A Sound Portion Of Life Built
Crazy was what crazy could be... something about attraction and chemistry, something about banter and wit, something about recognizing a wild spirit and wanting to be a part of it. That is what she wanted... and what she craved. Domestication was so over rated... but really there was nothing wrong with wanting it either or least the good parts of it. Some ground to build something... some kind of base for stability. Isn't that what everybody wanted? (at least for some sound portion of their life)
She should not have been made to feel bad because in a heightened discussion the mere mention of building (in theory)... a life... a future, she was shot down and rejected in horror with shock. Shaking her head in confusion she couldn't get it through his head she did not mean tomorrow. It was a random comment a figure of speech and sincerely not meant at that time in any literal sense but Good god, she thought, " that's how you find out what someone wants. You throw out scenarios to conjure up discussions. Finding out about people and what they want and what they are looking for and what they need in this life... their life."
She was tired of hiding and tired of pretending everything was ok. Where her life for what it was...was enough. There was nothing wrong in wanting to build something... build more of a connection, build more of a relationship and build more of what could be explored...between the two. That is what came from chemistry and attraction. Wanting more!
Burnt out and tired and dissolutioned... damaged and broken, depressed and disgusted, that is what she saw mostly in a lot of people. A glimmer of hope, want and need barely shined through anyone these days. She hardly could stand it. Why she continued to put herself out on a limb was utterly ridiculous at this point ... other than the fact she needed that portion of "sound" in her life.
No! she was not talking about that domesticated routine either... the wake up, you go to work, you cook dinner, you speak mindless talk, you have sex when you can fit it in... and all the other mundane responsibilities that building a home life requires.
She wanted... no, she needed... NO SHE CRAVED... his wild spirit, that "hey babe, let's go do... today!" " I want you and I want you now." "We'll figure out dinner later but I'll cook if you want" "Yeah there is some money"... where money was not a concern and not a dependence for just spending time together. Where going to work was a storage of daily information so they could discuss with each other their lives when they were not with each other. She desired...Conversations... in depth, conversation over all the banter and wit and the intimate kissing between all the laughing words leading up to the rip roaring clothes tearing sex. Combined with the comfort of knowing there was someone there waiting each and everyday wanting to build the same thing.
Yes, that was what she was trying to convey but in horror and shock he shot and shut down... and accused the thought as such an atrocity from within his mind. That spirit she so admired in him had completely left... and within a flip of a switch some other emotion took place. For a brief moment, random talk went from 0-20 crazy... over what she said... and she said nothing wrong!
Seriously thinking, really what was the crazy here? Fear, abandonment and rejection and the crumbling of something else built years before... that is where the crazy was. All the damaged and the broken and the depressed and dissolution stemming from a life that had been built and lived... before.
Within her all, there was no glory in not trying and there was no guts... in not believing there was a life like this and she would continue to go on that limb hoping as she continued to build on her wants and needs and desires... there too somewhere would be a man who's spirit she admired... that would want the same "sound portion" at some point in time... to build!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
*** Life is short. No one is getting younger. Time does not stand still! Just sometimes amazing things are built from some surprising sources.
She should not have been made to feel bad because in a heightened discussion the mere mention of building (in theory)... a life... a future, she was shot down and rejected in horror with shock. Shaking her head in confusion she couldn't get it through his head she did not mean tomorrow. It was a random comment a figure of speech and sincerely not meant at that time in any literal sense but Good god, she thought, " that's how you find out what someone wants. You throw out scenarios to conjure up discussions. Finding out about people and what they want and what they are looking for and what they need in this life... their life."
She was tired of hiding and tired of pretending everything was ok. Where her life for what it was...was enough. There was nothing wrong in wanting to build something... build more of a connection, build more of a relationship and build more of what could be explored...between the two. That is what came from chemistry and attraction. Wanting more!
Burnt out and tired and dissolutioned... damaged and broken, depressed and disgusted, that is what she saw mostly in a lot of people. A glimmer of hope, want and need barely shined through anyone these days. She hardly could stand it. Why she continued to put herself out on a limb was utterly ridiculous at this point ... other than the fact she needed that portion of "sound" in her life.
No! she was not talking about that domesticated routine either... the wake up, you go to work, you cook dinner, you speak mindless talk, you have sex when you can fit it in... and all the other mundane responsibilities that building a home life requires.
She wanted... no, she needed... NO SHE CRAVED... his wild spirit, that "hey babe, let's go do... today!" " I want you and I want you now." "We'll figure out dinner later but I'll cook if you want" "Yeah there is some money"... where money was not a concern and not a dependence for just spending time together. Where going to work was a storage of daily information so they could discuss with each other their lives when they were not with each other. She desired...Conversations... in depth, conversation over all the banter and wit and the intimate kissing between all the laughing words leading up to the rip roaring clothes tearing sex. Combined with the comfort of knowing there was someone there waiting each and everyday wanting to build the same thing.
Yes, that was what she was trying to convey but in horror and shock he shot and shut down... and accused the thought as such an atrocity from within his mind. That spirit she so admired in him had completely left... and within a flip of a switch some other emotion took place. For a brief moment, random talk went from 0-20 crazy... over what she said... and she said nothing wrong!
Seriously thinking, really what was the crazy here? Fear, abandonment and rejection and the crumbling of something else built years before... that is where the crazy was. All the damaged and the broken and the depressed and dissolution stemming from a life that had been built and lived... before.
Within her all, there was no glory in not trying and there was no guts... in not believing there was a life like this and she would continue to go on that limb hoping as she continued to build on her wants and needs and desires... there too somewhere would be a man who's spirit she admired... that would want the same "sound portion" at some point in time... to build!
Meet Me In St. Louis,
Kitryn Marie
*** Life is short. No one is getting younger. Time does not stand still! Just sometimes amazing things are built from some surprising sources.
