I Wanna Be Rich

 My stats are up! Creepers, stalkers, scammers, hackers, and a few small interested people have been reading my words. It's nice, it's okay, and it's what I would expect. No fame, no glory, no riches, It is an opportunity for me to be creative and or rant on various topics and offer a few plugs into my books. Somewhere between Lollipop Lane and Iceberg Street, here I am. Clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right, I am smack dab in the middle of nowhere, making no progress.

My outside gig has come to an impasse of stalemate opinions. Not enough business, working more hours for less of a paycheck. Morale is horribly down. I might mention a common practice of too many chiefs and not enough Indians, and the Indians ain't happy. No one has asked my thoughts and I am glad.  Any normal working individual would ask why. This is the thing about people stuck in a matrix. They go around day in and day out doing the same thing, hoping for a different result. Old school advertising does not work. Print is a waste of money, and that 20 30 50 rule does not apply any longer. People want instant gratification. They want to be dazzled for less than a 17.00 lunch, and if anyone chooses to pay 7-10.00 for a beer, there better be an adventure in each sip. Again, no one has asked my opinion, and AGAIN I am ok with it! I have lost my fancy footing on the floor... It's not there, and the pivot has lost its finesse! I show up because I am on the schedule. I like my manager!

If they did ask my opinion, I would say the post on social media is passe' . There needs to be daily lives, and there needs to be on-hand interviews of each and every employee and how the establishment is run from the inside out. Create a buzz.! Create star-quality employees! There needs to be drone footage, and advertising should not be done on TV, but create a YOUTUBE channel designated to the operation with fresh takes/camera b-roll. Advertising a lunch special is great if there are people in the building... but if you can not dazzle or entice with a post for people who are already struggling to make a buck, that 10.00 special means nothing if that 10.00 needs to go into their gas tank. 

(also my opinion only) A liberal crowd is scared to death to let go of any money. They drink water and they get the cheapest thing on the menu, leaving their standard 2.00 tip. They have been feared mongered for too long, and everything and everyone is the enemy! The small hand of conservatives that come in... are talking business and watching the stock market. They are holding out for the promise land in which they were told would happen. They have a fixed allocated budget for lunch, getting the same thing each time with a tip that NEVER alters. The standard is 6.00. Multiply those tips x 5 tables a day... and there you have my income. Where I have stated numerous times, I know my worth, and I know what I bring to the table. That is not acceptable... I compare to my last gig where I earned 200.00 a day. Solo on the floor and behind the bar. An establishment that was a step up from mom and pop. (That establishment closed its doors, or I would still be there) The time before that ...125.00 for lunch only! #location #location #location 

TMI I did file the paperwork on my SS and I am one finger away from send... The first 10 years of my employment history was basically a cash endeavor so how the government looks at yearly earnings since... is a wash. That small stipend may pay for my car and car insurance. Thats it... then I am watching yearly earnings. I do not see how any of it is fair or right! Its a catch 22 and how dare the American working patron come out ahead. 

My newer car has been in the shop now 2ce with the return on Monday, I should not know about pulleys, tie rods, control arms and motor mounts... where I want to hit this mechanic, it is not standard practice for a vehicle to shake or vibrate when I put my foot on the brake. I should not be able to hear or see the engine vibrate from the hood. I was told... "he drove it and this is just what this type of vehicle does"  NO IT DOES NOT! FKN FIX IT! I paid too much money for something that is not correct!

My art classes are at a standstill. I have no energy. The gig physically drains me. The mental wear and tear is almost too much! I may, on occasion, hand out a business card or, in passing, have a conversation. I instruct enrichment art classes to help better individuals' lives... if people can not recognize they need to be enriched and to be creative, I am talking to a brick wall. Or the flip side of that is people who want to talk me down on the cost of the classes. My standard reply, " The cost of materials has gone up considerably, and I have not raised my cost of the class for the last 10 years. I am firm on each ... because I too have to earn something from teaching." Typically, their reply is "Oh" SMH 

So where does this leave me... This I will tell you! It may have nothing to do with the above but this is where I am at mentally physically and soulfully spiritually! I want to be rich! Not the kind of rich that makes a person snooty or the kind that is dripping in gold. I want to be rich in life!

I want to be able to go to my freezer and grab a steak out of it rich! I want to be able to go to my yard and pull out the weed eater or lawnmower, knowing it works rich! I want to get in my vehicle and drive safely to a location and enjoy the moment rich! I want to physically have the stamina to do daily task and my job rich! I want to go to my basement and not see it flooded rich! I want to use the slop sink and not have it back up with rusted water rich! I want to walk up my porch front or back, knowing I am not going to fall through it rich! I want the ease of knowing I am making a difference and earning a good living, rich! I want someone I can depend on rich. I want to know all of my efforts in which I am lending my hand are appreciated richly. I want independence, not needing to be disappointed by people who can not see my efforts rich! I want to be enriched by people who are reliable and can do what they promised rich! I want to wake up in the morning each and every morning know I have purpose rich! I want to live the life I need no vacation from with someone that values exactly the same thing I want rich! I want to be accomplished rich!

I want to be rich!  I want to be rich! I want to be rich!

Possibly once I get these books finished and sent off... the means to the end will get me the results I am looking for! Rich!

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Somewhere between chapters

He couldn’t understand why he wasn’t happy. Not really. Not after the tests, the licenses, the constant climbing. Every new certification, every new job, every time he added another accolade to the pile, there was still that same gnawing ache. Like something was unfinished. Like there was a hole he couldn’t patch no matter how many shiny badges he pinned to his name. He kept moving—kept proving himself—thinking the next thing would do it. That next piece of paper. That next handshake. That next deal closed. But the finish line just kept moving.

Aggie was boring him to absolute tears. She was once a distraction, now just noise. Her voice like nails on a chalkboard, her saunter slow and syrupy, the kind that made him feel trapped in molasses. Her conversation was a loop of complaint and comparison—endless talk about her kids, her coworkers, the world not measuring up to her standards. Especially not her kids. And God help him, those rants. Always somehow circling back to how they didn’t have what he had or could not measure up to his kids. And she said it like a compliment, but it landed like a slap. A reminder of how low he was aiming just to feel tall.

That body he once craved beside him in bed? Cold now. Cold as a slab of meat. Useless, he thought, with a bluntness he wouldn't say aloud. Like a boar with tits. He hated how crude his mind had become, but there it was. The distance between them had calcified into resentment. Mornings were a prison break—him slipping out the door with no kiss, no pause, no warmth. Just the grind. Just the calendar and the urgency and the need to escape before the walls started talking.

And Kate... Kate was always in the back of his mind like a ghost with soft eyes. He wanted to reach out, but he couldn’t risk it. Not now. Not after everything. Too many lies to manage. Too many stories stitched together with thin threads. One wrong move and the whole thing would unravel. Still, the thought of her pulled at him, aching like a phantom limb. His heart raced some mornings at the idea of sending just one message—one line to gauge the temperature. Was the door still cracked? Was she still thinking of him?

But fear stopped him cold. Fear and pride and that goddamn ego that never let him admit when he was wrong. Instead, he poured another cup of coffee. Checked another email. Scanned another list of materials or schedules or client notes—anything to delay the mirror. Anything to dodge that deeper question: why wasn’t any of this enough?

He used to think the grind would save him. That success would finally silence the mess in his head. But the mess had followed him. It lived rent-free, cluttering his thoughts, whispering shame in the quiet. He was losing track of who he was pretending to be. And underneath it all, embarrassment festered like rot. He’d told himself he’d never fall this far. But here he was. Surrounded by achievements. And still empty.

That damn ego.

I’ll show her, he muttered under his breath, unsure if it was a declaration or a desperate plea.

Frustrated, disconnected, and slowly unraveling—he didn’t know if he missed Kate… or just missed the man he was when he had her.

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And this is why my stats are up! Creepers, stalkers, scammers, hackers and a few that are genuinely interested in what is happening in my creative world!

To Live Rich...

Kitryn Marie

#writer #madeformovie #artist #instructor #howdoesshedoit