Pretty In Pink... Perfect In Paisley!

But yet again I wonder who is reading? Who is combing through my words trying to make sense of where I have been and how it too applies to their lives? Who is reading post by post wondering how far I have moved on and where I am at now? Hey look I'm still standing... I have walked through that door... and now I am on the other side. Now though I am trying to forget ... and I am living each day in the moment!!! There is nothing like being with someone for so many years and being alone... Yes, that is how it was. What was his name? I don't know, can't remember ... not sure how many hours he was actually present in all those years. Funny everything and everyone else came first. .. Oh, I'm sorry who am I? ... I thought I was your other half! Someone, please explain this to me? What is the purpose of having a significant other if they are not willing to participate in the relationship? Isn't that why you get involved in the first place... so you are not alone? ......

Where does time go? How could I have stood still for this long and not realized the time that has gone by? It's insane... What a waste... What a shame... What a crime!!! So many things taken from me... I look around and although outside appearances don't look any different, (other than being 32lbs thinner) really everything is completely different! My heart, oh my heart... it's been shattered and shaken and torn into tiny bits. I have barely stood in this space in which time has gone by! It's insane... Loyalty has a way of standing still...when the one with NO conception of the meaning shatters life... the lies in which he built. I will never forgive him... NEVER ! And although I have moved on mentally and physically, emotionally I am still trying to piece together this life... my life! I look around... it's all different! And there is a new door!!! See writing my life was never the plan but somehow it has been the catalyst in moving forward. I always had 2...

Every once in a while life surprises you with a very serendipity moment. It sometimes offers you a glimpse of your authentic self . Every movie you have ever watched that you could relate, every dream you ever had and every imaginary scene that has played out in your mind, it is really the closest to who you are... and what you truly desire. Your authentic self is who you were before someone else told you to be completely different. Just because this is what you know that does not mean this is all there is! I am not talking about living in a fantasy or not knowing the reality of life and all its causes and its effects... I'm talking about who you are and what you want as beautiful being living this life in these moments you have been given. How precious is the view to be given another glimpse of another life... what a privilege to see to something entirely different. ************************************************** He wondered why I didn't"t want to go a...

Have you stopped to examine your life? Have you meticulously and intricately taken your life apart and looked at how you are living? Are you getting out of your life what you have given? The life you Live is the life you get ! and if you are settling for trade-offs... then apparently you have not given enough and you have learned that it is just ok to settle and when you are settling what are you really getting? I am not sure which way I want to take this. I have plenty of examples... I'll start with me . For the last three years, I have hidden pretty much becoming a recluse.(No secret there) I have not quite given up on my career moves but I have given up on dating... extending myself out there any longer has not been worth the effort. Honestly, these last few years have not been the most exciting life to live... but it has been my trade-off. I have settled on being alone and foregoing anymore heartache. (kinda pathetic but oh well! It is what it is... for now!!) I have found ...

Just when I think I have it all figured out, I'm taken back by a memory, a flashback, a moment that will never happen again. I am stopped in my tracks while I am trying to find my way, I remember my mom trying to find hers. Journeys and paths and a story that have to be shared. An Induced environment that makes us who we are. Pardon, my indulgence... If we haven't met before, let me introduce myself... I Am Carmen's Daughter . I am Kitryn Marie.( I am her oldest) Who I am is really not all that important... but my mom, Carmen ... she was! And her life mattered...   May 19th of 1968 at the age of 31 , my mom died, leaving behind a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old. A family grieving that dared to keep a secret. My grandma,(a saint) and grandpa doing everything in their possible Italian ways to protect us (My sister and myself). Not ever letting us know what had happened... My mother was a victim of domestic abuse and although it is not what took her life it was what played...