance, at the following Christmas around the dinner table he sadly announced he no longer liked him because he made his grandma sad. This child who looked at his mother with tears in his eyes... her daughter who looked at her with dismay because he too had run out on her.(the time before) Where a place setting had been sat a wedding table, her wedding. While he chose to drink shot for shot for shot... a table placement that sat empty because he was a no show. Both women with the biggest amount of sorrow any woman could cry. He needed to be there... that young girl looked at him as her step dad and she took great interest in his children but he could not be there for her it wasn't important enough!. Then there was her youngest child... although not much interaction took place. He was the only man figure in his life... his presence in their house meant security to him. And all the times dinner was made... he was there apart of his family! That was home... all of their home! He just not had disappeared on her... he disappeared on them all!
Unfortunately, there was a big picture and he had sadly forgotten the one he was already in...How bad did he feel about his life that he had gone out of control? Destroying a woman that bent over backward to accommodate him and his Only people who are victims of physical abuse act like this! Only people with addiction behaviors act like this! Text book examples... clear as day! A product of an environment never addressed or properly dealt with.
All she ever did was try to offer all of them a different lifestyle but nowhere ever did he have the right to chastise her for the life she had been taught! She too was trying to figure it all out... . Her heart she wore on her sleeve... and everyone but him knew how much she loved him! Everyone else could recognize it but him... he just took her for granted. She was a choice! Never was she supposed to be an option...
She wanted to just go one day without thinking of him. One damn day where she didn't wake up with him on her mind. One damn afternoon where he didn't cross her mind. One damn day she did not have to listen to one more fucking story about that portly woman and him!!! One more night where she didn't cry herself to sleep and one more g.d damn f..king night where she didn't dream about him.
Did he remember the color of her eyes? Did he remember her laugh? Could he recall her college studies? Could he call to mind her favorite color... her favorite food? Would he recollect the surprise party she threw for him? Did he still go back and think of all the trips? Did it strike a familiar cord her favorite actor, movie, song? Did he remember how his hand slid down her hip to grab her ass as he entered her? Her legs wrapped around him... when he closed his eyes in those moments of regret did he remember how perfect they made love? Did he?
She didn't need to explain anything to anyone anymore. That was the thing about hurt, grief and anger, she did what she needed to do to cope. With no choice left, she had picked up the pieces and replaced them in some order. At this point, the only thing that mattered was how her current pieces were gonna fit!
But there were always going to be pieces of that puzzle missing...
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
*********
In any case, what went on would be a grave mystery. A disgusting sight... so many still questioned.
So how did that all go-down? What was that missing piece? Had he once again forgotten he already had a girlfriend? What part of the memo did he not remember? Was it she was not happy with his carousing and accused him of drinking too much and forgetting where home was... so in order for him to feel good about himself he needed to pick someone up? A little side action, a piece of large ass, a blow job... Or was it this monstrosity already was waiting in the wings not knowing he had a girlfriend and because she allowed him to lay on some charm... realizing that she could cling to him in that dive! One more drunk chic... Or was it she knew he had a girlfriend but because she was unappealing and pork bellied and someone wanted to f..k her she would do him?
**********************
Where was the decency in any of it? If he no longer was happy with her he should have spoken up! Been a man and talk the talk... instead of escaping to disappear. Grown adults lay everything on the table and it is discussed. She needed to know... there were puzzle pieces missing. She loved him! Why in the world would he do that to her? What had happened to him that he would do those despicable things to her? She had opened her whole life to him and his... so why in the world would he do any of it?
For what reason, because she didn't drink? There was very much a difference in what she did then who she was! Those so called friends were not his friends and if he would have listened to her from the get go... their loyalty only went as far as their need at the time served. And in regards to that house, she was not going to move into a place where numerous other women lived. She had a different view from this one... She had a standard and was not going to slide into a spot held by MANY others.
By now they would have accomplished so much. In her mind, sadly it was all wasted years. A chunk out of her life that she had put all her eggs in that basket... pieces of her life that now were heading in a whole other direction on a whole other road evolving to a whole other way of life. God looking back...
How does that happen in her bed one night and gone with no words... NOTHING??? Poof gone! He must have been reading books on Houdini... Must have! He just D-I-S-A-P-P-E-A-R-E-D
**********************
The sad thing is, this time, he hadn't run out and disappeared just on her. They had a dog. Every time a vehicle like his drove by the house that dog would come running out and get in the window and look for him. His tail wagged and barked with enthusiasm... til he went silent realizing he wasn't there. If a dog was sad... he was. A grandchild that loved him to no end. One that had given him a nick-name and looked forward to hanging out with him was no longer around. The child that could not understand why and repeatedly asked where _________ was. It was only after his disappearance, at the following Christmas around the dinner table he sadly announced he no longer liked him because he made his grandma sad. This child who looked at his mother with tears in his eyes... her daughter who looked at her with dismay because he too had run out on her.(the time before) Where a place setting had been sat a wedding table, her wedding. While he chose to drink shot for shot for shot... a table placement that sat empty because he was a no show. Both women with the biggest amount of sorrow any woman could cry. He needed to be there... that young girl looked at him as her step dad and she took great interest in his children but he could not be there for her it wasn't important enough!. Then there was her youngest child... although not much interaction took place. He was the only man figure in his life... his presence in their house meant security to him. And all the times dinner was made... he was there apart of his family! That was home... all of their home! He just not had disappeared on her... he disappeared on them all!
Unfortunately, there was a big picture and he had sadly forgotten the one he was already in...How bad did he feel about his life that he had gone out of control? Destroying a woman that bent over backward to accommodate him and his Only people who are victims of physical abuse act like this! Only people with addiction behaviors act like this! Text book examples... clear as day! A product of an environment never addressed or properly dealt with.
All she ever did was try to offer all of them a different lifestyle but nowhere ever did he have the right to chastise her for the life she had been taught! She too was trying to figure it all out... . Her heart she wore on her sleeve... and everyone but him knew how much she loved him! Everyone else could recognize it but him... he just took her for granted. She was a choice! Never was she supposed to be an option...
She wanted to just go one day without thinking of him. One damn day where she didn't wake up with him on her mind. One damn afternoon where he didn't cross her mind. One damn day she did not have to listen to one more fucking story about that portly woman and him!!! One more night where she didn't cry herself to sleep and one more g.d damn f..king night where she didn't dream about him.
Did he remember the color of her eyes? Did he remember her laugh? Could he recall her college studies? Could he call to mind her favorite color... her favorite food? Would he recollect the surprise party she threw for him? Did he still go back and think of all the trips? Did it strike a familiar cord her favorite actor, movie, song? Did he remember how his hand slid down her hip to grab her ass as he entered her? Her legs wrapped around him... when he closed his eyes in those moments of regret did he remember how perfect they made love? Did he?
She didn't need to explain anything to anyone anymore. That was the thing about hurt, grief and anger, she did what she needed to do to cope. With no choice left, she had picked up the pieces and replaced them in some order. At this point, the only thing that mattered was how her current pieces were gonna fit!
But there were always going to be pieces of that puzzle missing...
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
e·volve
